More Email Freaks.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Got me another email weirdo.  Spelling corrected for basic legibility.

Do you have a literary agent?  I've written thousands but I have been blacklisted for my work for Palestine.  Whenever I send a manuscript in, the Jews say it doesn't fit their needs.

I immediately suspected that Zach Spier was having me on...He is a friend of Nigel's and is therefore irresponsible and probably insane.  However, it turns out that whomever it is, he is posting from upstate New York.  So I respond:

I am sorry to hear that the Jews have blocked your literary efforts.  I had the same problem until I hired ee cummings as my literary agent and Martin Bormann as my editor.  Since then, the Jew publishers live in abject fear of me, and publish anything I send them.  Last week, as a joke, I sent them a copy of the yellow pages, and they wrote me a letter gushing about the subtle plot of my novel.  I would send you my agent and editor's contact information, but I am having great success with them, and I do not wish their services to be employed by you, my competitor.

Waiting for response.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Got me another email weirdo.  Spelling corrected for basic legibility.

Do you have a literary agent?  I've written thousands but I have been blacklisted for my work for Palestine.  Whenever I send a manuscript in, the Jews say it doesn't fit their needs.

I immediately suspected that Zach Spier was having me on...He is a friend of Nigel's and is therefore irresponsible and probably insane.  However, it turns out that whomever it is, he is posting from upstate New York.  So I respond:

I am sorry to hear that the Jews have blocked your literary efforts.  I had the same problem until I hired ee cummings as my literary agent and Martin Bormann as my editor.  Since then, the Jew publishers live in abject fear of me, and publish anything I send them.  Last week, as a joke, I sent them a copy of the yellow pages, and they wrote me a letter gushing about the subtle plot of my novel.  I would send you my agent and editor's contact information, but I am having great success with them, and I do not wish their services to be employed by you, my competitor.

Waiting for response.

That's amazing!

The original message is almost Zach-like, but he probably would have also included his trademark of telling you that he hopes to learn to do something seemingly trivial yet hopelessly vague.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The original message is almost Zach-like, but he probably would have also included his trademark of telling you that he hopes to learn to do something seemingly trivial yet hopelessly vague.

Probably.  But Zach is wily and cagey, and smart enough to disguise his style.  But sadly no, I believe this guy is legit.

And he has written THOUSANDS.

I actually believe that.  No, I KNOW he was "written thousands".

Where do these people come from?  And why do they seek ME out?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The original message is almost Zach-like, but he probably would have also included his trademark of telling you that he hopes to learn to do something seemingly trivial yet hopelessly vague.

Probably.  But Zach is wily and cagey, and smart enough to disguise his style.  But sadly no, I believe this guy is legit.

And he has written THOUSANDS.

I actually believe that.  No, I KNOW he was "written thousands".

Where do these people come from?  And why do they seek ME out?

They are your people, and you are their King. I thought we'd discussed this.

"written thousands" 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The original message is almost Zach-like, but he probably would have also included his trademark of telling you that he hopes to learn to do something seemingly trivial yet hopelessly vague.

Probably.  But Zach is wily and cagey, and smart enough to disguise his style.  But sadly no, I believe this guy is legit.

And he has written THOUSANDS.

I actually believe that.  No, I KNOW he was "written thousands".

Where do these people come from?  And why do they seek ME out?

They are your people, and you are their King. I thought we'd discussed this.

"written thousands" 

Verb, modifier...noun?  Thousands of WHAT?  SPEAK UP, MAN!

There is a special hell for people who are REALLY bad.  It's called "being an associate editor". 

"Here, new guy, you dive into these submissions and see if there's any gold in the dungheap."

[Ben Shapiro]

The original message is almost Zach-like, but he probably would have also included his trademark of telling you that he hopes to learn to do something seemingly trivial yet hopelessly vague.

Probably.  But Zach is wily and cagey, and smart enough to disguise his style.  But sadly no, I believe this guy is legit.

And he has written THOUSANDS.

I actually believe that.  No, I KNOW he was "written thousands".

Where do these people come from?  And why do they seek ME out?

Shall I start the fire your highness?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Got me another email weirdo.  Spelling corrected for basic legibility.

Do you have a literary agent?  I've written thousands but I have been blacklisted for my work for Palestine.  Whenever I send a manuscript in, the Jews say it doesn't fit their needs.

I immediately suspected that Zach Spier was having me on...He is a friend of Nigel's and is therefore irresponsible and probably insane.  However, it turns out that whomever it is, he is posting from upstate New York.  So I respond:

I am sorry to hear that the Jews have blocked your literary efforts.  I had the same problem until I hired ee cummings as my literary agent and Martin Bormann as my editor.  Since then, the Jew publishers live in abject fear of me, and publish anything I send them.  Last week, as a joke, I sent them a copy of the yellow pages, and they wrote me a letter gushing about the subtle plot of my novel.  I would send you my agent and editor's contact information, but I am having great success with them, and I do not wish their services to be employed by you, my competitor.

Waiting for response.

His response arrived this weekend (spelling edited for legibility):

I have read your work and you make some good points, but I have made many more better points.  I can see the influence they have had on you and even if you think you're awake, you're not.  The thoughts you write are their thoughts.  You get their thoughts by using their internet and television, even if you don't know it.  The Jews know it because their masters are the ones doing it, and that's why they won't publish me after my work with Palestine. 

Your response was sarcastic.  I can only hope this is their influence on you, because I thought we were friends.

My response:

Friends?  Dude, I have NO idea who the hell you are.  Please take your meds.  But not where the Jews can see you do it.  They cling to the bottom of your bed and whisper to you in the dark, so make sure to take your pills BEFORE going to your bedroom for the night.

[Cain]

-

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This guy needs a good old dose of the J00s rant.

Don't think I hadn't considered it. 

I ROCK BACK AND FORTH, FOAMING AT TEH MOUF.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh wow. 

[Signora Pæsior]

"Many more better points"

*weeps*

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

This feller thinks you're friends and you don't know who he is. That's something special right there, Roger. Like the lady who thought David Letterman was talking to her and only her, in their special code, that they developed by her watching his show every night for years and years and many more better years. And when she filed a restraining order against him . . . he had no idea who she was.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This feller thinks you're friends and you don't know who he is. That's something special right there, Roger. Like the lady who thought David Letterman was talking to her and only her, in their special code, that they developed by her watching his show every night for years and years and many more better years. And when she filed a restraining order against him . . . he had no idea who she was.

I have had many people whom I've never met state that we're PALS.  Hell, I've had one lady on this very board declare that we were SOULMATES and that I had to dump my (at the time) GF.  Or else.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

This feller thinks you're friends and you don't know who he is. That's something special right there, Roger. Like the lady who thought David Letterman was talking to her and only her, in their special code, that they developed by her watching his show every night for years and years and many more better years. And when she filed a restraining order against him . . . he had no idea who she was.

I have had many people whom I've never met state that we're PALS.  Hell, I've had one lady on this very board declare that we were SOULMATES and that I had to dump my (at the time) GF.  Or else.

Your people love you, Roger. Very, very many more better. Whether you want them to or not.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This feller thinks you're friends and you don't know who he is. That's something special right there, Roger. Like the lady who thought David Letterman was talking to her and only her, in their special code, that they developed by her watching his show every night for years and years and many more better years. And when she filed a restraining order against him . . . he had no idea who she was.

I have had many people whom I've never met state that we're PALS.  Hell, I've had one lady on this very board declare that we were SOULMATES and that I had to dump my (at the time) GF.  Or else.

Your people love you, Roger. Very, very many more better. Whether you want them to or not.

They have written me thousands.