From the Desk of TGRR; Corporate Life in the 21st Century (blog)

[LMNO]

I'm amazed you don't have a higher rate of massive strokes at your company.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, Mike has managed to set a new high in diplomacy.  We're in a department meeting (5 mechanics, 3 electricians, representing a total of about 250 years of experience), to which he has elected to invite himself.

Roger:  And the contractors will be doing the next ball mill start to finish.

Mike:  Wait a minute.  You guys are going to add the media, right?  (NOTE:  The media is a few dozen metric tons of ceramic balls.  It's nasty, grueling work.  Cut bag, dump bag, for about 12 hours).

Roger:  No.  The contractors have been hired by you to INSTALL THE MILL.  That means THE WHOLE THING.

Mike:  (in front of my guys):  But that's not really skilled work.  Your guys can do it.

At this point, the meeting descends into chaos, with all my guys making retard noises and waving their arms around.  Mike becomes offended, and tells me they're insubordinate.  I tell him he's an asshole.  He leaves and tells Jim.  Jim asks my guys.  Nobody remembers a thing.  Mike is now sitting in his office, screaming at anyone who tries to talk to him.

Oh my god.  He's an IDIOT.

[Reginald Ret]

So, Mike has managed to set a new high in diplomacy.  We're in a department meeting (5 mechanics, 3 electricians, representing a total of about 250 years of experience), to which he has elected to invite himself.

Roger:  And the contractors will be doing the next ball mill start to finish.

Mike:  Wait a minute.  You guys are going to add the media, right?  (NOTE:  The media is a few dozen metric tons of ceramic balls.  It's nasty, grueling work.  Cut bag, dump bag, for about 12 hours).

Roger:  No.  The contractors have been hired by you to INSTALL THE MILL.  That means THE WHOLE THING.

Mike:  (in front of my guys):  But that's not really skilled work.  Your guys can do it.

At this point, the meeting descends into chaos, with all my guys making retard noises and waving their arms around.  Mike becomes offended, and tells me they're insubordinate.  I tell him he's an asshole.  He leaves and tells Jim.  Jim asks my guys.  Nobody remembers a thing.  Mike is now sitting in his office, screaming at anyone who tries to talk to him.

Isn't that what minimum wage temps are for?

Who cares?  My guys aren't doing it.  The contractor is responsible for getting it done.

And it totally wasn't the point.  The point was, he just stood there and told all my guys that they are unskilled.  To their faces.

I got that, I merely wished to add that he also implied they were about as badly paid as temps making him stupid on several levels.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

New ball mill motor vibration analysis indicates that the failure frequencies on the gearbox bearings have tripled in 12 hours...And that the drive side motor bearing has also failed.

This means that the motor and the gearbox are not properly aligned.  I told Mike.  Mike has elected to disregard data and acquire money, because he can't hear a problem with his ears.  Mill not shut down.  Failure imminent, catastrophic failure possible¹.

I have moved all personnel away from the mill.  Mike will either shut it down or he won't.

Who cares?  NOT THIS KID.







¹ "Catastrophic failure" of a ball mill means the steel rotating cylinder (8 feet by 10 feet) full of media (approximately 43,000 Kg) comes off of its supports, hits the ground rolling, and wanders off looking to make friends.  This is generally less pleasant than I make it sound.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm amazed you don't have a higher rate of massive strokes at your company.

My boss is practicing.

[Junkenstein]

Mike:  (in front of my guys):  But that's not really skilled work.  Your guys can do it.

At this point, the meeting descends into chaos, with all my guys making retard noises and waving their arms around.  Mike becomes offended, and tells me they're insubordinate.  I tell him he's an asshole.  He leaves and tells Jim.  Jim asks my guys.  Nobody remembers a thing.  Mike is now sitting in his office, screaming at anyone who tries to talk to him.

That's classic.

I'll sling a couple of my recent idiot incidents at this place up. Curly, Larry and Moe are truly becoming their namesakes. I'm probably going to quit the day I get them to start slapping each other while making whooping noises because it'll never get better than that.


