Attn Phineas T Poxwattle

[Suu]

Doctor Cainad!

I have a whoopie cushion stuck in my ass, what do?

[Cainad (dec.)]

Mr cainad- youre all trippy colored. That might be the gin talking i dunno. My heads full of coffee flavored cotton balls and friday time is two hours away and times all wonky and slow due to relevatistic effects. Thanks a lot einstein. Anyway. Cotton balls.

Time distortions? Caffeinated cotton conundrum?

Have I got the cure for you!

For a nominal fee, ride this diesel-powered merry-go-round with your feet tied to the center. The caffeinated blood will rush to your head and, combined with the relativistic differences between your feet and your brain, will get you wicked high.

[EK WAFFLR]

Poxtwattle, I thank you for curing me .

However, since then I have rather unexpectedly become a twatwaffle. How do I mend this?

Dr. Cainad, plx halp

[Cainad (dec.)]

Dr. Cainad!  I have the most awful case of wolf bites and Wobuffet poomp!  What can you do for me?

Moar vindaloo to ward off the wolf bites. It's a scientific fact that wolves are big sissy wimps who can't handle spice. To be extra sure, buy my proprietary vindaloo sauce spice blend; now with 25% more tungsten!

As far as Wobuffet poomp goes, use Ultra Balls or some shit. I'll even sell you a 13 year old nerd who's got this Pokemans stuff memorized. Actually, take him for free. Please. He never shuts up.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Doctor Cainad!

I have a whoopie cushion stuck in my ass, what do?

A common problem! Luckily, my patented methods are at the very forefront of modern medical pseudoscience, and at such reasonable prices!

For a mere $39.99 a month, you can lease this one of a kind specialized Whoopiectomy tool, which will gently extract the problem with minimal damage to your expensive Whoopie cushion.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Poxtwattle, I thank you for curing me .

However, since then I have rather unexpectedly become a twatwaffle. How do I mend this?

Dr. Cainad, plx halp

Why, that looks likes a serious case indeed, my good man! You mustn't hesitate, take this cure immediately:

Whipped cream, lingonberries, and this here 55-gallon drum of my special Medicated Syrup.

Accept no substitutes! Dr Cainad has traversed the Himalayas to extract this incredible syrup from genuine Dolly Llamas. No other syrup can give you that unique tingly sensation!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Mr cainad- youre all trippy colored. That might be the gin talking i dunno. My heads full of coffee flavored cotton balls and friday time is two hours away and times all wonky and slow due to relevatistic effects. Thanks a lot einstein. Anyway. Cotton balls.

Time distortions? Caffeinated cotton conundrum?

Have I got the cure for you!

For a nominal fee, ride this diesel-powered merry-go-round with your feet tied to the center. The caffeinated blood will rush to your head and, combined with the relativistic differences between your feet and your brain, will get you wicked high.

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......

[Telarus]

 





Dr Cainaid, I have a case of horribly fractured debt. It varies from a nagging pain to an acute burning. What should I do?

[Freeky]

Dr. Cainad!  I have the most awful case of wolf bites and Wobuffet poomp!  What can you do for me?

Moar vindaloo to ward off the wolf bites. It's a scientific fact that wolves are big sissy wimps who can't handle spice. To be extra sure, buy my proprietary vindaloo sauce spice blend; now with 25% more tungsten!

As far as Wobuffet poomp goes, use Ultra Balls or some shit. I'll even sell you a 13 year old nerd who's got this Pokemans stuff memorized. Actually, take him for free. Please. He never shuts up.

Hmm. What condition is the kid in?

[Cainad (dec.)]

Dr Cainaid, I have a case of horribly fractured debt. It varies from a nagging pain to an acute burning. What should I do?

Well let's just have a look here...

Hmm... ah-hah, yes! That's it!

It looks like your problems arise from an imbalance of the monetary humours. The only known effective treatment is to pay the fee to put all of your money into the collection jar. This will homeopathically cure your woes by diluting the amount of money you have, making it more effective.

Don't risk your health on lesser miracle cures! Others will try to swindle you with their colored waters and hobo extracts.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Dr. Cainad!  I have the most awful case of wolf bites and Wobuffet poomp!  What can you do for me?

Moar vindaloo to ward off the wolf bites. It's a scientific fact that wolves are big sissy wimps who can't handle spice. To be extra sure, buy my proprietary vindaloo sauce spice blend; now with 25% more tungsten!

As far as Wobuffet poomp goes, use Ultra Balls or some shit. I'll even sell you a 13 year old nerd who's got this Pokemans stuff memorized. Actually, take him for free. Please. He never shuts up.

Hmm. What condition is the kid in?

Reasonably clean, all original parts, slightly poor posture. Only available in English language version.

[Freeky]

I'll pass on the teen, but here's what I owe you for the vindaloo spices and Ultra Ball tip.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Hobo extracts.   

Off to use that one.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Hobo extracts.   

Off to use that one.

Highly volatile once purified, store large batches only in raw form. Side effects on exposed personnel remain unknown.