Greetings from Tennessee

[Da6s]

The flood looks fun, anyway.

I don't get the logic behind a "luxury" hotel with plastic chandeliers and fake bagels, unless they were going for Dolly Parton plastic-jewelry tackiness. There needs to be a category called "kitschy-disturbing". 

Have you ever been to Tennessee? We have an entire theme park dedicated to Dolly Parton. (I think she owns it, actually.)

It's exactly as you'd expect.

Formerly silver dollar city, Parton purchased it in the 80s and it became dolly wood. She also owns the Dixie stampede, a mall, tons of development, and a handful of restaurants. She's by far the most successful person Sevierville ever spawned.

My family had/has season passes for dollywood . The memories I have of it and Gatlinburg cause nightmare flashbacks routinely.


-Da6s
Resident tennessee expat

[Da6s]

The flood looks fun, anyway.

I don't get the logic behind a "luxury" hotel with plastic chandeliers and fake bagels, unless they were going for Dolly Parton plastic-jewelry tackiness. There needs to be a category called "kitschy-disturbing". 

It's because it's a hotel and convention center masquerading as a resort. Because it's a convention center, it needs to keep the rates firmly in line with the middle-class ballpark, so it can't truly be a luxury hotel because then conventioners couldn't afford to stay there; or, at least, their companies wouldn't book there. It has to stay competitive with places like the Red Lion and the Doubletree. With that in mind, it is designed to give the middle class the impression of luxury, and most of them believe it. No one who is familiar with true luxury goods, gourmet food, or fine hotels would mistake it for any of those, but that isn't who it's marketing to. It's marketing to the American middle class; suburbanites who consider Olive Garden a nice restaurant simply because that's what's available to them in their area, that's what they know.

Opryland used to be a theme park. It went bankrupt and Gaylord (hotel company that specializes in massive occupancy convention centers -  their flag ship is off i4 across from the gates to Disney. Squid probably sees it often.) bought it up since it fit their business model. It's close to BNA but out of the way of downtown or any place worthwhile. Perfect convention center for imprisoning conference goers.

The flood fucked up the opry mills mall behind it a lot worse. There were urban legends spawned about the sharks/piranhas from the aquarium restaurant escaping and swimming the halls in the flood.

At least it has a Dave and busters with limited jesus.

[Bruno]

The flood looks fun, anyway.

I don't get the logic behind a "luxury" hotel with plastic chandeliers and fake bagels, unless they were going for Dolly Parton plastic-jewelry tackiness. There needs to be a category called "kitschy-disturbing". 

It's because it's a hotel and convention center masquerading as a resort. Because it's a convention center, it needs to keep the rates firmly in line with the middle-class ballpark, so it can't truly be a luxury hotel because then conventioners couldn't afford to stay there; or, at least, their companies wouldn't book there. It has to stay competitive with places like the Red Lion and the Doubletree. With that in mind, it is designed to give the middle class the impression of luxury, and most of them believe it. No one who is familiar with true luxury goods, gourmet food, or fine hotels would mistake it for any of those, but that isn't who it's marketing to. It's marketing to the American middle class; suburbanites who consider Olive Garden a nice restaurant simply because that's what's available to them in their area, that's what they know.

Like Da6s just mentioned, Opryland was a theme park. The hotel was probably designed with the same simulated experience mentality that you would normally expect for a theme park. Fake grizzly bears in the Grizzly River Rampage ride, fake logs on the Old Mill Scream (log flume), and fake plastic chandeliers in the Opulent Manor Resort.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I'm not sure if you're actually in Tennessee or if this is a metaphor and you found yourself at Clackamas Town Center.

It is kind of like that.

Here's a thing that I wrote as a PS on my architecture homework tonight:

Now, for a rambling side-note. I am spending the latter half of this week at a science convention in Nashville Tennessee, in an establishment near the Grand Ole Opry known as the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Center, and this building is hands-down the most peculiar structure I have ever been in. Built in 1976-77, the original structure is clearly pulled from classical styles, and appears to have been several long, narrow brick wings surrounding a central courtyard. It was expanded in 1984 and in 1988, adding two large covered atria which are planted as tropical gardens, and again in 1996, doubling its size and adding an enormous semicircular third atrium that covers 4.5 acres of garden and a 1/4 mile river that includes an island with an antebellum manor and New-Orleans-inspired shops.

In 2010, the whole thing flooded. The pictures are well-worth looking at! It was renovated after the flood, and continues to reside in a sort of gaudy, schizophrenic, labyrinthine glory that is at once tacky and breathtaking and charming, with nine acres of indoor garden (and a little bit of outdoor garden as well, if you can find it) and almost 3000 rooms. Architecturally, I don't know what to make of it, but I thought it was so interesting that you guys might want to take a look, so here's a link to some pictures:

The flooding: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/opryland-hotel-flood-phot_n_561687.html#s87446title=Opryland_Hotel_Flood

As it is today: http://www.gadling.com/photos/nashvilles-gaylord-opryland-hotel/

My goodness Nigel, I do believe you have stumbled upon the most concise and accurate description of America™ I have seen in years.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The flood looks fun, anyway.

