Church of the New Apostate

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

#6 is so true.

There was this guy, Noah Antwiler, who used to do a movie review in the back of Knights of the Dinner Table, back in the day.  He was HILARIOUSLY BAD at it, and the letters to the editor EVERY MONTH had people sticking up for him or DEMANDING that his column be removed.  Every 2 months or so, there were at least 2 people who cancelled their subscription because of him.

Because of a 1-2 page column that was FILLER in the back of a comic/gaming magazine.

Critics like that are GEMS.  I'd laugh my ass off every month, during proof-reading.  He wasn't pretentious or arrogant, he was just REALLY REALLY BAD at dissecting a movie.  The ONE time he made sense (his justifiably brutal review for the 3rd Pirates movie, long after I left), resulted in a dozen cancellations.

And he was one of the GOOD ones.  He was doing it for fun, with no educational background or any work experience in film.  He made bad reviews an art form of its own, though I am certain that this was only partially intentional.

That sounds rather lovely.

[Sita]

#6 is so true.

There was this guy, Noah Antwiler, who used to do a movie review in the back of Knights of the Dinner Table, back in the day.  He was HILARIOUSLY BAD at it, and the letters to the editor EVERY MONTH had people sticking up for him or DEMANDING that his column be removed.  Every 2 months or so, there were at least 2 people who cancelled their subscription because of him.

Because of a 1-2 page column that was FILLER in the back of a comic/gaming magazine.

Critics like that are GEMS.  I'd laugh my ass off every month, during proof-reading.  He wasn't pretentious or arrogant, he was just REALLY REALLY BAD at dissecting a movie.  The ONE time he made sense (his justifiably brutal review for the 3rd Pirates movie, long after I left), resulted in a dozen cancellations.

And he was one of the GOOD ones.  He was doing it for fun, with no educational background or any work experience in film.  He made bad reviews an art form of its own, though I am certain that this was only partially intentional.

He's still doing a mixture of movie and game reviews. I check his site a couple times a month for new stuff.

[Richter]

Lots of troofpaste there.  I especially like the bit about the packaged sterility of institution music.  And Jazz

I am also reminded of the time the General Stuart tried to engage me in a meaningful conversation about Christianity.  I started reciting the previous mentioned "Like a Prayer" to him.  Each line was a response to something he'd say.  I was through the chorus before he caught on.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Lots of troofpaste there.  I especially like the bit about the packaged sterility of institution music.  And Jazz

I am also reminded of the time the General Stuart tried to engage me in a meaningful conversation about Christianity.  I started reciting the previous mentioned "Like a Prayer" to him.  Each line was a response to something he'd say.  I was through the chorus before he caught on.

Sort of a real-life "THE WHOLE THING" troll.

[Richter]

"Never loose sight o what your condition of victory is for a given situation.  It may not pay to be the last badass standing, if the game was who has more beer left after the fracas."   

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"Never loose sight o what your condition of victory is for a given situation.  It may not pay to be the last badass standing, if the game was who has more beer left after the fracas."   

"When playing drinking games, play to lose."
- Chuck Kaiser (1969-1992)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Part 7

The 80s were a brutal decade.  It was a decade that punched you in the face every time you turned around.  Reagan and Haig, the Washington Wives, Bush sr bitching about Ice T, and BAD FUCKING MUSIC.  The 80s were essentially sterile, with even the greats (Elton John, Metallica, etc) producing rehashed shit that was about as new as the boils on my ass.

There were, however, a few glimmers of light.  Kirsty McColl, Don Feldman, and - of course - The Talking Heads.  David Byrne was the perfect man for the 80s.  While Reagan preached nuclear doom, Byrne was explaining to us that what the world REALLY needed was giant lizards stomping around and killer pyromaniac midgets.  What the hell is not to love about that?

Now, while some of their tracks were pretty banal (Stop Making Sense), you also had Life During Wartime, Pyschokiller, and Road To Nowhere.  Like it or hate it, it was ORIGINAL.  It was NEW, and a lot of thought and effort had obviously been put into it.  Some of it was danceable (Burning Down the House and Wild, Wild Life, for example), a lot of it wasn't.  But what it definitely wasn't, was a rehash of Goddamn Pink Floyd or Iron Butterfly or Bad Company, or any of the other awful museum pieces that staggered out of the 70s.

One thing that made them interesting was that you couldn't copy them.  They couldn't be hammered into a template for cloning, because the genius of the band was locked in David Byrne's spectacularly brain-damaged head.  They were here, we enjoyed them, they left.  BEFORE THEY GOT STALE.

