Notes left by roommates and landladies.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Feel free to add your own. Here's two that have happened on Monday, and tonight:



This one was left on the toilet by the landlady. It confused me greatly until I talked to one of the roommates. Apparently someone has been tying their shoes on the toilet, and the landlady meant on rather than in (English is her fourth language). Why she put feet in quotation marks and underlined it is anyone's guess.



I'm pretty sure I know which roommate wrote the note, and I suspect I know who left the egg carton with a dozen eggshells in the fridge. Whether this is the same person as toiletshoes is also anyone's guess.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I suspect this all has to do with DOUR sentencing us to Tucson.

[Eater of Clowns]

Coffee grinds in the sink again. We have a drip machine with a reusable filter so it's a really fine grind that you can't get rid of just by dumping the filter. Sometimes someone will dump them in the sink (we don't have a garbage disposal) and they'll get caught in the fine metal mesh drain protector. The little grinds jam themselves between the wires and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get them loose. The sink doesn't drain well until you do.

I grab a stack of post it notes from my desk and put one on the cabinet directly above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" it points to the right. I make seven more post it notes with arrows pointing to the right. The line terminates above the garbage. "HERE \/" the final note reads.

I haven't slept in weeks and I have no idea why. I've tried eliminating blue light right before bed, I've tried associating the bed with sleep only, I've tried a hot shower before bed, I've tried giving up booze, I've tried giving up caffeine. None of them worked so I just started them all back up again.

I need milk for my cereal. The fridge has a note on it. "MAKE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED" it reads. Sound advice. I'll close the fridge door when you put the coffee grinds in the garbage, motherfucker. When you don't sleep enough nothing tastes right. I'm not sure if my cereal is Ultra Fiber Colon Fuck or Sugar Blasted Frosty Wangs. The milk is bad for all I know. The milk is water for all I know.

I don't have time to clean the coffee maker and make a fresh pot before my double shift so I hope my shower will do the trick. I don't bother shaving. A wad of greasy black hair greets me all tangled up in the drain. I don't have time to get another post it note so I just scream out "CLEAR THE FUCKING SHOWER DRAIN" and hope he hears me. I'll write the note later. Tomorrow. Next Sunday.

Flecks of flossed out tooth gunk are plastered onto the bathroom mirror. I comb my hair through them as fast as I can.

The bus is going to be at the stop in fifteen minutes. The walk there takes five minutes. The bus is either five minutes early or five minutes late every day. I throw on my work clothes and rush to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar.

There's a note above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" and a line of similar notes lead to the garbage. I must have left the grinds in the sink again.

I'll put my coffee grinds in the garbage when you start closing the fridge door, motherfucker.

[Suu]

[Nephew Twiddleton]

 

[Suu]

It does help. I've been less than motivated lately.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I might consider it. It's always the things that I can put off until tomorrow that don't get done.

[Suu]

...Also. I clearly need to not live by myself.  Since the fish are already moved, I am home, all day, talking to myself. I'm going fucking crazy.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

...Also. I clearly need to not live by myself.  Since the fish are already moved, I am home, all day, talking to myself. I'm going fucking crazy.

I've noticed at work I talk to myself when the boss puts me in the scanning room. Usually it involves me mumbling the words "motherfucker" or "stop making that horrible noise and just grab the paper!" or, oddly enough, "now."

(I'm usually alone in the scanning room)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

When I'm at home I talk to myself a lot too, and I'm usually exactly where I am right now. Even though I have 5 housemates the person I spend the most time with here is myself.

[The Johnny]

Oh, i dont leave notes, i walk up to them and tell them things amongst the lines of "you know i need coffee in the morning.... i like coffee... ill cut the motherfucker that used the last part of my coffee without asking"

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Coffee grinds in the sink again. We have a drip machine with a reusable filter so it's a really fine grind that you can't get rid of just by dumping the filter. Sometimes someone will dump them in the sink (we don't have a garbage disposal) and they'll get caught in the fine metal mesh drain protector. The little grinds jam themselves between the wires and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get them loose. The sink doesn't drain well until you do.

I grab a stack of post it notes from my desk and put one on the cabinet directly above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" it points to the right. I make seven more post it notes with arrows pointing to the right. The line terminates above the garbage. "HERE \/" the final note reads.

I haven't slept in weeks and I have no idea why. I've tried eliminating blue light right before bed, I've tried associating the bed with sleep only, I've tried a hot shower before bed, I've tried giving up booze, I've tried giving up caffeine. None of them worked so I just started them all back up again.

I need milk for my cereal. The fridge has a note on it. "MAKE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED" it reads. Sound advice. I'll close the fridge door when you put the coffee grinds in the garbage, motherfucker. When you don't sleep enough nothing tastes right. I'm not sure if my cereal is Ultra Fiber Colon Fuck or Sugar Blasted Frosty Wangs. The milk is bad for all I know. The milk is water for all I know.

I don't have time to clean the coffee maker and make a fresh pot before my double shift so I hope my shower will do the trick. I don't bother shaving. A wad of greasy black hair greets me all tangled up in the drain. I don't have time to get another post it note so I just scream out "CLEAR THE FUCKING SHOWER DRAIN" and hope he hears me. I'll write the note later. Tomorrow. Next Sunday.

