Jam on it.

[Doktor Howl]

I've got 50 contractors swarming all over the place.  Gotta double production inside of 14 more days.  Gotta jump, gotta find a few hundred amps somewhere.  It's Apollo 13 up in this shit.

And LMNO says "FASTER!"

Driving through The City like an asshole, running down the alleys just for the sheer hell of it.  Gotta force some of that air into these here lungs, gotta make like this ain't the City of the Dead.

And ECH says "LOUDER!"

Snarling at assholes around the cheap cigar planted in my face.  Hitting that treadmill LIKE HELL.  Trying to remember all the shit that needs fixing, gotta be ready when my son comes home in July, car needs an oil change, LOBB needs a chapter, and my boss is having some kind of weird breakdown.

And Nigel sings "I hate to tell you this, but I'm very, very happy, and I know that's not what you'd expect from me at all...Because I'm not the kind to smile and bow out gracefully, I always wanted to take it to the wall."

MY NAME IS DOKTOR HOWL.  I HAVE A WIFE AND 1.5 CHILDREN.  HOUSE IN ORO VALLEY.  PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. 

And Stella says "At least you aren't in Texas."

This really isn't the future I was expecting.  I didn't get my robot dancing girl or my flying SUV, but I DO have more computing power in my phone than existed when I was 8 years old.  I regularly hold conversations with people thousands and thousands of miles away, but I don't have to talk to the neighbor.

And Queen Gogira observes "You just aren't right, jackass."

So I dance my little dance, to the horror of my colleagues, who yell and scream and threaten to call an exorcist.  I dance because that's what Tom Waits would tell me to do, and he's always been a source of good advice for me, in the same manner that Redman is.

And Cain says "MOVE, SUCKA, MOVE!"

So what CAN I do?  Move it, shake it, back on down to Drachmann Road, where shit like this is considered normal.  As a great Discordian once said, "I might be hungry, but at least I'm not weird."

Okay in Perpetuity,
Dok

[LMNO]

You're in a hell of a form this week, Dok.

[Doktor Howl]

You're in a hell of a form this week, Dok.

Took my pill at 2AM instead of 8PM.  My head is full of yogurht, and I'm up for any program.

[LMNO]

How's Mrs Howl taking all of this?

[Doktor Howl]

How's Mrs Howl taking all of this?

Well, she thought the last of the cactus days were pretty funny, so I don't think this is going to piss her off or anything.  She's not weird, but she digs the weird.  It's not like she didn't know my wiring was out of code when she married me.

[Doktor Howl]

And I can hardly be expected to keep a straight face when shit like THIS is going on:

http://www.nbcnews.com/business/happy-your-starbucks-latte-who-gets-tip-6C10110181

Or this:

http://www.nbcnews.com/business/stocks-tumble-dow-sheds-150-worries-about-fed-stimulus-6C10109732

Managers suing for the right to swipe their employees' tips, and CEOs screaming that they aren't getting enough love from Uncle Sugar.

Now, how the fuck am I SUPPOSED to act?

[Richter]

They expect too much, keep squeezing, and start getting less.  professional gland touchers know how to moderate this to maximize output.

The uncle samites only know how to squeeze, and squeeze.  Like any closeted gasper they KNOW this works for them, but balk when it doesn't work for you. 

[LMNO]

It's called "efficiency measures" Richter, and DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

[Doktor Howl]

It's called "efficiency measures" Richter, and DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

Which is corporatese for...Serfdom?

[LMNO]

It's basically "doing more for less".

You can get the job done in the required amount of time with 10 people?

MAKE IT 10% FASTER WITH 15% FEWER STAFF.

[Doktor Howl]

It's basically "doing more for less".

You can get the job done in the required amount of time with 10 people?

MAKE IT 10% FASTER WITH 15% FEWER STAFF.

Yeah, I've seen that.  I always add 26% to any projected costs, because I notice that this is the kneejerk reduction proposed by the folks upstairs.

Beats arguing about it...And if anything goes wrong, I can claim I was underfunded.

This job suits my malicious side.

[EK WAFFLR]

And I can hardly be expected to keep a straight face.

Sorry to do a take on only part of a sentence, but straight faces are almost never useful.

I prefer your approach of laughing until you can't scream anymore.

[Doktor Howl]

And I can hardly be expected to keep a straight face.

Sorry to do a take on only part of a sentence, but straight faces are almost never useful.

I prefer your approach of laughing until you can't scream anymore.

Depends.  If the cops are looking for the wiseass, a smart face makes sense.

Or better yet, a horrified "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE" face.

[EK WAFFLR]

And I can hardly be expected to keep a straight face.

Sorry to do a take on only part of a sentence, but straight faces are almost never useful.

I prefer your approach of laughing until you can't scream anymore.

Depends.  If the cops are looking for the wiseass, a smart face makes sense.

Or better yet, a horrified "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE" face.

God damn you. Now I have to revise my outlook again. 

[Doktor Howl]

And I can hardly be expected to keep a straight face.

Sorry to do a take on only part of a sentence, but straight faces are almost never useful.

I prefer your approach of laughing until you can't scream anymore.

Depends.  If the cops are looking for the wiseass, a smart face makes sense.

Or better yet, a horrified "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE" face.

God damn you. Now I have to revise my outlook again. 

Me, too.  For the rest of the day at work, EVERYTHING is an OUTRAGE.  No matter how minor.