And that's kind of an accomplishment in itself.  Know when to exit stage left, and try something new. 

A lot of bands could have profited from their example in that respect.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, David Byrne is somehow still hot.

[Eater of Clowns]

He's touring with Saint Vincent right now after they put out an album together.

Roger, you've mentioned you're a Lana del Ray fan - check out Saint Vincent, if you haven't yet. I think you'll like her style.

[Richter]

Deacon Richter's Epistle to the "Don't be a Dick" ians

OK, so you've got a catchy re-take on the golden rule.  Bravo, it's catchy, and I can't hate it.  Here's a few things you all should keep in mind though:

DO it right, do it all the time.  Not just around your buddies.  That traffic rage? loose it.  Trust me here, if you're about being a laid back, cool guy with the "don't be a dick" creed, then the lost strife won't bug you much. 

It isn't cosmic bargaining.  Just like all the other ones.  When your shit gets jacked and you're howling to the heavens; remember, they owe you nothing.  You have not gotten on the good side of probability with your ways.  At most, you OUGHT to be cultivating the freinds and social support to help out when stuff does go bad.  THAT is the closest thing to an immediate return on "karma" this side of the grave.

That's it, have fun, and I look forward to your near-inevitable slide to dogma.

[Richter]

The truth that can be spoken is the only one that some of these assholes are going to hear!

Ars Richterra, the drunk3n napkin scribbles

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The Whiskey Rules

1.  Shots are for po'buckers in loser bars.  You put the whiskey in a tumbler and sip at it.  You get the taste, you get the burn, and you don't get wrecked unless you're patient.

2.  Chugging whiskey should be a capital offense.  Fortunately, nature designed things so that this is largely the case.

3.  Whiskey is manly in inverse proportion to its price.  Maker's Mark is average.  Below that is chest hair, above that is guys named Trevor who somehow escaped the server room.

4.  Whiskey is not designed to be mixed or adulterated with any other substance.  This includes ice.  Whiskey neat is the only way to maintain a state of grace.  Using whiskey in mixed drinks is the road to perdition.

5.  Whiskey won't cure you, but you won't care.

6.  Rye is not whiskey, no matter who says so.  Rye is a foul concoction that is fit only for cleaning engine parts and/or consumption by Canadians, who don't know any better.

7.  You will never see a Humphrey Bogart movie in which a "chaser" is involved in any way with whiskey.  This is worth mentioning, because Humphrey Bogart is the FINAL AUTHORITY on whiskey.

8.  The only non-Bogart movie that took whiskey seriously was Inglorious Bastards.

9.  Proof of whiskey's superiority is that we won the cold war against vodka-drinking Russkis.  End of story.

10.  Whiskey makes you stupid.  Of course it makes you stupid.  If you didn't want to be stupid, you wouldn't be drinking toxic liquids in the first place.  Stop being so fucking American™ and just admit that you're hammered.

- From Tucson Wisdom as written by Doctor Howl, just prior to his death.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  I like #3 and #6 the best.

I will note that there is an exception to #7, which is the beer back. Not really a "chaser", it's a BACK. In Oregon, the bartenders are legally required to serve you a back on request at no extra charge. The back is usually beer, and depending on the bartender and how much they love you, it might take the form of four ounces of PBR, or a pint of decent ale.

I have one friend who walked into a bar and ordered a bourbon with a tequila back. They gave it to him.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I like #3 and #6 the best.

I will note that there is an exception to #7, which is the beer back. Not really a "chaser", it's a BACK. In Oregon, the bartenders are legally required to serve you a back on request at no extra charge. The back is usually beer, and depending on the bartender and how much they love you, it might take the form of four ounces of PBR, or a pint of decent ale.

I have one friend who walked into a bar and ordered a bourbon with a tequila back. They gave it to him.

This custom sounds strange and foreign, and can only lead to a decline in American Values™.

Anyway, I'm gonna etch these in titanium down at Xerocraft.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like #3 and #6 the best.

I will note that there is an exception to #7, which is the beer back. Not really a "chaser", it's a BACK. In Oregon, the bartenders are legally required to serve you a back on request at no extra charge. The back is usually beer, and depending on the bartender and how much they love you, it might take the form of four ounces of PBR, or a pint of decent ale.

I have one friend who walked into a bar and ordered a bourbon with a tequila back. They gave it to him.

This custom sounds strange and foreign, and can only lead to a decline in American Values™.

Anyway, I'm gonna etch these in titanium down at Xerocraft.

That is a GREAT idea!