Authenticating your ECH

[The Good Reverend Roger]

How does one know if their ECH is the real ECH?  In person, this is no problem.  If his five-o'clock shadow beats you up, he's the genuine article.  But for those of us on the internet, it can be quite a dilemma.  If you have speakers, and any picture of him posted causes your computer to start blasting LMFAO songs at you, then you can almost certainly assume that your ECH is genuine.

But what if you're at work, and you can't use speakers?  Or if you're in Texas, where computers don't have speakers?  It's not like you can tell by looking at his profile; his name changes every 90 seconds, and his post count is "potato".  So other means will be required.

Method 1:  Tell the alleged ECH that you're marinating pork chops in milk.  If your monitor's screen forms a fist and punches you in the face, you can be reasonably certain that your ECH is the real deal.

Method 2:  Ask which state the Virgin Islands are in.  If all of your limbs remain attached, your ECH is clearly a fake. 

Method 3:  Tell him that you find his behavior/language offensive.  You will immediately know if he is in fact ECH.

Note that all of the above methods may result in serious bodily harm...But isn't that a small price to pay to know that you're dealing with the REAL ECH, and not that one guy selling bootleg Bieber-metal off the back of a Penske truck in Yonkers?

[Cainad (dec.)]

I nearly got hoodwinked by a counterfeit ECH. Everything seemed to be in order. I think anyone other than the most experienced of asshats would have been fooled.

At the last minute, on a hunch, I decided to check. I used Method 2, and the counterfeit just kind of disintegrated into a faintly buzzing cloud. Then the real ECH shot a hole clean through my computer screen with a sniper rifle that he fired from the hip.

You just can't afford to take chances with this shit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I nearly got hoodwinked by a counterfeit ECH. Everything seemed to be in order. I think anyone other than the most experienced of asshats would have been fooled.

At the last minute, on a hunch, I decided to check. I used Method 2, and the counterfeit just kind of disintegrated into a faintly buzzing cloud. Then the real ECH shot a hole clean through my computer screen with a sniper rifle that he fired from the hip.

You just can't afford to take chances with this shit.

Thank God the REAL ECH is here to protect us.  God knows what this shit hole of a country would be like without his...er...guidance.

[Cainad (dec.)]

On any tv news broadcast, if you record the audio and run it through a certain combination of filters, you can hear a faint "HAW HAW HAW" in the distance.

That is the sound of everything going exactly according to one man's plan. ECH's plan.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Serious bodily harm is indeed a small price to pay. Authentic ECH is caustic and contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause catastropic red ass, use only in well ventilated aread or outdoors. Keep away from hipsters no, scratch that.

ECH THE HELL OUT OF THOSE HIPSTERS

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I can always tell if my ECH is the real deal if application of ECH results in terminal turgidity.

[East Coast Hustle]

Caution - side effects of authentic ECH may include (but are not limited to) the following:

Bloody nose
Sore face
Rapid ejection of fecal matter along unpredictable trajectories
Permanent hair loss
Permanent hearing loss
Vitiligo
Inappropriate erections
Fistulas
Unexplained stretch marks
Sleep-rapping
Infestation of poltergeists
Spontaneous hallucinations
Smoking unfiltered cigarettes
Full-body 5 o'clock shadow

[Richter]

Most counterfet ECH is the product of the now unluckiest province of rural china