A Holy Seremony.

[Slippils]

A party held in celebration for the finnish independence day, the Independence Celebration is so interesting you'll have a hard time believing it.

The whole thing is broadcasted live, with over 2 million people watching it. There's like 5 million people in Finland and I bet those statistic-cunts don't take the babies in consideration. The guests are picked by the president. This is mostly members of The Parliament©, actors and war veterans.

It starts with greeting the president. They form a line, shake hands with the president and his wife, and wonder when did they become so great they got invited.



This takes two hours.

It's so long they have to hold a break in the middle. The people not getting the break are the soldiers, who stand there stiff as a 15-year-old dick with great jawlines posture, it's worth noting that some bobbing is present during the close-up shots. But they don't need a break, not because soldiers fit the category 'human' only in a very vague sense, but because they're so honored to be there they're fucking losing their minds.

The broadcasting network filled this break with quickly reporting about Nelson Mandela's death and the weather (a man yelling how cold it's going to get like we don't know it). You know, to get the lesser things out of the way.

During this time, there's Beethoven blazing in the background. Someone figured, since this is so fucking hype as shit you've never experienced anything as hardcore, nothing but Beethoven will do. We know how good Beethoven is. It's like all of human emotion freebased into an audio track. So it sounds like Jesus or the Anti-Christ might walk up in the joint at any moment.
Pure hype.

For the whole event, there's two professional commentators letting you know what's happening at all times. I mean it pretty much has to. They announce who it is that is currently shaking hands with the chosen one, then comment on their dresses/suits.

We can see a beautiful three dimensional rose pattern dress here, I think this will be one of those dresses that we will see filmed quite often tonight. - Professional commentator #1 (actual quote)

Of course, like the yin with the yan, the object with the shadow, the hodge with the podge, the sheer amount of people watching it created a noticable counter reaction. Well, there wasn't a lot of them, but they did break windows, in a pathetic attempt to gain as much adrenalin as the chosen ones.



I'm not even going to get to the party itself. I'm not. All I'm going to tell you is, these badass motherfuckers are slow dancing like it's 1479, and some of the best wine ever is present.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It's like the Oscars, but with a Reagan's funeral type stick up the ass?

[Slippils]

It's like the Oscars, but with a Reagan's funeral type stick up the ass?

Hmm.. Don't they have people make talks for the Oscars? That's a little too assertive for the finnish taste.

Get a feel for it: http://youtu.be/kSuBfE6SOK4?t=20m9s

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Nigel was right. We white people are weird.

Also, whoever said you were Belgian was also right.

[Cain]

I think you should celebrate Finnish Independence Day by having a shot of vodka and shooting a Russian.

It's what Simo Häyhä would've wanted.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I think you should celebrate Finnish Independence Day by having a shot of vodka and shooting a Russian.

It's what Simo Häyhä would've wanted.

Isn't that the sniper dude who survived an exploding bullet to the head?

[Cain]

The one and the same.  505 confirmed kills, suspected to be at least a few hundred higher actual kills.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The one and the same.  505 confirmed kills, suspected to be at least a few hundred higher actual kills.

Those Finns got so damned unreasonable when Stalin threw parties.  Seriously.

But I grant that they are fucking serious about having a good time.