Open Bar: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

[Suu]

My sister is dragging me to an ugly sweater party in Florida when I'm down.

Not only is "sweater" and "Florida" a bad idea, but I need to make sure that I:

A: Win.
B: Embarrass the fuck out of her so I don't have to go again next year.

1.  Hit Goodwill.
2.  Look around until something harms your optic nerves.
3.  Purchase said item.
4.  VICTORY.

I also have leg warmers. And a sweater purse. None of which match. 

This sounds like a perfect opportunity for . . . SWANTS! http://westknits.com/index.php/2013/11/swants-tutorial/

THIS SHIT IS FUCKING HAPPENING. RIGHT NOW.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Plus that's a fucking stupid way to spell a word. WED NES DAY.

The fuck is that?

English people fucking with us.  300 years ago.  On purpose.

Yes.

I heard it comes from "Woden's Day" but I probably saw that someplace pagan, and therefore bullshit.

We were taught that at school when I was seven. Thursday is Thor's Day and friday has the same roots as Freya.

Vikings, all up in the English Language.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Plus that's a fucking stupid way to spell a word. WED NES DAY.

The fuck is that?

English people fucking with us.  300 years ago.  On purpose.

Yes.

I heard it comes from "Woden's Day" but I probably saw that someplace pagan, and therefore bullshit.

We were taught that at school when I was seven. Thursday is Thor's Day and friday has the same roots as Freya.

Vikings, all up in the English Language.

Frigg.

[Suu]

Plus that's a fucking stupid way to spell a word. WED NES DAY.

The fuck is that?

English people fucking with us.  300 years ago.  On purpose.

Yes.

I heard it comes from "Woden's Day" but I probably saw that someplace pagan, and therefore bullshit.

We were taught that at school when I was seven. Thursday is Thor's Day and friday has the same roots as Freya.

Vikings, all up in the English Language.

Danelaw, bitches.

What's the saying? Most languages borrow from one another; English takes other languages into dark alleys and beats them up for spare change.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have returned, victorious! From straightening out my latest getting-cut-off-from-food-stamps.

This time they said that they needed my 2013/2014 financial aid award letter, claiming they only have the 2012/2013 one on file (despite the fact that I hand-delivered them a copy in June) and also that they once again for the fourth time in a row cannot merely accept my word for it and a copy of the check as proof that my ex is paying me child support, they also need a statement from him.

In other words, if I could not prove to their satisfaction that I AM receiving child support, they would not give me money for food. Which is an interesting approach to that situation.

I am so so looking forward to being on stipend and not having to deal with this.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also yesterday one of my dear old friends sent me a series of long, distraught texts about how she is IN A PANIC about not being able to get life insurance and she has high blood pressure and could drop dead at any minute and she can get her house paid off in five years but she's afraid she doesn't have that long and her husband won't be able to make the $700/month mortgage and he and her sons will be HOMELESS AND DESTITUTE and she's just TERRIFIED and they need someone to take care of them.

Her husband has a job, one of her sons is 22 and lives with his girlfriend, and the other one is old enough to get a job. Seriously, worst case scenario he can get a housemate, it's a big house in a great area. They only owe about $40k. Besides the fact that having high blood pressure is what I call "welcome to 40" and unlikely to result in her dropping dead of a stroke at any moment.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

In other words, if I could not prove to their satisfaction that I AM receiving child support, they would not give me money for food. Which is an interesting approach to that situation.

That's kinda fucked up.  Even for a bureaucracy.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Fuck, I wish I had a $700/mo mortgage. I can't even imagine.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

In other words, if I could not prove to their satisfaction that I AM receiving child support, they would not give me money for food. Which is an interesting approach to that situation.

That's kinda fucked up.  Even for a bureaucracy.

Yep.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also yesterday one of my dear old friends sent me a series of long, distraught texts about how she is IN A PANIC about not being able to get life insurance and she has high blood pressure and could drop dead at any minute and she can get her house paid off in five years but she's afraid she doesn't have that long and her husband won't be able to make the $700/month mortgage and he and her sons will be HOMELESS AND DESTITUTE and she's just TERRIFIED and they need someone to take care of them.

Her husband has a job, one of her sons is 22 and lives with his girlfriend, and the other one is old enough to get a job. Seriously, worst case scenario he can get a housemate, it's a big house in a great area. They only owe about $40k. Besides the fact that having high blood pressure is what I call "welcome to 40" and unlikely to result in her dropping dead of a stroke at any moment.

She got a whiff of mortality.  She'll get over it.

[Cain]

Everyone does, eventually.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also yesterday one of my dear old friends sent me a series of long, distraught texts about how she is IN A PANIC about not being able to get life insurance and she has high blood pressure and could drop dead at any minute and she can get her house paid off in five years but she's afraid she doesn't have that long and her husband won't be able to make the $700/month mortgage and he and her sons will be HOMELESS AND DESTITUTE and she's just TERRIFIED and they need someone to take care of them.

Her husband has a job, one of her sons is 22 and lives with his girlfriend, and the other one is old enough to get a job. Seriously, worst case scenario he can get a housemate, it's a big house in a great area. They only owe about $40k. Besides the fact that having high blood pressure is what I call "welcome to 40" and unlikely to result in her dropping dead of a stroke at any moment.

She got a whiff of mortality.  She'll get over it.

No, she's a crisis queen. She's had six months to live for the last fifteen years.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also yesterday one of my dear old friends sent me a series of long, distraught texts about how she is IN A PANIC about not being able to get life insurance and she has high blood pressure and could drop dead at any minute and she can get her house paid off in five years but she's afraid she doesn't have that long and her husband won't be able to make the $700/month mortgage and he and her sons will be HOMELESS AND DESTITUTE and she's just TERRIFIED and they need someone to take care of them.

Her husband has a job, one of her sons is 22 and lives with his girlfriend, and the other one is old enough to get a job. Seriously, worst case scenario he can get a housemate, it's a big house in a great area. They only owe about $40k. Besides the fact that having high blood pressure is what I call "welcome to 40" and unlikely to result in her dropping dead of a stroke at any moment.

She got a whiff of mortality.  She'll get over it.

No, she's a crisis queen. She's had six months to live for the last fifteen years.

Oh, okay.  One of those. 

[LMNO]

Fuck, I wish I had a $700/mo mortgage. I can't even imagine.

This.

[Payne]

Everyone does, eventually.

You always manage to slide one in there.