It's that time of year again...

[hooplala]

Nirvana were huge when Cobain killed himself.  What sealed the deal was the fact that they engaged so many through their music.  One of the things Kurt struggled with was the fact that they were drawing not just the weirdos into left-of-center music.  They were drawing the jocks, the preppies, the rich kids, the middle class kids, the poor kids, boys and girls, the smart kids, everyone.  "Come As You Are".

It wasn't just going to be any band.  Yes, there was a generation of kids waiting for a band or music movement to come along that would speak to them and include them.  Hair metal wasn't doing it, the pop mainstream of the day wasn't doing it.  Nirvana rumbled in with "Teen Spirit" and youth culture responded with a "Fuck Yes". 

Pearl Jam couldn't have done that, Soundgarden couldn't, AIC couldn't. Nirvana was the only band set up to do that.  And there hasn't been a band that has done that since.

Period.

You and I are close to the same age... what sort of high school did you go to?  At my school Nirvana was certainly very popular (to my dismay) but equally so, at that time, was Pearl Jam and a plethora of other "alternative" bands I loathed.  You know what else was extremely popular with the youth?  Probably more so?  Hip fucking hop.  The 90s were not the niche market you seem to recall.

I think a lot of people forget just how insanely popular Pearl Jam was. By the time Cobain died, Pearl Jam was far more popular than Nirvana. Unfortunately.

You know who was a big fucking deal in the music scene? THE band? You already know this; it was the Pixies.

I tried to tell him that... this is what I got for my effort:

You can't be serious.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nirvana were huge when Cobain killed himself.  What sealed the deal was the fact that they engaged so many through their music.  One of the things Kurt struggled with was the fact that they were drawing not just the weirdos into left-of-center music.  They were drawing the jocks, the preppies, the rich kids, the middle class kids, the poor kids, boys and girls, the smart kids, everyone.  "Come As You Are".

It wasn't just going to be any band.  Yes, there was a generation of kids waiting for a band or music movement to come along that would speak to them and include them.  Hair metal wasn't doing it, the pop mainstream of the day wasn't doing it.  Nirvana rumbled in with "Teen Spirit" and youth culture responded with a "Fuck Yes". 

Pearl Jam couldn't have done that, Soundgarden couldn't, AIC couldn't. Nirvana was the only band set up to do that.  And there hasn't been a band that has done that since.

Period.

You and I are close to the same age... what sort of high school did you go to?  At my school Nirvana was certainly very popular (to my dismay) but equally so, at that time, was Pearl Jam and a plethora of other "alternative" bands I loathed.  You know what else was extremely popular with the youth?  Probably more so?  Hip fucking hop.  The 90s were not the niche market you seem to recall.

I think a lot of people forget just how insanely popular Pearl Jam was. By the time Cobain died, Pearl Jam was far more popular than Nirvana. Unfortunately.

You know who was a big fucking deal in the music scene? THE band? You already know this; it was the Pixies.

I tried to tell him that... this is what I got for my effort:

You can't be serious.

Yeah, well, what can you expect from someone whose opinions are formed purely from thirdhand exposure?

[LMNO]

I was living in the DC area when Nevermind came out. I was, in fact, playing in a few punk bands and crashing in various apartments with what can only be described as Nirvana's "target audience". We gave the album a listen, and thought "Spirit" had a good hook.

You know what we listened to, though? The Pixies. In DC, the land that Fugazi built.

We also listened to PJ Harvey and the Beasties. But not Nirvana.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

RWHN is very tight with his opinion.  It makes him tight in the ass.  I imagine he spends much of his time in the men's room, trying to take a shit, moaning and groaning.  All that he ever produces, I'm guessing, are pathetic little high-pitched farts.  Every time one of his co-workers goes to take a piss he's in a stall..."ARGH!", "Pahleeeze!", "Oh for the love of GAAAAAAAAAWD!"

It's the same everywhere in America.  The asses are so tight that they squeak.  Everyone has big thick cushions on their chairs to ease the pain.  They walk with short choppy steps, buttocks tense.  It's comical once you notice it.  After you notice it you can't ignore it and keep a straight face.  It's like being in one of those old time movies, a Charlie Chaplin movie.

