All the single ladies

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So I'm in this single mom group on Facebook and I swear to god, an awful lot of these ladies make my bad-decision-making days sound like the wisdom of the elders. Seriously, ladies. This week alone, one of them has given birth to a child she conceived during a bad decision that she knew at the time was a bad decision (and has spent her entire pregnancy raving about how angry she is at the father for not being there for her), one of them just found out a few days ago that she's pregnant by her bad-decision-du-jour, and a third today is regaling us with the story of her "Pull and pray" with some friend of hers she knows is a bad decision.

Condoms, ladies? IUD? Pill? ANYTHING? I swear to god I think I had less unprotected sex when I was TRYING to get pregnant.

I feel kind of guilty about being judgmental, but seriously with the frequency this is happening I'm kind of astounded. It's not a large group, there are under 50 members.   

Almost all of them are divorced and come from dysfunctional families-of-origin, and almost all of them are seemingly intelligent women in their 30's, who are doing things like inviting a bad idea to come to their house to give them a backrub and then "Oops! I was so surprised I didn't have time to point him to a condom! Great orgasm though!" and I'm like, what. Was that really a surprise? Because it sounded like a booty call. And then they're like "Oh shit I'm ovulating cross your fingers for me" and I'm like "Are you trying to get pregnant by a deadbeat? Because my reaction to that would be the morning-after-pill, which is totally available over-the-counter".

Also to me unprotected sex means "not using a condom even though I really should, but at least I won't get pregnant because of my primary birth control method", not "absolutely no contraceptive method with some backwoods yahoo that will disappear into the trailer park jungle in order to avoid supporting the accidental child I am totally unconsciously deliberately trying to conceive for some mysterious reason".

Of course, my method is not 100% either, witness Little Orange. But I can honestly say that was a bit of a surprise. And my ex is anything but a deadbeat.

Anyway I am apparently way more uptight and judgmental than I thought I was. And I want to take all these jacked-up fools to Planned Parenthood and teach them how it works.

Girl who just found out she was pregnant is having her period now and is freaking out.

Bet money she has her oops-friend over for an it-all-happened-too-fast-to-put-on-a-condom around ovulation time next month, too.   

I can't believe these women really exist.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

ABSTINENCE EDUCATION WORKS!
                                          /

[Dildo Argentino]

Still in memorial mode, your observations put me in mind of this song:

http://youtu.be/lPkVt7U0Gvs

[East Coast Hustle]

So I'm in this single mom group on Facebook and I swear to god, an awful lot of these ladies make my bad-decision-making days sound like the wisdom of the elders. Seriously, ladies. This week alone, one of them has given birth to a child she conceived during a bad decision that she knew at the time was a bad decision (and has spent her entire pregnancy raving about how angry she is at the father for not being there for her), one of them just found out a few days ago that she's pregnant by her bad-decision-du-jour, and a third today is regaling us with the story of her "Pull and pray" with some friend of hers she knows is a bad decision.

Condoms, ladies? IUD? Pill? ANYTHING? I swear to god I think I had less unprotected sex when I was TRYING to get pregnant.

I feel kind of guilty about being judgmental, but seriously with the frequency this is happening I'm kind of astounded. It's not a large group, there are under 50 members.   

Almost all of them are divorced and come from dysfunctional families-of-origin, and almost all of them are seemingly intelligent women in their 30's, who are doing things like inviting a bad idea to come to their house to give them a backrub and then "Oops! I was so surprised I didn't have time to point him to a condom! Great orgasm though!" and I'm like, what. Was that really a surprise? Because it sounded like a booty call. And then they're like "Oh shit I'm ovulating cross your fingers for me" and I'm like "Are you trying to get pregnant by a deadbeat? Because my reaction to that would be the morning-after-pill, which is totally available over-the-counter".

Also to me unprotected sex means "not using a condom even though I really should, but at least I won't get pregnant because of my primary birth control method", not "absolutely no contraceptive method with some backwoods yahoo that will disappear into the trailer park jungle in order to avoid supporting the accidental child I am totally unconsciously deliberately trying to conceive for some mysterious reason".

Of course, my method is not 100% either, witness Little Orange. But I can honestly say that was a bit of a surprise. And my ex is anything but a deadbeat.

Anyway I am apparently way more uptight and judgmental than I thought I was. And I want to take all these jacked-up fools to Planned Parenthood and teach them how it works.

Girl who just found out she was pregnant is having her period now and is freaking out.

Bet money she has her oops-friend over for an it-all-happened-too-fast-to-put-on-a-condom around ovulation time next month, too.   

I can't believe these women really exist.

Since it has been many years since I was one of this particular breed of shithead, I will freely admit to having been one of those douchey guys who had a knack for finding a totally consensual and non-pushy way to weasel out of using a condom. And there are lots of them out there. So yeah, the ladies in question are making awful decisions but they definitely have help. And dudes need to be educated to be conscientious of what can happen when they misuse their dicks. Not arguing your point, it's 100% correct, just adding to it.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

30's = biological clock ticking
+ lack of thinking men
+ women not thinking either

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah the dudes always seem to pull the "NOT MY BEHBEH" and/or the "NOT FAIR I HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT" bullshit a lot, and I'm like .

