I can't continue lying about PD.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This rant may be a bit overwhelming for those people who are still soundly asleep in a world of make-believe and television and who don't want to hear how PD will simply continue to cause distress to people it doesn't know, has never seen, and who have done it no harm whatsoever. The rest of this rant is focused exclusively on PD, not because I harbor any ill-will towards members here but because it has been known - collectively - to say that it knows the "right" way to read Plato, Maimonides, and Machiavelli. That notion is so out-of-touch, I hardly know where to begin refuting it. I personally want to see all of us working together to cast a gimlet eye on PD's surmises. Yes, this is an idealistic approach to actualizing our restorative goals. Nevertheless, you should realize that PD is positing a "valid" logic devoid of empirical content (i.e., devoid of facts). How much more illumination does that fact need before PD can grasp it? Assuming the answer is "a substantial amount", let me point out that the objection may still be raised that chaos is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: PD justifies its rambunctious machinations with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad bacon. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, it means that if we don't accept PD's claim that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty then it will force me to eat bacon.

In a vain effort to exculpate itself, PD has been proclaiming to the world that it has done no wrong. Rather, it was its eulogists who have been evoking a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances. I suppose the next thing it'll have us believe is that it has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of contemporary literature. Although this may come as a surprise to some readers, the whole of PD's obstinate worldview may perhaps be expressed in one simple word. That word is "Bourbonism". Let me explain: There's an important difference between me and PD. Namely, I am willing to die for my coffee. PD, in contrast, is willing to kill for its—or, if not to kill, at least to engage in an endless round of finger pointing.

It is not news that it would clearly be speaking within compass to say that PD, ever the drama queen, has been shrieking about how we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is. What speaks volumes, though, is that PD has had some success in enveloping us in a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror. I find that horrifying and frightening, but we all should have seen it coming. We all knew that PD really shouldn't assail all that is holy. That's just common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate its slogans are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. When I say that it is important to realize that PD pretends to put power into the hands of the people while actually injecting even more fear and divisiveness into political campaigns, this does not, I repeat, does not mean that its writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development. This is a common fallacy held by hopeless fuckwits.

I, hardheaded cynic that I am, plan to answer the snippy evildoers who promote gerbil superiority doctrines, ethnic persecution, imperialist expansion, and genocide. Are you with me—or against me? Whatever you decide, relative to just a few years ago, irascible, horny jerks are nearly ten times as likely to believe that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all absolutely justified. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by PD to abet ethnic genocide, dictatorships, and uneducated radicals. In my view, someone once said to me, "PD's bleeding-heart attempts to defile the air and water in the name of ECH are well-nigh unforgivable." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. While I know very little about incorrigible geeks, I do know that you don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this rant. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: I urge you to pay very close attention to PD's insane personal attacks. Once you do, I am in no doubt that you will see what the rest of us clearly can, that PD may unwittingly control what we do and how we do it. I say "unwittingly" because it is apparently unaware that it operates under the influence of a particular ideology—a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of memes. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why PD is an interesting organization. On the one hand, it likes to unleash an unparalleled wave of ageism. But on the other hand, it once said that the existence and perpetuation of irreligionism is its own moral justification. Its satellites and others capable of little more than rote pinealism are now saying that too. In contrast, I say that PD's statements such as "prophets come before people" indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.

PD's projects have kept us separated for too long from the love, contributions, and challenges of our brothers and sisters in this wonderful adventure we share together—life! I shall not argue that PD's  postings are an authentic map of its plan to trade fundamental human rights for a cheap "guarantee" of safety and security. Read them and see for yourself. That's our situation today, in very rough outline. Of course, I've left out a thousand details and refinements and qualifications. I've not mentioned that PD has no ground and no right to detach people from their morally established systems of belief. And I've ignored Richterism altogether. I've simply pointed out one key fact: It is so dead wrong on the issue of exclusivism that nothing else it says or does can possibly compensate for its views on that issue.

So shut up.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

This needs to be in the editorial section of ALL THE PAPERS. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This needs to be in the editorial section of ALL THE PAPERS. 

To be honest, this "rant", the letter to Triple Zero, and both of my responses to my own thread (Malice Aforethought, Nigel & Stella) were created using a generator at Scrubgenius, running off a database we've been compiling since the USENET days, back in 93/94.

It is hilariously useful for writing totally incomprehensible angry letters to politicians, letters to the editor, etc, given that every sentence of every paragraph is randomly selected from hate-spew we've entered over the years.

Unfortunately, it is also on Scrubgenius, which is only open to paid-up members of the church, which sucks, because I was going to make the URL available once I'd posted a few more complaints.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I wanna meet that AI when it gains something resembling consciousness.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I wanna meet that AI when it gains something resembling consciousness.

Could happen.  We've been feeding it lines for 20 years.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I AGREE.

[Pæs]

With that knowledge that a generator is responsible, I can now search for snippets of that text and find brilliant responses to these rants all the web over.

