Dear MRAs and PUAs.

[Kai]

Dear MRAs/PUAs,

          I am truly sorry for your predicament. You have one desire in life, to have sex with women (who meet your arbitrarily high set of standards), and you can't seem to meet this goal. I hear you complaining about the "bitches" who put you in "the friend zone", and I feel your pain. I sympathize with your inability to get dates through "negging", despite all the evolutionary psychology papers you've read. It seems no woman on the planet will have sex with you, the whole world is against you, people are discriminating against you, and you're living in your mother's basement and practicing poor hygiene. It's sad.

         I'm writing this friendly letter to ofter some wisdom on the problem and solutions. It's my gift to you, no cost, no thanks needed. No reply, even.

          There are two fundamental reasons you are in this unfortunate situation. The most obvious (and as should be clear shortly, most minor) problem is that women find you having nothing. I don't mean nothing in terms of limited money, or physical possessions, but rather in terms of self-currency. You are, as aforementioned, living in your mother's basement, you have no life aspirations aside from having sex with women, very few skills beyond your work (if you work at all), even more limited social skills, the hygiene issue I already mentioned, and no ambition. You have, in plainer terms, nothing going for you. Baring the Second Reason, women like having sex with people who are interesting, through muscle mass, intelligence, humor, charisma, technical skill in the bedroom, all of these are possible avenues. You have none of these, at least not in ways that are obvious. Without some extraordinary willpower, this is not likely to change.

            Which brings me to the Second Reason, which is, you're a douchebag. WOAH WOAH, CALM DOWN! I'm using the term in a technical manner here, not as an insult. A douchebag is person (typically male) women find annoying and unpleasant, and often even harmful. Much like the namesake object, women do not enjoy the presence of a douchebag. Sometimes the qualities listen in the First Reason can overcome this syndrome, but given the prevalence of feminists this is becoming more difficult. 

                  What may come as a shock is that you're a douchebag precisely because of your greatest and only desire. Yes, you are a douchebag because you just want to have sex with women. And I'm not saying that women don't enjoy sex; many do. The douchebaggery comes from that little word "just". You just want to have sex with women. You don't want to be friends, you don't want to have nice conversations, to build relationships, to actually care about their lives and their desires. You just want to have them as an object you can stick your ding dong into (and what's so bad about that, really? Your onahole doesn't complain). 

            The truth is, women are people. Yes, people just like everyone else. Albeit usually with different kinds of parts than you (the parts your ding dong likes so much). And as people, they don't generally like being objectified. And if they do, they like it more as a game that is quickly over, and with someone who has qualities of the First Reason. Baring that, they like building relationships and good conversation that includes their interests, having friendships, doing things they consider fun. I'm sure you could build a long list of things that people enjoy doing. Go ahead if you need to, I can wait.

          Got your list? Good. Now realize this: if you want to have sex with women, and you don't have any First Reason qualites, it's okay, you can still end up having sex with women. You just have to treat them as people and take a sincere interest in their lives and eventually there will be a woman who will enjoy your company enough to have sex with you. It's far more likely than you might think.

          I know, I can hear your protestations. "But Kai, I don't care about women's interests, I don't care about their lives, I just want to stick my ding dong where the sun don't shine!" Then my admonition to you is: FAKE IT. Fake it with all your mind and all your heart and all your adipose cells and all your neck hairs. Fake empathy, fake caring, fake interest, fake it as hard as you can, as long as you can. Fake it so hard it becomes second nature.

          Eventually, it won't be fake anymore. You'll have pulled out of your misogynistic narcissism and actually start caring about women as people. You might even gain some social skills in the process (point to reason one qualities!). Women will sense that you actually care about them, and eventually one of them will want to have sex with you. By that point, sex will have a back seat in your mind because those other things like empathy and love will actually be important to you. You'll be happy, they'll be happier, and everyone else will be ecstatic because we'll no longer have to suffer a douchebag. It's a non-zero sum game, everyone wins!

Warm Regards,

             ~Kai

P.S.: You might also want to do something about that neckbeard.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

 

I know I'm behind on these, but could I Big Words this shit up? It's perfect material for a poster.

[Lenin McCarthy]

 

YES.

Those people start in the wrong end. After a while of viewing and treating women as people, you'll no longer feel the need to affirm yourself by sticking your ding dong in them. Maybe you'll find that what you really want is things like meaningful relationships and intimacy.

[LMNO]

Kai, that was amazing.

[Kai]

I know I'm behind on these, but could I Big Words this shit up? It's perfect material for a poster.

Sure. Might need some editing first though.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Let me know when you're happy with it

[Cainad (dec.)]

  Nice. I particularly like the "douchebag" angle. Kind of makes me think about how it's something that a lot of people SAY you should have in your life, but really it's not good for you and can even be quite dangerous.

[McGrupp]

 

[East Coast Hustle]

Fuck yes. I can think of so many people I used to be friends with who needed to receive this letter.

[Junkenstein]

Nice stuff Kai, could I suggest working in the self fulfilling prophecy angle towards the end? I've been wondering about what some of these kind of guys are going to evolve into. I doubt it's more enlightened, it's probably more Norman Bates.

It's conceivable that there's a distinct fraction of people in the US that will inevitably end up utterly withdrawn if they don't change their mindsets. Not saying that this is a loss to humanity, more GDP. Also, I bet that this "phenomena" is somehow going to coming to the west:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

There seems to be a lot in there that ties into a PUA/MRA mindset.

Will try and get more ordered thoughts together.

[Kai]

Nice stuff Kai, could I suggest working in the self fulfilling prophecy angle towards the end? I've been wondering about what some of these kind of guys are going to evolve into. I doubt it's more enlightened, it's probably more Norman Bates.

It's conceivable that there's a distinct fraction of people in the US that will inevitably end up utterly withdrawn if they don't change their mindsets. Not saying that this is a loss to humanity, more GDP. Also, I bet that this "phenomena" is somehow going to coming to the west:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

There seems to be a lot in there that ties into a PUA/MRA mindset.

Will try and get more ordered thoughts together.

Yes, I'm familiar with hikikomori, and no, I don't think they're going to be prevalent in the US because our culture is less inclined towards that sort of withdrawal. Furthermore, MRAs/PUAs put themselves in social situations, otherwise they wouldn't be complaining so much about the friendzone.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Bravo, Kai!

I've found that the number one tip-off that a guy doesn't see women as people is if he complains about "friendzoning", because it means he doesn't want to be friends with women. If you don't like someone enough to be friends with them, why would you want to date them?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nice stuff Kai, could I suggest working in the self fulfilling prophecy angle towards the end? I've been wondering about what some of these kind of guys are going to evolve into. I doubt it's more enlightened, it's probably more Norman Bates.

It's conceivable that there's a distinct fraction of people in the US that will inevitably end up utterly withdrawn if they don't change their mindsets. Not saying that this is a loss to humanity, more GDP. Also, I bet that this "phenomena" is somehow going to coming to the west:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

There seems to be a lot in there that ties into a PUA/MRA mindset.

Will try and get more ordered thoughts together.

That article led me to this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokuo

It is interesting that the article mentions a link between shortness and this social disorder, partly because I know many quite short very attractive men who are eminently successful with the ladies (E.O.T., Alty, my ex-husband's best friend, and my neighbor, among others) which makes me first wonder how much it is true, and if it is, whether it isn't a culturally-based desirability issue, but a self-perception issue of some kind that compounds their existing social problems.

[Kai]

Let me know when you're happy with it

Done. Go at it.

A note: I tried to do indents. They're not even. They should be.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Shit yeah!

How did I miss THIS?