RWHN-nation (pun incidental & unavoidable, so shut up).  A nation of people obsessed with what other people do or like, who insist that their opinion is so superior to yours that they will bludgeon you with it until you give up in disgust.  Who can't take a proper shit to save their lives, because the stress of being the Smartest Guy in the Room has given them terminal buttlock.

Friends, has your asshole shrunk down?  Does eating vegetables make you sound like a referee's whistle?  Can your farts lance a hole in your jeans, on account of them being one fart-molecule thick?  Have you screamed your pain at an unused roll of toilet paper and an uncaring universe?

Sounds like YOU need to relax.  Take some Slack™, the laxative of the Gods.  SHIT THAT HATE, OR YOU WILL DIE.  Leave being terminally right to people who obsess over that sort of thing (RWHN, for example...It's long past being too late for HIS bunghole, which by now is a geometric point).

Shit your pants.  It's the only hope you have.

[AFK]

Nirvana were huge when Cobain killed himself.  What sealed the deal was the fact that they engaged so many through their music.  One of the things Kurt struggled with was the fact that they were drawing not just the weirdos into left-of-center music.  They were drawing the jocks, the preppies, the rich kids, the middle class kids, the poor kids, boys and girls, the smart kids, everyone.  "Come As You Are".

It wasn't just going to be any band.  Yes, there was a generation of kids waiting for a band or music movement to come along that would speak to them and include them.  Hair metal wasn't doing it, the pop mainstream of the day wasn't doing it.  Nirvana rumbled in with "Teen Spirit" and youth culture responded with a "Fuck Yes". 

Pearl Jam couldn't have done that, Soundgarden couldn't, AIC couldn't. Nirvana was the only band set up to do that.  And there hasn't been a band that has done that since.

Period.

You and I are close to the same age... what sort of high school did you go to?  At my school Nirvana was certainly very popular (to my dismay) but equally so, at that time, was Pearl Jam and a plethora of other "alternative" bands I loathed.  You know what else was extremely popular with the youth?  Probably more so?  Hip fucking hop.  The 90s were not the niche market you seem to recall.

I think a lot of people forget just how insanely popular Pearl Jam was. By the time Cobain died, Pearl Jam was far more popular than Nirvana. Unfortunately.

You know who was a big fucking deal in the music scene? THE band? You already know this; it was the Pixies.

I tried to tell him that... this is what I got for my effort:

You can't be serious.

The Pixies were a cult, college band with a very niche audience.  They were never huge on the level of Nirvana, and like Sonic Youth, got a bump because Nirvana name-dropped them.  I say this as someone who is a huge fan of both of those bands. 

[AFK]

People are conflating and arbitrarily using critical and commercial success ITT, which is part of the disconnect.  And again, to be clear, both Pixies and SY should be in the HOF, and clearly were big influences.  However, they just did not transcend to the level that Nirvana did as far as speaking to a broad audience.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The Pixies were a cult, college band with a very niche audience. 

At this point, the attempt to shit is making a "phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" noise.  If RWHN had a colostomy bag, it would pop like a balloon at this point, showering him and his computer with all the horrible bound up poop that he's been compressing all these years.

It's possible that the separation of mass would fling him out of his cubicle, like an Atlas rocket full of shit, a mobile fire hose of scat that whipsaws back and forth, killing half of his fellow preventionists and forever scarring the rest.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Were you all in comas during the 90s?

Were you going to shows, or reading fanboi rags?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I would like to take a moment to point out that RWHN was still literally a child in some Maine backwoods when Nirvana emerged. I was here and into the music scene in Olympia and Portland... FFS, Nirvana opened for my boyfriend's band at Satyricon, and I worked with guys from Sweaty Nipples and Hitting Birth. Nervous Xtians were still popular, you could see 3 bands for 3 bucks Tuesday nights at Pine Street/La Luna, and I was writing and doing photography for the local music paper in Portland. The reality was, A BAND was going to get tapped to be repackaged for popular consumption because alt rock was skyrocketing in popularity, and everybody was a little baffled that it was Nirvana, but like I said before, Cobain was photogenic. Nirvana's popularity was an effect of the rising popularity and marketability of alt rock, not a cause. This is obvious to anyone who was actually THERE. Which RWHN wasn't, and is clearly piecing together his notions about how it went from magazine retrospectives. Cobain's suicide sealed the deal; without it they would have been just another 90's alt band, and not THE 90's alt band in so many people's minds.

