Roger's Kitchen

[Richter]

These instructions require appropriate physical plant.  A kitchen with stove top, oven, water supply, trash bucket, refrigerator, adequate cooking pots, pans, tools, etc, as specified in recipes.  If you don't have a specific item, like a spatula that's your problem. 

[LMNO]

Also: "making it BETTER" is widely discouraged.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also: "making it BETTER" is widely discouraged.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

These instructions require appropriate physical plant.  A kitchen with stove top, oven, water supply, trash bucket, refrigerator, adequate cooking pots, pans, tools, etc, as specified in recipes.  If you don't have a specific item, like a spatula that's your problem.

2 fire extinguishers (20#) are now permanently installed in the kitchen.

I IS READDAYYY

[LMNO]

I worry about Roger and knives, due to the "missing chunk of ear" episode, but I'm afraid that can't be helped.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I worry about Roger and knives, due to the "missing chunk of ear" episode, but I'm afraid that can't be helped.

It's healing nicely.  I look like I've been in a fight with a rottweiler, but only a tiny bit of the ear is actually GONE.

[Richter]

Fried eggs:

Equipment needed:
1 stove top pan 6 in. diameter or greater recommended, side walls of no more than 2 inches high. - cooking surface. 
(Material may be heavy stainless steel or properly seasoned cast-iron.)   

1 spatula - Food manipulation tool 
(Stainless steel construction recommended.  Plastic is prone to catastrophic failure, wood will degrade and is prone to rancidity from absorbed food.)   

1 plate - for finished egg product



Ingredients:

1 teaspoon cooking oil or butter  (cooking oil may be olive oil, canola oil, or more exotic varieties.

1 chicken egg (adjust amount of oil/butter for other species only once familiar with chicken egg size.)

Process:

1. Place pan on stove top. 

2. Activate heat under pan to medium intensity, place oil/butter into center of pan immediately.

NOTE - Each stove will be slightly different, each pan heats up at different rates.  Repeat cooking process to familiarize.

3.  Observe oil / butter with face at a safe distance (1foot or more).  When butter is melted completely, or oil has spread more freely (no more than 1 minute, depending on thickness of pan and intensity of the stove being used), proceed to step 4.

NOTE - Fire hazard - Do not remove attention from kitchen area with heat under oil.  Deactivate heat before leaving kitchen or diverting attention more than briefly.

4.  pick up egg, strike on edge of pan to produce ligth cracking in shell surface without entirely compromising structure.  Move egg over heated oil/butter.  Gently pull at shell to enlarge crack, allow egg to drop from shell onto oil/butter.  Discard shell.

NOTE - Biohazard - Raw egg may harbor disease.  Discard shell and rinse hands promptly.  Do not use un refrigerated or compromized food product.  Momentary diversion off attention to attend to this is acceptable, but resume attention on cooking pan immediately.

NOTE - Interruption by ninjas or meth heads may occur.  Deactivate heat on stove, and assault interlopers with the heated pan.  Discard egg, clean area and items, resume recipe from step 1.

5.  observe egg in pan.  When adequately cooked then entirely "White" of the egg will turn white. No clear substance form the white will remain.  (Around 5 minutes, most, on most medium heat settings.)  When clear portion of egg has completely whitened, remove from heat to plate.

NOTE - eggs may be flipped or yolk lacerated with spatula part way through depending on personal taste.  This fancy shit is yo problem.

6.  Deactivate heat under pan immediately.  Season Egg to taste (salt, pepper, hot sauce, etc.)

NOTE - cast iron will require special treatment - this will be addressed seperately

7.  Prepared egg will be hot, allow to cool for 1-3 minutes, then eat.

NOTE - fried egg may require fork, spoon, or other tool to eat.  Use your best judgement here.

NOTE - Beware of the leopard


Richter not responsible for ANYTHING done with these instructions.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

 

[LMNO]

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

Fucking brilliant, Richter.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

OMG I LOVE THIS.

Cleaning like a madwoman today, I have some good potato recipes to add later though!

[Cainad (dec.)]

 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

This is awesome, Richter. 

[Kai]

  I'd say that no one could screw this up, but I know better.