Dear Customer

[Salty]

Dear Customer,

You smell like an old IHOP.

Why?

Thanks

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Dear Customer,

You smell like an old IHOP.

Why?

Thanks

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I miss the old barf smiley. The one who was spewing forth a rocket of vomit.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Dear Customer ~

As I have mentioned before, it was over forever when you got after his car with a sledgehammer because another fortune teller told you he was cheating. As of this reading, he won't come back, as he didn't come back after the other reading, or the one before that.

However, I am not in a position to turn down income. If you would like to know if he is coming back, you have my paypal addy.

Love and light,
Stella

[Telarus]

Dear Customer,

While I appreciate the idea that you thought that combining the "1 Sundae for $1.49", and the "Buy-one Get-One Sundae" coupons from the 2 separate local newspapers was a stroke of pure genius, it does state clearly on both coupons that they cannot be combined with any other offer. I see from that fact that you did not present the coupons until after both sundaes were made that you may have even noticed this.

After loudly complaining and demanding that I speak with my manager (whom I then had to call at home), having been told "No" for the third time, throwing one sundae directly at me, then claiming the other and loudly marching out of the ice-cream parlour without paying.... it occurred to me that you were never my customer to begin with. I suppose it was just the broad daylight and my bare face hanging out that prevented me from running out and slashing your tires with the box knife.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wowwwww. Oh how I love/hate customer service!

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Dear Customer,

Bitching at me for taking a coupon my location has no obligation to honor is counter-productive to your penny-pinching. You don't get the item FREE because our location isn't participating in said promotion. That isn't how promotions work. You aren't entitled to free shit just because you're in the wrong state. I honored the coupon. You got the sale price. Dumping soda on my floor with a smirk does not move me one way or the other. It's all on camera, if my owner wants to take action, he's got your credit card information and your picture. And the floor gets mopped either way. Sooo . . . get down with your bad self.

XOXO

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Dear Customer!

Hello! So happy to serve you. Yes, I am totally a bitch for not having that item you requested. Indeed, sir, only one competitor carries that item. Thank you for inviting me to go fuck myself. No, my smile is not scary and I will not stop pointing it in your direction. Call me a bitch one more time and see what my face does then. I assure you I am enjoying this. No, really. I'm amused. I love watching grown men in fancy business suits devolve into whimpering toddlers over ridiculous things. It reinforces my worldview. Thanks for the laugh.

<3 <3 <3

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Actual exchange:

Dear Imageshack,
Uploaded 6 images, 4 actually showed up. Tried to re-upload the missing ones several times to no avail. Also, I hate your redesign, I hate your video tutorials, and I hate that I had to sign up for this. Please pass along my sincere wishes that whoever came up with this chokes on their partner's genitals and vomits. Preferably on tape.

Dear QGP,
Per your request we have deleted the following account and removed all images from our servers.

If you have any questions or need additional assistance please let me know.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actual exchange:

Dear Imageshack,
Uploaded 6 images, 4 actually showed up. Tried to re-upload the missing ones several times to no avail. Also, I hate your redesign, I hate your video tutorials, and I hate that I had to sign up for this. Please pass along my sincere wishes that whoever came up with this chokes on their partner's genitals and vomits. Preferably on tape.

Dear QGP,
Per your request we have deleted the following account and removed all images from our servers.

If you have any questions or need additional assistance please let me know.

That would probably be my response, too.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Yeah, I really can't fault them on the response at all.

And to be fair, I did ask them to pass the abuse on to the responsible parties, rather than yelling directly at the sap who reads the mail.