RWHN was playing POGS.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You know, those Aum Shinrynko death cultists in Japan probably wouldn't have bothered with the whole nerve gas thing in the subway, if they hadn't been constipated by Sushi and the need to be RIGHT about religion.  Likewise, if Osama Bin Ladin could have taken a healthy shit, history would be very different.

Which gives me an idea concerning airport security.  Just watch the way people walk.  If they walk like their buttcheeks are sewn together, yank 'em out of line and give them the treatment.  This would save countless man hours at the airport, and make the nation more secure.  Once they're in the back room, they can be checked to see if they have a terminally-impacted bowel, or if they merely have some sort of birth defect.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

The Pixies were a cult, college band with a very niche audience. 

At this point, the attempt to shit is making a "phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" noise.  If RWHN had a colostomy bag, it would pop like a balloon at this point, showering him and his computer with all the horrible bound up poop that he's been compressing all these years.

It's possible that the separation of mass would fling him out of his cubicle, like an Atlas rocket full of shit, a mobile fire hose of scat that whipsaws back and forth, killing half of his fellow preventionists and forever scarring the rest.

WHY DOES HE WEAR THAT HUGE SUIT? WHAT IS HE HIDING? MEGACOLON? OR THE REMNANTS OF A THOUSAND PUNCTURED COLOSTOMY BAGS?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The Pixies were a cult, college band with a very niche audience. 

At this point, the attempt to shit is making a "phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" noise.  If RWHN had a colostomy bag, it would pop like a balloon at this point, showering him and his computer with all the horrible bound up poop that he's been compressing all these years.

It's possible that the separation of mass would fling him out of his cubicle, like an Atlas rocket full of shit, a mobile fire hose of scat that whipsaws back and forth, killing half of his fellow preventionists and forever scarring the rest.

WHY DOES HE WEAR THAT HUGE SUIT? WHAT IS HE HIDING? MEGACOLON? OR THE REMNANTS OF A THOUSAND PUNCTURED COLOSTOMY BAGS?

When the bags all fill up, he looks like Luca Brasi from The Godfather, straining the suit beyond anything any clothes manufacturer could have reasonably been expected to anticipate.

What we saw was RWHN with the bags offloaded prior to testimony.  It's a reasonable precaution, he wouldn't want one of the bags to rupture on local television...And certainly not in the sheriff's office, right next to a cop.  Can you even imagine?  They'd STILL be doing the nightstick rhumba on him, down in the "special" cell in the basement.

[Salty]

Is there some cure for this horrible malady?

One accessible to the average WHN, i mean.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Is there some cure for this horrible malady?

One accessible to the average WHN, i mean.

No, for them it is too late.  The most that can be done is to KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.  At some unguessable point, he will go off like fucking Mount Krakatoa.  The shock wave will certainly reach Boston, possible even as far as parts of Florida.

In Maine, the devastation will be spectacular.  Imagine the surface of the moon, but with poop instead of regolith.  People will speculate and compare it to Taguska or the Barringer Crater, but they will all be wrong.  It will be one of those horrible anomolies that only We here at The Church will understand, and we will keep that knowledge secret for the good of society, just as we have with the Judge Crater disappearance, the assassination of JFK, and what Nixon REALLY said to Agnew that night they were drunkenly prostrating themselves in front of Abe Lincoln's portrait in the White House.

[Don Coyote]

I'm going to use some RWHN-esque reasoning to prove that Pearl Jam is greater than Nirvana.

I don't ever remember hearing Clarissa ask for tickets to Nirvana, but there was an entire episode devoted to her trying to get tickets to Pearl Jam.