Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...

[Nephew Twiddleton]

But it's his dweam.
\

Wasn't it everyone's dream at some point to be the first firefighting astronaut president?

We usually come to realize there are impracticalities there after the age of 7 though.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I need to apply to this as a crippled midget with MS.

I bet I make "the short list".

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I need to apply to this as a crippled midget with MS.

I bet I make "the short list".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."

BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

There is no "home", as there's no practical way to launch from Mars.  Once you're there, you're stuck forever.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."

Actually I think that would increase ratings. People like shit like that.

That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

How's the food going to work.

Wait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

There is no "home", as there's no practical way to launch from Mars.  Once you're there, you're stuck forever.

Oh I know. But you know as soon as shit goes south it's going to be all about 'think of the children'.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   

How's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

Wait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Maybe he'll really go.
And get stranded up there. Forever. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   

How's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

Wait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   

How's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

Wait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.

Nothing says "affordable launch" like a few tons of lead shielding!