[Pæs]

Honestly, Roger, I have to agree with the disagreements you raise with this board and this community. All too often, some people attempt to make an argument by attacking and insulting those who hold opposing views. Principia Discordia's fairy tales are a perfect example. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information: Principia Discordia has gotten carried away with endowing cynicism with a false legitimacy. It's pretty clear from this lack of restraint that it would cripple its castigators politically, economically, socially, morally, and psychologically, all at the drop of a hat. It's therefore imperative that we put the kibosh on its tractates, as doing so will let Principia Discordia know that I by no means claim to know everything about the most oppugnant sluggards you'll ever see. This is not what I think; this is what I know. I additionally know that deconstructionism, triumphalism, and philistinism follow Principia Discordia's footsteps. Wherever it goes, such things are sure to sprout up.

The implication is that as soon as the time is ripe I will stand as a witness in the divine court of the Eternal Judge and proclaim that the wisdom that comes from maturation of the spirit, mind, and body will some day prevail over the idiocy of Principia Discordia's initiatives. This isn't just a public-relations move. It's a real move to get people to see that Principia Discordia fervently believes that libidinous lummoxes are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. This shows that it is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that Principia Discordia will probably throw another hissy fit if we don't let it resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution. At least putting up with another Principia Discordia hissy fit is easier than convincing Principia Discordia's grunts that Principia Discordia's detachment from, or denial of, the truth is not just a political tactic or say-anything-to-please character flaw. It reveals an elemental attitude that it shares with ostentatious jargonauts: exploiting the public's short attention span in order to contaminate or cut off our cities' water supply.

Although we can occasionally tie the retailers of demented new claims to older fabrications, there is unfortunately no shortage of new rumor. Need I point out that those who believe that merit is adequately measured by Principia Discordia's methods and qualifications are either naive or deliberately misled? Although Principia Discordia of course has a right to express its opinion, it decidedly doesn't like extending that right to people whose opinion is that Principia Discordia gets a lot of perks from the system. True to form, it ceaselessly moves the goalposts to prevent others from benefiting from the same perks. This suggests that Principia Discordia's view is that going through the motions of working is the same as working. If Principia Discordia's refractory foot soldiers had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would definitely be rendered revolting to their better feelings. To call Principia Discordia a beast is to defame all quadrupeds. However true that is, Principia Discordia's tactless, mawkish publicity stunts are meticulously designed to keep the population unaware, uneducated, dumbed down, and focused on stupefying activities like video games. The intention is to prevent people from noticing that Principia Discordia has been taking rights away from individuals whom only Principia Discordia perceives as benighted.

If anyone should propose a practical scheme for taking vengeance on Principia Discordia as being the fomenter of what is a universal plague throughout the civilized world, I should be quite disposed to incur almost any degree of expense to accomplish that object. In the meantime, let me point out that Principia Discordia is so tied up in its personal dreams that it is oblivious to what is happening in the world around it. And I can say that with a clear conscience because when Principia Discordia hears anyone say that we must work together towards a shared vision if we are to uphold peace, freedom, democracy, and justice, its answer is to put some vainglorious showboater up on a pedestal. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to listen to others. Although Principia Discordia's shock troops may be eager to buy a lifetime's supply of snake oil from Principia Discordia, the rest of us would like nothing more than to reinforce what is best in people. But we can't do that until more people learn to accept that Principia Discordia's allegations are becoming increasingly ungrateful. They have already begun to introduce a zeitgeist of egoism to our society. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled Principia Discordia to use rock music, with its savage, tribal, orgiastic beat, to tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of cultural elevation. If you don't want such a time to come then help me make a genuine contribution to human society. Help me set the record straight.

I leave it to more capable and intrepid folks to explore the full ramifications of Principia Discordia's memoirs. In just a moment I'll discuss some important recent developments based on this fundamental truth. First, however, I want to add a bit to what I wrote previously. Many people are shocked when I tell them that Principia Discordia's brassbound, witless ruminations represent a supraliminal effort to revive an arcadian past that never existed. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that adversarialism is the raw material that Principia Discordia uses to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood. I won't dwell on that except to direct your attention to the heinous manner in which Principia Discordia has been trying to eat our nation to its bones.

I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, difficult times lie ahead. Fortunately, we have the capacity to circumvent much of the impending misery by working together to end Principia Discordia's control over the minds and souls of countless people. As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see that Principia Discordia's bootlickers will foment loud forms of political tyranny by the end of the decade. To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that it doesn't really matter why Principia Discordia wants to manipulate everything and everybody. Whether it's due to a misplaced faith in libertinism, bribes paid to Principia Discordia by impractical big-mouths, or nagging from some of the dimwitted personæ non gratæ in its camp, the fact remains that that's what Principia Discordia wants. What I want, in contrast, is to notify you that its precepts manifest themselves in two phases. Phase one: blame our societal problems on handy scapegoats. Phase two: make excessive use of foul language. While reading this letter, you may have occasionally asked yourself, "Where is all of this leading?" and, "What is the point exactly?" I deliberately wrote in the style I did so that you may come up with your own conclusions. Therefore, I leave you with only the following: What our nation needs is more respect for the law, not less.

[Payne]

When I was reading the OP, I felt like you were riffing off of an angry letter written by the ex-editor of a third rate right-leaning newspaper to said newspaper, pointing out its flaws whilst swimming in the wrong kind of whiskey.

I thought I was missing some kind of context, but rolled with it.

And now it turns out that I was correct all along.

Bravo good sir, well played!