UNLIMITED ROOMIE APPRECIATION THREAD

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

I needed you here back when crazy bitch roomie was still living here. The one who I let move in on a temporary basis when her boyfriend kicked her out, who only paid me $200/month because she was too busy spending all her money getting neck tattoos, and then afterwards told my friends that she only moved in as a favor to me. Because I am a poor single mother.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

I needed you here back when crazy bitch roomie was still living here. The one who I let move in on a temporary basis when her boyfriend kicked her out, who only paid me $200/month because she was too busy spending all her money getting neck tattoos, and then afterwards told my friends that she only moved in as a favor to me. Because I am a poor single mother.

Yeah, I remember that. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience is is infinity to zero.

Wait, no, I had Dom as a roomie back in 95/96, and he was a damn good roomie.

So, infinity to one.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience is is infinity to zero.

Wait, no, I had Dom as a roomie back in 95/96, and he was a damn good roomie.

So, infinity to one.

Argh.

I'll push for a miracle.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience, having had a dozen or so roommates in my life, I would say that it's about 25% good ones to 75% fucked-up/batshit/simply badly incompatible.

What I have learned as an adult homeowner is that all too often when other adults are looking to rent a room in someone else's house, it's because they're trainwrecks of one kind or another. Sometimes the trainwreck part is merely that they are in transition from a relationship or a geographical location, but pretty much yeah, there's always something, or else they wouldn't be looking to rent a room.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience is is infinity to zero.

Wait, no, I had Dom as a roomie back in 95/96, and he was a damn good roomie.

So, infinity to one.

Argh.

I'll push for a miracle.

So far, my experience is that older guys make better housemates than younger guys, and younger women make better housemates than older women. I think there are some power dynamics going on there, so YMMV.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience, having had a dozen or so roommates in my life, I would say that it's about 25% good ones to 75% fucked-up/batshit/simply badly incompatible.

What I have learned as an adult homeowner is that all too often when other adults are looking to rent a room in someone else's house, it's because they're trainwrecks of one kind or another. Sometimes the trainwreck part is merely that they are in transition from a relationship or a geographical location, but pretty much yeah, there's always something, or else they wouldn't be looking to rent a room.

I like those odds better than Roger's. 

So "temporary trainwreck" rather than "intrinsically fuckbrained".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I should hire out as a roomie-remover.

I can get the bastards out in 7 days or TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK. (Special rates for 72 hour emergency jobs.)

Basically, I move in as the new "extra" roomie.  Then I do my dance, my pretty little dance.  And use the restroom first in the morning.  And have phone conversations in my room with the door shut that still rattle the windows...

"NO, I DON'T CARE.  YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE FEATHERS OFF YOUR DICK BEFORE THEY THROW YOU IN A CELL, PUFFIN-FUCKER."

...response time...

"NO, I WILL NOT SMUGGLE DRUGS TO YOU.  ARE YOU INSANE?  YOU KNOW THESE CALLS ARE MONITORED!  NO.  NO.  SHUT UP."

etc

That would work, in most cases. And in the ones where it didn't, I have utter faith that you'd think of something. 

Nigel: what's the ratio on roomies? How many only-paid-$200/month-because-too-busy-spending-money-on-(insert bullshit here)-and-says-maddeningly-ignorant-shit types to good ones?

In my experience, having had a dozen or so roommates in my life, I would say that it's about 25% good ones to 75% fucked-up/batshit/simply badly incompatible.

What I have learned as an adult homeowner is that all too often when other adults are looking to rent a room in someone else's house, it's because they're trainwrecks of one kind or another. Sometimes the trainwreck part is merely that they are in transition from a relationship or a geographical location, but pretty much yeah, there's always something, or else they wouldn't be looking to rent a room.

I like those odds better than Roger's. 

So "temporary trainwreck" rather than "intrinsically fuckbrained".

Oh, I also think a lot of them are intrinsically fuckbrained. And the problem with temporary trainwrecks is that about when they're getting better, they move out. On the other hand, in THAT case you end up with a cool new friend. I am still good friends with the 3 non-fuckbrained ex-housemates I've had. All but one of the rest, I hope to never see again. The one who was irreparably impossible to live with but that I still like was only that way because of a combination of hoarding and her annoying boyfriend, so I don't hold it against her, she's a wonderful person when you don't have to live with her many, many things. So many things. Some of which are still, unbelievably, in my basement.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

The bills are paid - YAY!
But we have a roomie - yeah, I know.
Doesn't seem bad. Nice guy - so far.
Alcoholic - BOO
But functional. Makes OK money working in the family business - YAY
But I know it's going to turn to shit.

Going to hang at Oranum now. It's not like Keen, you can make money there because there's a free chat room. People come in and start asking questions and you read free, but they pile up real fast and have to pay to get you in a private chat.

I'll be there as much as I can stand it. Because I want to have some cash when this goes sideways.

[Junkenstein]

Alcoholic? Watch the fuck out. Seriously, I'd rather live with crackheads again than alcoholics.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I have an alcoholic lodger, atm. He's on his last warning - next binge and I break his legs. Yeah, I know, it's only a matter of time but the social pays his rent like clockwork and, hey, I get to break legs at the end of it

[LMNO]

I have an alcoholic lodger, atm. He's on his last warning - next binge and I break his legs. Yeah, I know, it's only a matter of time but the social pays his rent like clockwork and, hey, I get to break legs at the end of it

Don't you live alone?

[P3nT4gR4m]

I have an alcoholic lodger, atm. He's on his last warning - next binge and I break his legs. Yeah, I know, it's only a matter of time but the social pays his rent like clockwork and, hey, I get to break legs at the end of it

Don't you live alone?

Aside from my fiance, her son, his GF, the alcoholic lodger and my deranged canine sidekick, yes