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Street Observations from the punishment chamber

Started by Da6s, July 14, 2013, 10:22:39 PM

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Da6s

July 14, 2013, 10:22:39 PM Last Edit: July 20, 2013, 05:27:21 PM by Da6s
So I'm currently working 2 jobs, 7 days a week all summer long like the good little masochistic whore that I am. Currently sitting in a "kiosk" for my rafting company gig, where is really just a fucking glass octagon cage that I sit in while tourists walk by constantly. I endearingly refer to work station as the punishment chamber, since it's nigh impossible to be productive while having to smile at every jackass that happens by, on the off chance they'll come inside and actually ask me about rafting/zipline trips, and not 15 minutes of Q and fucking A about all things town. Since I'm on display as a zoo for 5 hours today meanwhile phones are dead, I'm going to rant about every single tourist stereotype that has the misfortune to walk past me. Just cause.

Summers in high country ski resort town CO are the best climate imaginable. Daily: highs do not exceed mid 70's, no humidity, no allergies, no bugs. It's a special kind of paradise. At least until 4th of july. 4th of july is when the fucking summer mountain tourists arrive and the absolute tranquility of this place is shattered by infuriating idiots everywhere.

So I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I live in Breckenridge, CO, in a fucking clutch apartment on main street. Mainstreets got tons of pedestrian crosswalks along it, with main itself stretching about a 15 minute walk. I don't know distances, nor do I care. There are really 3 red lights along main, one at north, one at mid, and one at south. The south redlight is part of what inspired this.

Today was the FOURTH fucking time in the past 2 weeks that I was almost clipped by a goddamned tourist turning right on red when I was crossing in the fucking crosswalk with the walky man as my spirit guide. The tags on this offender? Illinois. It's like because this is a peaceful place all rules of the road and how to interact with pedestrians fucking vanishes in a dismal case of vacation brain. Shit's awful.

There's a restaurant behind my cage called "rasta pasta". There's a french bakery beside it. 70% of people who walk by me will speak one of these two phrases. There's another place beside them called the Lost Cajun. It has obnoxious facehole plywood cut outs of a gator and a what i'm assuming is supposed to be a cajun guy? by their door. Three little shits just ran down the stairs screaming wanting their picture taken. One of them started crying when he didn't have a facehole. Smiling at the people who just walked by was easier.

Some geriatric fucks just had a make out session for about 20 seconds right in front of my goddamned window. I don't know why.

ASIAN TOURISTS! I love these guys. They never talk except to ask directions and when they do if you point to guide with your hand they point as well. Typical asian tourists for everyone, but they aren't bad. Unless they're driving, which I don't recall seeing this summer yet.

Main street has shit loads of parallel parking. Tourists have no idea how to parallel park their SUV's. I have a game wherein I stare at the driver. HOLY SHIT IM NOT KIDDING THIS FAT UNSIGHTLY LADY JUST BUMBED THE RED CAR SHE WAS PARALLEL PARKING BEHIND! Couldn't have been scripted if I wanted it to be. Just watched that happen in real time. I'm now leaving a sticky note on teh victims windshield notifying them of what happened. YESSSSSS. Ok, as I was saying, I stare down the driver while they do a shitawful parallel parking job in the hopes that what LITERALLY just happened happens, so that then they know there's a local witness. That was awesome. Hail Eris.

Colorado is for dog lovers. Especially up in the high country. Since I started typing this there's been at least 8 different breeds strolls by on their leashes, from a great pyr to a pug. 95% of these animals are extremely well behaved, but for whatever stupid reason the other 5% have shitty owners and they are unruly. One of these 5% just went by, started barking insanely loud and agressively for no fucking reason. And the owner just patted it on its head and told it to hush. Real effective lady.

I think a schizo just walked by. Either that or he had a bluetooth douche headset on. Either's possible. Probably the latter. May've been high on something.

We are a fat fucking country. CO is spared from this mostly, but our fat demographics increase exponentially in summer when the tourists flock. Lady just walked by with a hershey kiss shaped body. Unfortunate.

There's a weird ass trend in bootwear this summer where there's like frilly leather strap tassels hanging from boots with poof balls. What I don't even.

I really enjoy the eye candy that summer brings. Especially when it's families. My routine is typical smile through my glass cage at the approach family, make eye contact, do a quick up down check out of the attractive daughter, proceed immediately to making eye contact with the father while I purposefully widen my smile. Their brows usually furrow. It's the little things. Also, whoever inspired the yoga pants trend needs to be rewarded and knighted and praised and sainted. Hail that beautiful man/lesbian/exhibitionist. Going further into the eye candy aspect, this county is a sausage fest hell of 3 to 1 male to female ratios, with a local saying of "it's not your chick, it's just your turn". This was told to me by multiple bartenders. I probably mentioned this in a shangri, but it needed to be repeated.

And as if on cue, a trio of neckbeards walks by! And the largest among them who had to be pushing 300 was wheezing hard. Red faced too. Breathing at 9600 feet sucks a bit.

And then two more stereotypes that are annoying happened. For starters, cycling is huge up here. Lots of shops to rent cruzer bikes from since there are miles and miles of bike paths. In town here, there are bike lanes alongside the road. Dumb tourists just cruised by on the sidewalk, because fuck it, I don't give a shit about all these people walking, I'm a tourist on a bike! Fuck your sideWALK!. The second stereotype was the elderly couple that doubles back. This happens probably at least 3 times a day - old couple walks by slowly, stops, looks at the shops behind my cage, continues walking 15 feet past my cage, stops again, looks around for 45 seconds, turns around and walks back the way they came.

Some douche with a faux hawk acros the street just let his dog shit on the sidewalk and didn't pick it up. Fucking tourists. A few seconds later a guy with a popped collar strolls by. That's out of style, right?