Flecks of flossed out tooth gunk are plastered onto the bathroom mirror. I comb my hair through them as fast as I can.

The bus is going to be at the stop in fifteen minutes. The walk there takes five minutes. The bus is either five minutes early or five minutes late every day. I throw on my work clothes and rush to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar.

There's a note above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" and a line of similar notes lead to the garbage. I must have left the grinds in the sink again.

I'll put my coffee grinds in the garbage when you start closing the fridge door, motherfucker.

This is brilliant.

[Eater of Clowns]

Coffee grinds in the sink again. We have a drip machine with a reusable filter so it's a really fine grind that you can't get rid of just by dumping the filter. Sometimes someone will dump them in the sink (we don't have a garbage disposal) and they'll get caught in the fine metal mesh drain protector. The little grinds jam themselves between the wires and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get them loose. The sink doesn't drain well until you do.

I grab a stack of post it notes from my desk and put one on the cabinet directly above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" it points to the right. I make seven more post it notes with arrows pointing to the right. The line terminates above the garbage. "HERE \/" the final note reads.

I haven't slept in weeks and I have no idea why. I've tried eliminating blue light right before bed, I've tried associating the bed with sleep only, I've tried a hot shower before bed, I've tried giving up booze, I've tried giving up caffeine. None of them worked so I just started them all back up again.

I need milk for my cereal. The fridge has a note on it. "MAKE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED" it reads. Sound advice. I'll close the fridge door when you put the coffee grinds in the garbage, motherfucker. When you don't sleep enough nothing tastes right. I'm not sure if my cereal is Ultra Fiber Colon Fuck or Sugar Blasted Frosty Wangs. The milk is bad for all I know. The milk is water for all I know.

I don't have time to clean the coffee maker and make a fresh pot before my double shift so I hope my shower will do the trick. I don't bother shaving. A wad of greasy black hair greets me all tangled up in the drain. I don't have time to get another post it note so I just scream out "CLEAR THE FUCKING SHOWER DRAIN" and hope he hears me. I'll write the note later. Tomorrow. Next Sunday.

Flecks of flossed out tooth gunk are plastered onto the bathroom mirror. I comb my hair through them as fast as I can.

The bus is going to be at the stop in fifteen minutes. The walk there takes five minutes. The bus is either five minutes early or five minutes late every day. I throw on my work clothes and rush to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar.

There's a note above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" and a line of similar notes lead to the garbage. I must have left the grinds in the sink again.

I'll put my coffee grinds in the garbage when you start closing the fridge door, motherfucker.

This is brilliant.

Thanks, Nigel!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I thought so too.

[The Johnny]

Coffee grinds in the sink again. We have a drip machine with a reusable filter so it's a really fine grind that you can't get rid of just by dumping the filter. Sometimes someone will dump them in the sink (we don't have a garbage disposal) and they'll get caught in the fine metal mesh drain protector. The little grinds jam themselves between the wires and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get them loose. The sink doesn't drain well until you do.

I grab a stack of post it notes from my desk and put one on the cabinet directly above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" it points to the right. I make seven more post it notes with arrows pointing to the right. The line terminates above the garbage. "HERE \/" the final note reads.

I haven't slept in weeks and I have no idea why. I've tried eliminating blue light right before bed, I've tried associating the bed with sleep only, I've tried a hot shower before bed, I've tried giving up booze, I've tried giving up caffeine. None of them worked so I just started them all back up again.

I need milk for my cereal. The fridge has a note on it. "MAKE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED" it reads. Sound advice. I'll close the fridge door when you put the coffee grinds in the garbage, motherfucker. When you don't sleep enough nothing tastes right. I'm not sure if my cereal is Ultra Fiber Colon Fuck or Sugar Blasted Frosty Wangs. The milk is bad for all I know. The milk is water for all I know.

I don't have time to clean the coffee maker and make a fresh pot before my double shift so I hope my shower will do the trick. I don't bother shaving. A wad of greasy black hair greets me all tangled up in the drain. I don't have time to get another post it note so I just scream out "CLEAR THE FUCKING SHOWER DRAIN" and hope he hears me. I'll write the note later. Tomorrow. Next Sunday.

Flecks of flossed out tooth gunk are plastered onto the bathroom mirror. I comb my hair through them as fast as I can.

The bus is going to be at the stop in fifteen minutes. The walk there takes five minutes. The bus is either five minutes early or five minutes late every day. I throw on my work clothes and rush to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar.

There's a note above the sink. "COFFEE GRINDS GO HERE -->" and a line of similar notes lead to the garbage. I must have left the grinds in the sink again.

I'll put my coffee grinds in the garbage when you start closing the fridge door, motherfucker.

With the risk of "ruining the joke" for a chance at interpretation...

This piece is nice not because of a kind of "unexpected multiple personalities ending" (which is cliche in itself) but rather because it metaphorically reveals a human basic flaw: egocentrically noting and getting angry at others flaws and quirks while ignoring one's own or pretending to not have any flaws oneself... so a typical scenario of inter-roomate conflict is in reality a mirror to a particular human behaviour, the devaluing of the other and the narcissistic ideation that one is perfect!