The thing that's really confusing to me, though, is that speaking as a single lady, it has never been hard for me to find a guy who wants to have kids. Kind of the opposite, really; a lot of single gentlemen who date single moms very very much hope that they want to have more kids. I am an especial disappointment in that arena. So if these women just want to have another kid, it shouldn't be that hard for them to find a consensual and supportive partner to do it with.

[East Coast Hustle]

You know more brain science than I do. Do you think people are hard-wired for drama or is it more a product of our culture?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You know more brain science than I do. Do you think people are hard-wired for drama or is it more a product of our culture?

I think it's a combination. We are hard-wired to be interested in drama, and that's really just good self-preservation; if shit is going down it's in your best interest to know about it. In addition, our intelligence is derived largely from our brains developing specifically to keep track of our very complex social connections and cues.

However, I think that our consumer-driven culture has taken our natural inclination toward intrigue and elevated it to a fever pitch; we are living in a state of perpetual hyperalert for drama. Our natural inclination makes us easy to market to; all you have to do to get people's attention is embed drama in your message, which is why we live in a society of perpetual scandal.

Keep the monkeys screeching, and they'll buy everything you have to sell. It might not even occur to them that they could try  to leave the cage.

[Junkenstein]

Yeah the dudes always seem to pull the "NOT MY BEHBEH" and/or the "NOT FAIR I HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT" bullshit a lot, and I'm like .

The thing that's really confusing to me, though, is that speaking as a single lady, it has never been hard for me to find a guy who wants to have kids. Kind of the opposite, really; a lot of single gentlemen who date single moms very very much hope that they want to have more kids. I am an especial disappointment in that arena. So if these women just want to have another kid, it shouldn't be that hard for them to find a consensual and supportive partner to do it with.

I have speculations in this area.

Firstly, those guys, the idiot "not mah kid" ones, should be skinned. I've met far too many to have anything but utter apathy whenever someone complains about their child support payments finally catching up to them. It's actually unreal that a large chunk of the population feel aggrieved that they have to take any kind of responsibility for their children.

Why is this? My observations get me to "emotional idiots". The kind of people who have the best ever relationship.... for a month. Then 3 months of drama and make up sex. What is amazing is the age range of people I've seen this cover. 18-60. Multiple anecdotal examples of each age range. I can't say religious reasons are a factor, or even lack of education. Invariably most have multiple children. It just seems that massive amount of people have somehow worked out Children=happiness without factoring in actually being involved or responsible for said child.

I've seen a couple of bits about the number of children in the UK currently being raised by Grandparents/in the Grandparents house. There were fairly significant figures and probably likely to rise over future years. I wonder what kind of impact that's likely to have on 4th/5th generation kids.

[Golden Applesauce]

Yeah the dudes always seem to pull the "NOT MY BEHBEH" and/or the "NOT FAIR I HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT" bullshit a lot, and I'm like .

The thing that's really confusing to me, though, is that speaking as a single lady, it has never been hard for me to find a guy who wants to have kids. Kind of the opposite, really; a lot of single gentlemen who date single moms very very much hope that they want to have more kids. I am an especial disappointment in that arena. So if these women just want to have another kid, it shouldn't be that hard for them to find a consensual and supportive partner to do it with.

I have speculations in this area.

Firstly, those guys, the idiot "not mah kid" ones, should be skinned. I've met far too many to have anything but utter apathy whenever someone complains about their child support payments finally catching up to them. It's actually unreal that a large chunk of the population feel aggrieved that they have to take any kind of responsibility for their children.

I went to an all-male Catholic highschool, so this may not be a representative experience, but in our "sex-ed" we had to do an exercise where we budgeted our life as if we were paying child support. I think that was the only thing we did that wasn't about STDs or how abortions are bad for women. In other words, don't have sex because you might get herpes or have to pay child support.

I think that particular exercise might not have been as successful as the visiting teachers hoped; most of the guys were from fairly well-off families (at least 1 or 2 sons of Congress people), and probably were calculating how many mistresses they could keep before they'd feel it.

Why is this? My observations get me to "emotional idiots". The kind of people who have the best ever relationship.... for a month. Then 3 months of drama and make up sex. What is amazing is the age range of people I've seen this cover. 18-60. Multiple anecdotal examples of each age range. I can't say religious reasons are a factor, or even lack of education. Invariably most have multiple children. It just seems that massive amount of people have somehow worked out Children=happiness without factoring in actually being involved or responsible for said child.

I've seen a couple of bits about the number of children in the UK currently being raised by Grandparents/in the Grandparents house. There were fairly significant figures and probably likely to rise over future years. I wonder what kind of impact that's likely to have on 4th/5th generation kids.

I suspect that's on the rise in the US, too. I don't think it's a bad thing - all other things being equal, kids develop better the more aunts/uncles/grandparents they have involved in their life. (There's an evolutionary reason women don't just keel over after menopause.) Grandparents at a minimum have actual parenting experience, if not actual wisdom. If young parents and their parents agree that it's better for the kid to be raised their grandparents house, they probably have a good reason.