Just had to play tour guide for a family from Kansas who stepped inside my shop to ask me where teh closest bathroom is. After that, they proceeded to ask me all things breck resort related (not town related), and didn't seem to understand that my 2 day a week job is to tell her about rafting.

In the past 3 minutes I've heard 3 lost cajuns, 1 rasta pasta, and 1 french bakery. Make that 2 rasta pastas. Now 3. I should really keep a tally one day. They don't even inquire about the places or look at their menu, they just say the restaurants name outloud for whatever reason as they walk by. The mind reels. Another common thing that I've noticed today is I've heard 3 different older fellows bitch to their families about carrying all the shopping bags. And a fat lady in a breck got oxygen t shirt just wheezed loudly going DOWN the 8 stairs behind me. No oxygen is a bitch.

I'm not sure why but loud ass motorcycles driven loudly in the summer up here are a thing. And the drivers do this in packs. It's like the tranquil peaceful quiet of the rustling leaves and chirping birds is too much for them to take and they have to drive these ass blaster bikes as loud as they possibly fucking can in a herd of 4+. One of these packs just drove by. I had a call right as they did, and they were too loud for me to hear the lost person who was asking me directions questions.

One of my favorite parts of summer up here is that every day like clockwork between 3 - 7 pm it rain. It never lasts more than 10 - 15 minutes tops, and usually is a light drizzle except for maybe 2 minutes of downpour, tops. Today it started at 2:45. When it starts the tourists FREAK. There were multiple families that sprinted by. The veterans who know their shit have been strolling around in their rain jackets like bosses. I just had a couple duck into my kisosk for a minute and a half, asking me inane questions about rafting with no real curiosity behind their voices so it didn't look obvious to me they were avoiding the heavy parts of the rain. 8 minutes later and the sky is blue again.

I had kind of hoped there'd have been more worthwhile examples to cross my path today so that I could share them with the expected amount of vitriol Or Kill Me warrants, providing more than just generic people watching that is partially what you find in any hub with people. Alas, not to be today.

Of course now that I'm closing this out I'm sure the shitshow will arrive. Until the next time I'm raging in this glass octogon.

-Or Kill Me





We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#1
July 15, 2013, 02:11:23 AM
Hahahaha that was enjoyable!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#2
July 15, 2013, 03:02:58 AM
Poor li'l guy, stuck in a cage. I feel bad for ya. Funny post though. :)
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Da6s

#3
July 20, 2013, 05:30:17 PM Last Edit: July 20, 2013, 06:30:00 PM by Da6s


^
For your visual reference. This is my 2 day a week part time summer job that i was considering walking out on when I got full time at my main gig, but opted to stay. Because money. May be revealing information in that pic, but fuck it, I'm not even putting this place on my resume. Call me to book a rafting trip yo.

Banished again today to this glass encased octogon. Already had 3 packs of obnoxiously loud motorcyclists. Let's see what else we get in the next few hours.

2 more packs drove by. There's 5 motorcycles in this picture, their pack had about 11 in it:


Town's quiet this morning. That's a relief. There's a yappy dog across the street. I've been asked for directions once. Back when I was doing the property management thing at Keystone I would vent my employment frustration by giving bad directions to certain tourists whom I felt deserved it. I should go back to that. Always good for warm fuzzies.

Fucking hate people. Guy just called in, standard rez, paying, blah blah. Go through the whole spiel, cancellation policy and all, confirm card number, tell him i'm about to process the payment for the full amount. He says ok. I process the payment. HE THROWS A SHIT FIT because he wanted the payment split over 2 cards. He never said this at any time until after I started the processing of his card. A 10 minute pain in my ass later he hangs up the phone. Fuck that guy.

We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#4
July 20, 2013, 05:36:34 PM
Fishtank!

The things we do for money. I'm dressing up like an island girl and serving punch at an "tropical" themed river event next week. No kidding.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Da6s

#5
July 20, 2013, 05:42:14 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 05:36:34 PM
Fishtank!

The things we do for money. I'm dressing up like an island girl and serving punch at an "tropical" themed river event next week. No kidding.

Kinky.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#6
July 20, 2013, 05:55:28 PM
Is your fishtank next to a playground? What's that small structure in the background?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Da6s

#7
July 20, 2013, 06:34:12 PM
To the front is an apartment complex. To the left is a stair of this shopping center. Which are you referring to, and I'll snag a pic for reference.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#8
July 20, 2013, 06:36:01 PM
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Da6s

#9
July 20, 2013, 06:39:53 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 06:36:01 PM
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.




Obnoxious rasta pasta featured as well. Hideous pink buildings, right? They look so much better snow covered with xmas lights all over.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

#10
July 20, 2013, 06:47:03 PM


Because she's sexy. And I'm looking through old wintry pics I never posted in shangri but meant to.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

#11
July 20, 2013, 06:50:50 PM
An example of the Colorado snow roads I mentioned at length in Shangri:

We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

#12
July 20, 2013, 06:59:37 PM
Here's the view from outside the front door of my apartment in winter:

We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

East Coast Hustle

#13
July 20, 2013, 07:26:18 PM
Nice pics! I always dig it when you post this stuff - reminds me of when I was younger and even more highly irresponsible.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#14
July 20, 2013, 08:12:33 PM
Quote from: Da6s on July 20, 2013, 06:39:53 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 06:36:01 PM
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.




Obnoxious rasta pasta featured as well. Hideous pink buildings, right? They look so much better snow covered with xmas lights all over.

It's some kind of... unused signboard shelter? Weird. And WHAT THE FUCK does "Rasta pasta" even MEAN? Jamaican pasta?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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