A Pack of Cards.

[Demolition Squid]

I had this weird flash of inspiration when I was at work yesterday. I've spent most of today scribbling notes for it... I'm not sure if it is actually going to go anywhere, and I'm not sure I'm happy with this as the first part of it... but I AM sure I could spend weeks poking at it and I still wouldn't be entirely happy or entirely sure (and I probably will, at that). I thought I'd put it up and see what y'all make of it.

A Pack of Cards

The Queen's footsteps sounded somehow hollow. The marble felt cold under foot. She supposed, in a detached kind of way, that it had always been a very old place, this palace, and yet, it was only recently that she had begun to feel old. How long had it been since they had someone fun in to visit? Well, there was that annoying little giant, but, that was a very long time ago, and now...

The poor King was so sick these days, so weak. She felt it too, of course. They weren't necessary any more. Who is afraid of the Queen, eh? No, there were new shapes in the kingdom now. Gleaming metal and menace on silent wings. Unthinking automata who had no time for riddles and games, men who spoke only in truthful lies, and the terrifying Hungers, which ate the forests and gnawed on the hills and the mountains, drank rivers dry and turned farms into desert. The Court grew quieter every year. Even the cheerier subjects seemed to make less sense to her. She swore she'd seen the cat playing with a box full of lights and noise, beaming words through the air to all his catty friends. What a horrible age. Why, even the visitors were less fun. She already knew what to expect from these lost souls. Not excitement, or terror, or delirium, but instead a hateful indignation as scornful as her own.

The trumpets heralded her arrival with the same, tired, salute that they are obliged to give, and as she settled down on her throne, her face was thunder. In the old days, her husband would try to talk her out of it, or give a cheeky pardon on the sly. Well, aside from that business with the Duchess, but she was a child abuser anyhow, and the evidence really was overwhelming, even if they'd made up their mind before they saw it. These visitors were too stupid to think they could really be in any danger, even if they had to sail through the Dead Accountant's Sea to get here. It made her blood boil.

"Off with their heads."

But even that brought her no pleasure, and there was no zeal in it. They instead started bleating, again, about overdue council tax. "We're representatives of Her Majesty's Government!" One cried, and that brings a smile to her withered lips.

"No no, you WILL be." She corrected the absurd man in his oversized suit. "If governance isn't worth losing your head over, then what is? Right now, you represent nothing at all!"

The burst of vicious laughter that follows makes her courtiers look momentarily nervous. A shadow of the old days, and she sighs, sitting heavily back into the throne. She did KNOW it was all a joke, back then, of course. She was mad, not stupid. She knew that her silly old husband would curb her excesses, and that nobody ever actually really died for speaking out of turn... but it made her feel better to keep up the pretence, and now? Now nobody ever really stopped her, but nobody ever said anything to provoke her, either. She'd gotten everything she'd ever wanted.

It was a fate worse than – well, no. This afternoon she'd go out to watch the axeman at work, and that, at least, would help her reflect on the fact that things most certainly could be worse. For now, she'd just let her eyes close and...

"Your majesty! Your majesty! Oh, your majesty! I'm so dreadfully sorry I'm late! But I have magnificent news! Terrific news, may I even say, wonderful news!"

The Queen's eyes opened, and there was the Rabbit. Her brow knit slowly, and curiosity, for a moment, doused her raising irritation. She'd known the Rabbit to be many things, but rarely ever a liar. "Mmm? Well, spit it out, then, or you'll chew it up to nothing at all."

"We found the way out! To the Angle Land!"

And just like that, the day became interesting. The Queen's eyes lit up, and she sprang to her feet. Her guards, immediately, at attention themselves.
"Well then!" She declared, clapping her hands together, "Lead on, dear Rabbit, lead on! We've punishments to fit for crimes, and tarts to collect! We've lost so much time... but what other use do we have for it? The clock will tick on whether we notice or not."

And so the Queen of Hearts, and much of her Court, followed the White Rabbit back up out of the rabbit hole, and stepped blinking into the real madhouse.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Oooooooh. I like this a lot.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

totally into this