Background - I've been at this place for about a couple of months now, Part of my terms of employment were that the stooges were kept away from anything I'm involved in. The paperwork here is a fucking mess so as always, I took the liberty of re-writing the disciplinary policy to a much more useful form. I encourage anyone to do this if you get or can create the opportunity. Needless to say, there is a degree of animosity between us. As always those actually grafting are pretty good guys.

Curly Needs Notice.

A couple of weeks ago, Curly had to pick up an unusually large skip from quite a distance away. Due to the various constraints on site, the size of the thing and the distance it was determined that Curly must set forth at 3AM to accomplish this task. Curly is in a tracked Vehicle. Curly understands that he must arrive no later than 9AM or he may as well have not left. This is approximately 3 weeks before it must be done and is discussed periodically before the day.

Needless to say, he leaves around 5-ish, gets there for about 10:30 and is told to go forth and multiply. Taking pity (and wanting the client for other reasons) I smooth things over and most tasks are accomplished.

The next day, Curly is not pleased. Curly did not know. He did not get enough notice. He needed to know sooner. It is everyone's fault apart from him. Christ has nothing on the martyr I see before me. Curly decides to blame me in his tirade. I take mild offence at this.

J:Curly, do you recall being with me when I got the call in the first place regarding this event?
C:Yes,but it's
J:Tell me how the fuck I am supposed to tell you about things before I know about them.
C:Need more notice
J:It would require A FUCKING TIME MACHINE TO ACCOMPLISH THIS.
C:Loads of grief from the missus
J:I do not care for your problems. I have problems. I am looking at an incompetent problem. This is a verbal warning. Do not be late again.
C:Can't do that
J:Yes. I can. And I want to and can do more. You understand I now have to re-write this policy (Waved random pile of paper) to accommodate time machines. I have to fill out a form regarding your need for a time machine as the reason you were late for the client. Or I have to think of a better excuse. Either way the more I talk the more pissed off I'm getting and you still haven't left yet
C:But
J:OUT.

Curly leaves. I can't believe the level of bullshit I've now got to fix, even if most of the above is largely fabricated to allow for additional slack. I've never let loose at Curly before this point so I wasn't sure how he would react. I did not expect him to leave the office, proceed and meet Larry. Larry becomes the target of Curly's woes. Curly slaps Larry. Larry Punches Curly.

Both now have final written warnings.

I don't know whether to love this place or run screaming.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

That is the DREAM JOB.  Why would you EVER leave?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I got that, I merely wished to add that he also implied they were about as badly paid as temps making him stupid on several levels.

Well, the guys know him well.  Mike does not believe that life is multicellular until it has a degree.  Below that, all persons are equal.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My boss has ordered the mill shut down.  He is literally bouncing up and down in fury.   

When I say "literally", I don't mean "totally".  I mean he is LITERALLY bouncing up and down in fury.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I got that, I merely wished to add that he also implied they were about as badly paid as temps making him stupid on several levels.

Well, the guys know him well.  Mike does not believe that life is multicellular until it has a degree.  Below that, all persons are equal.

It occurs to me that the reason he believes this way is that the degree is all he has.

Therefore it must be the most important thing in the entire world.

[LMNO]

My boss has ordered the mill shut down.  He is literally bouncing up and down in fury.   

When I say "literally", I don't mean "totally".  I mean he is LITERALLY bouncing up and down in fury.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

My boss has ordered the mill shut down.  He is literally bouncing up and down in fury.   

When I say "literally", I don't mean "totally".  I mean he is LITERALLY bouncing up and down in fury.

Yay everyone not dying right now?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My boss has ordered the mill shut down.  He is literally bouncing up and down in fury.   

When I say "literally", I don't mean "totally".  I mean he is LITERALLY bouncing up and down in fury.

I am surrounded by doomed bastards.

Life is good.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My boss has ordered the mill shut down.  He is literally bouncing up and down in fury.   

When I say "literally", I don't mean "totally".  I mean he is LITERALLY bouncing up and down in fury.

Yay everyone not dying right now?

I had cleared the area. 

Eventually, my boss asked why.

Mike is now in his office.  I imagine Mike is explaining that this is all my fault, as I had, you know, taken and analyzed the vibration data.

At least that's what Mike told ME, just before Jim channeled THE HAND OF GOD and dragged Mike into his office.

[LMNO]

The way you tell it, it really is pretty goddamned funny.