I don't get the logic behind a "luxury" hotel with plastic chandeliers and fake bagels, unless they were going for Dolly Parton plastic-jewelry tackiness. There needs to be a category called "kitschy-disturbing". 

It's because it's a hotel and convention center masquerading as a resort. Because it's a convention center, it needs to keep the rates firmly in line with the middle-class ballpark, so it can't truly be a luxury hotel because then conventioners couldn't afford to stay there; or, at least, their companies wouldn't book there. It has to stay competitive with places like the Red Lion and the Doubletree. With that in mind, it is designed to give the middle class the impression of luxury, and most of them believe it. No one who is familiar with true luxury goods, gourmet food, or fine hotels would mistake it for any of those, but that isn't who it's marketing to. It's marketing to the American middle class; suburbanites who consider Olive Garden a nice restaurant simply because that's what's available to them in their area, that's what they know.

Like Da6s just mentioned, Opryland was a theme park. The hotel was probably designed with the same simulated experience mentality that you would normally expect for a theme park. Fake grizzly bears in the Grizzly River Rampage ride, fake logs on the Old Mill Scream (log flume), and fake plastic chandeliers in the Opulent Manor Resort.

Yeah, all that was in one of the links I posted as well.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm not sure if you're actually in Tennessee or if this is a metaphor and you found yourself at Clackamas Town Center.

It is kind of like that.

Here's a thing that I wrote as a PS on my architecture homework tonight:

Now, for a rambling side-note. I am spending the latter half of this week at a science convention in Nashville Tennessee, in an establishment near the Grand Ole Opry known as the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Center, and this building is hands-down the most peculiar structure I have ever been in. Built in 1976-77, the original structure is clearly pulled from classical styles, and appears to have been several long, narrow brick wings surrounding a central courtyard. It was expanded in 1984 and in 1988, adding two large covered atria which are planted as tropical gardens, and again in 1996, doubling its size and adding an enormous semicircular third atrium that covers 4.5 acres of garden and a 1/4 mile river that includes an island with an antebellum manor and New-Orleans-inspired shops.

In 2010, the whole thing flooded. The pictures are well-worth looking at! It was renovated after the flood, and continues to reside in a sort of gaudy, schizophrenic, labyrinthine glory that is at once tacky and breathtaking and charming, with nine acres of indoor garden (and a little bit of outdoor garden as well, if you can find it) and almost 3000 rooms. Architecturally, I don't know what to make of it, but I thought it was so interesting that you guys might want to take a look, so here's a link to some pictures:

The flooding: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/opryland-hotel-flood-phot_n_561687.html#s87446title=Opryland_Hotel_Flood

As it is today: http://www.gadling.com/photos/nashvilles-gaylord-opryland-hotel/

My goodness Nigel, I do believe you have stumbled upon the most concise and accurate description of America™ I have seen in years.

It was pretty America™. I'm glad to be home. Also glad I made it downtown for some bourbon and honkytonk before I had to leave.

[LMNO]

It's marketing to the American middle class; suburbanites who consider Olive Garden a nice restaurant simply because that's what's available to them in their area, that's what they know.

This is so true and upsetting.  I am now sad and angry.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It's marketing to the American middle class; suburbanites who consider Olive Garden a nice restaurant simply because that's what's available to them in their area, that's what they know.

Former is incorrect, IMO, latter is true.

There are plenty of restaurants everywhere, if you go looking.  Thing is, it IS what they know, and it's SAFE.  They can order pretty much anything and have no surprises.  A narrow worldview is a worldview without risk.  It's safe.  It's orderly. It's what the Free Market™ demands.

[Sita]

Olive Garden isn't a nice restaurant? Granted it's not fancy, but it seemed nice the couple times I'd been there.

What's considered a nice restaurant?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Olive Garden isn't a nice restaurant? Granted it's not fancy, but it seemed nice the couple times I'd been there.

What's considered a nice restaurant?

Depends.  For me, it's a "curry shop".  For my folks, it's Chinese takeout.

For my brother, it's one of those places that charges $20 just for the soup.

For my sister, it's that fucking Outback Steakhose.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

A 'nice restaurant' to me just means a place that serves something authentic, where the food isn't American or a clearly Americanized version of something that could have stood on its own. This means all actual American Food restaurants are shit, no matter how much they charge or how fine their china is.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

A 'nice restaurant' to me just means a place that serves something authentic, where the food isn't American or a clearly Americanized version of something that could have stood on its own. This means all actual American Food restaurants are shit, no matter how much they charge or how fine their china is.

Depends on your taste, I suppose.  SOMEONE must like Chilis, or it wouldn't be in business.

[LMNO]

For me, it's a non-franchised place that doesn't cook like a production line, and doesn't rely on pre-processed, HFCS-laden ingredients.  And has a point of view, culinarily.  This could either be a greasy spoon that makes the best hash browns in the world, or it could be a place that has a $200 pre-fixe menu.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also, I'm gonna state that NOT ALL American restaurants are shit.

For their purpose, truck stop diners are usually pretty fucking good.

[Sita]

I miss the truck stop diner my husband and I used to go to while dating (he worked overnights and it was one of the few places open when he got off work). Had the best damned food I ever tasted.
Sadly the place went out of business and a Denny's is there now