Phone Carrier Blues

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There's an error on my bill.  It took me six months to get a pin reset by snail mail so I can terminate my account.  Finally, got my pin back and am calling to cancel my contract:

-- May I have your name please?
-- Okay..
-- Pin Number?
-- Okay...
-- Password?
-- Password?
-- I am telling you the truth, I cannot proceed without a password.
-- You are only speaking the truth in accordance to the limited resources afforded to you, mkay?
    (please tell me you are recording this)

I proceed to reach through the phone and nail the assistants tounge to the fucking recessed moulding on the wall.

I never gave a password to this account to prevent me from doing what is necessary when my provider tries to bend me over, okay

I'm so pissed off that I apologize in advance and guzzle a bottle inderol with anticipatory bliss at the thought of all that can be accomplished with a partially short-circuited sympathetic nervous system and some catchy 80's music.

I keep the attendant hostage on the phone - demanding that I see my password reset email before letting it go...

The lack of adrenaline bores me and I end up releasing the hostage...

I write this because I cannot tolerate checking my e-mail again, ever   

[Pere Ubu]

Chico Marx voice: "D' passa-word izza swordfish".

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Chico Marx voice: "D' passa-word izza swordfish".

So then, you exxa on the valdeze?