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GAH! FUCK! IT'S ALREADY THAT FUCKING TIME.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, November 25, 2013, 04:20:10 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

November 25, 2013, 04:20:10 PM
Fuck the annoying Goddamn Christmas music.  Fuck the congestion at the store, the fake-ass cheer on everyone's face, the snarling bastards in the parking lot.  And fuck all the vendors who send me Goddamn Christmas cards at work.  I hate you all, you ought to know that, so why are you sending me some sappy fucking card?  You know what's going to happen.  I am going to wipe my arse with it, and then I'll have an irritated arse and I'll be an even BIGGER JERK when you call on the phone.

To hell with the "holiday spirit".  I haven't got any.  I just have this blistering bag of hatred and contempt for people who put tacky shit all over their house and yard to show that they've managed to keep breathing for one more miserable, pathetic year.

And FUCK YOU, 94.9 FM!  From Thanksgiving evening until the New Year, I will not hear my generation's music.  No.  I will be listening to Goddamn Bing Crosby and that fucking ditz Dolly Parton and her saccharine Hard Rock Candy Christmas until I fucking snap and drive the jeep down the sidewalk.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

On the other hand, my generation's music sucked monkey balls.  But still.

And a GREAT BIG FUCK YOU to relatives whom I hate, and who hate me.  DON'T FUCKING CALL ME JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS.  If you feel you MUST, then don't be all shocked and butthurt when I treat you the way we always treat each other.  Ebeneezer Scrooge was a Goddamn pantywaist liberal, to my yuletide eyes.

Do your part, America.  Pimp slap a Salvation Army Santa today.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#1
November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
Christmas shit in Hobby Lobby was up in AUGUST. MOTHERFUCKING AUGUST. Christmas music started there in September this year. SEPTEMBER. I walked out and haven't walked back in. From now until . . . I think it's April, crafts stores are dead to me.

And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

LMNO

#2
November 25, 2013, 04:33:24 PM
Ok, when the DJ apologizes, that's kind of funny.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
November 25, 2013, 04:33:45 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"

He knew the risk when he took the job.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#4
November 25, 2013, 04:35:46 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 25, 2013, 04:33:45 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"

He knew the risk when he took the job.

Exactly. He should have been prepared for this. Doesn't ICP and/or Twiztid have a Christmas Album out? They could play that.  :lulz:
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#5
November 25, 2013, 04:37:14 PM
Tuscon isn't a place where Christmas should happen.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
November 25, 2013, 04:38:09 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 25, 2013, 04:37:14 PM
Tuscon isn't a place where Christmas should happen.

But it does.

Imagine, if you will, a fat alcoholic/drug abuser wearing a Santa outfit at 80F.  All day.

You can't imagine the Holiday Smell.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sita

#7
November 25, 2013, 04:43:50 PM
I'm turning into my mother regarding Christmas. I've caught myself singing Rudolph or Silver and Gold quite a few times since around Halloween. And thought WTF?! every time.
I've also been fighting an urge to watch the Christmas shows for the past two weeks.

At least I still get outraged at the fact that mid-October I could find tons of stockings, tinsel and snowmen on every isle but had to look over at the discount section to get my Halloween stuff. The DISCOUNT SECTION. No other freaking holiday gets 3 months to itself, why the hell does Santa Gift-Giving Day?
:ninja:
Laugh, even if you are screaming inside. Smile, because the world doesn't care if you feel like crying.

Junkenstein

#8
November 25, 2013, 04:57:40 PM
Dear friends,

Let us not forget the worst thing of the season. Worse than the shite passed out as festive music are the films.

You know the ones.

There's the shitty Christmas films actually about Santa and his slaves and then there's the others. The ones that are apparently festive as the clog up a few hours of schedule on the TV which you should gratefully relive these classics with your loved ones.

Here's the deal - I love my loved ones. So why the fuck are they choosing to try and give me a hate attack by watching fucking E.T? Again.

Then there's the psychological hell of gift giving customs. This purely selfless event based entirely around selfishness. The smug leer when some dickhead you've not seen for 7 years appears and gives you a wildly extravagant gift and then acts affronted because you didn't bother. Smug guy, Fuck you. I didn't bother because I hate you.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#9
November 25, 2013, 05:08:42 PM
It is the time of year when I insulate myself in the house and stop going out or talking to people! Yay!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
November 25, 2013, 05:10:02 PM
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on November 25, 2013, 05:08:42 PM
It is the time of year when I insulate myself in the house and stop going out or talking to people! Yay!

This is the time of year that I feel compelled to go shit all over everyone's holiday spirit.

This is wrong, and I know it.  But I do it anyway.  I'm a criminal.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#11
November 25, 2013, 05:51:43 PM
Let's just take a moment and think about this joyful time for the greeting card industry.

If there was ever an industry that serves no purpose, it's this one.

Want to express an emotion towards someone but can't actually be bothered to communicate anything of substance? Send a card.

A step worse than this are the insufferable fools who think you're so fucking dull that you've got nothing better to do than read out the BIG LIST OF SHIT that they've been up to.

Hey, Card sending crapsack, if I wanted to know about your life, I'd INVOLVE myself in your fucking life. These hilarious highs and deadly lows are of concern to precisely no-one beyond your fucking household. Shut up.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
November 25, 2013, 05:53:31 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 25, 2013, 05:51:43 PM
Let's just take a moment and think about this joyful time for the greeting card industry.

If there was ever an industry that serves no purpose, it's this one.

Want to express an emotion towards someone but can't actually be bothered to communicate anything of substance? Send a card.

A step worse than this are the insufferable fools who think you're so fucking dull that you've got nothing better to do than read out the BIG LIST OF SHIT that they've been up to.

Hey, Card sending crapsack, if I wanted to know about your life, I'd INVOLVE myself in your fucking life. These hilarious highs and deadly lows are of concern to precisely no-one beyond your fucking household. Shut up.

This.

Although I am guilty of sending the Christmas letter out.

But it's not like the ones I get.  No.  Not at all like the ones I get.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#13
November 25, 2013, 05:56:07 PM
I smell potential fun in the "Discordian Xmas Letter". Idea brewing.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

LMNO

#14
November 25, 2013, 06:01:46 PM
I want to be on Roger's Christmas letter list.
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