Weird Shit Happens EVERY DAY.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Today my roommate and I were rounding the corner to enter the yarn store for in which to fondle fibers when a woman carrying a cardboard box almost ran into us.

"Excuse me," I said, sucking my gut in and dodging left. The side-walks are narrow in that part of town because of all the fucking semi-raised flower beds they installed to prettify things.

"Oh hello, are you interested in some wholesale items I am selling?" She asked, putting her box down on the raised edge of a flowerbed.

"Uh," I said, looking at my roommate. "Like what?"

"Oh, well," the odd woman said. "I have knives and cutting boards and cleavers and a flashlight that is also a taser."

She then proceeded to take one of the flashlights out of the box and demonstrate the light part. Then she showed us the on-off switch on the butt of the device and turned the taser on, within a few inches of my roommate, who was not impressed.

"Okay," I said very calmly to the crazy woman with a box of cleavers and tasers, "We believe you. It's a taser."

"Of course, they normally go for $66 but I'll let it go for $10," the strange lady said, "You aren't supposed to use these on anyone. Unless they're bothering you. Let me show you the cutting boards and cleavers."

"All that is the roommate's purview," I told her, taking a step back. "I'm not allowed to play with sharp things on account of accidentally the kitchen this one time."

"This is the fruit cutting board," the lady said, pulling out a thin box with pictures of fruit on it. "And this is the veggie one," she pulled out another thin box with a picture of veggies on it.

"Oh, they're glass cutting boards?" the roommate asked.

"Yes. Normally they're very expensive but I'll let them go for cheap."

"Thank you very much for showing us what you're selling," the roommate said hurriedly. "But we have to go."

"Oh. Okay," the crazy woman said. And dropped cleavers all over the sidewalk.



We left without buying any of her wholesale goods. I'm sure the roommate regrets passing up such an amazing opportunity.

[Don Coyote]

BUT CLEAVERS!!!!


THEY ARE LIKE TOMAHAWKS FOR THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

BUT CLEAVERS!!!!


THEY ARE LIKE TOMAHAWKS FOR THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!

They were reeeeeaaaaaaally cheap cleavers. Paper thin with a push tang.

[Left]

 ...You draw in weird people.
...Just go with it, it has entertainment value.

[The Johnny]

Bitches don't know about my tomahawks?

Asshole dun know about mah MEATCLEAVAH!!!!


Also... $10 for a flashlight AND a taser? How could you monsters pass up on such an offer?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Bitches don't know about my tomahawks?

Asshole dun know about mah MEATCLEAVAH!!!!


Also... $10 for a flashlight AND a taser? How could you monsters pass up on such an offer?

If I'm going to buy a taser/flashlight combo I'm going to do it watching Bud K on QVC while sitting on the couch stuffing my face with Cheetos as God intended. Besides, I don't get out my wallet for anything less than 200,000 volts.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

...You draw in weird people.
...Just go with it, it has entertainment value.

Wanna hang someday and see what happens?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wow that is... something. 

[Left]

...You draw in weird people.
...Just go with it, it has entertainment value.

Wanna hang someday and see what happens?

No.
Nor do I care to purchase meat that's been smuggled from the supermarket in an alcoholic bum's pants.
...I don't like getting hugged by a crazy homeless lady just because I'm wearing a gas mask.
...I do not want to take anyone on a crack run, no, you may not borrow my car to go get crack.
I do not wish to adopt a random goat.
I do not want a blowjob or a hamburger.
Yes, all these have happened to be offered/suggested to me, and the hug just kind of happened, it was really weird.

[LMNO]

What about a blowjob AND a hamburger?

[Left]

What about a blowjob AND a hamburger?

I'm vegan, so it would have to be a veggie burger, and currently there is only 2 people authorized to perform the former operation.
As always, your mileage may vary.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

...You draw in weird people.
...Just go with it, it has entertainment value.

Wanna hang someday and see what happens?

No.
Nor do I care to purchase meat that's been smuggled from the supermarket in an alcoholic bum's pants.
...I don't like getting hugged by a crazy homeless lady just because I'm wearing a gas mask.
...I do not want to take anyone on a crack run, no, you may not borrow my car to go get crack.
I do not wish to adopt a random goat.
I do not want a blowjob or a hamburger.
Yes, all these have happened to be offered/suggested to me, and the hug just kind of happened, it was really weird.

I need to take you to a family reunion. You'd LOVE IT.