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Discordian concept record available

Started by Nebuchadnezzar Capon, February 24, 2014, 05:45:20 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

#15
February 26, 2014, 04:28:39 PM
Here in 1979, our cops are all Starsky & Hutch types, driving muscle cars and being all hard-edged.  In The Future™, the cops all sit and tremble while they sob into their whiskey.  "I don't get paid enough for this", they say to themselves, "Nobody does."  They try to smoke a cigarette, but their hands are shaking too much, so they give up and just stare at the TV screen, while Concrete Blond sings Joey.  And then they usually throw up.

Back in 1979, they're too busy sexing the dispatch crew.  The Horror hasn't yet had time to gel.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

#16
February 26, 2014, 04:39:18 PM
The Future? Yeah I remember it. Came and went like any other day. See the problem was they put a date on it and they said "Here." "Right here that's the spot. That's The Future." So the rest of us took the slow path to the promised land and found out the hard way it's the same goddamn thing as the past. That's how I came to find out it ain't no fucking time, it's a beast, a great big mother of a beast that sneaks up on you from the front. It'll take a swipe every now and then and leave a scar but it'll never kill. That's not what it does. It doesn't kill. It just bleeds you from a thousand wounds, scratches at you until you, the flayed man, meet oblivion.

Ain't afraid of it, though. Can't bring myself to be. It's like a child. No idea what it's doing, just doing its nature, doesn't mean you any harm.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

#17
February 26, 2014, 04:45:04 PM
The Future might not intend harm, but Nigel DOES, and when it comes right down to the nut-cutting, IS THERE ANY DIFFERENCE?  No.  Why do you think all the prophets were killed?  Because they eventually looked far enough into the future and saw the Skinsaw Queen, and when they told people about it, they just reacted.  They didn't mean to...It was a kneejerk thing.

This is why I always rip the last two months off of my calendar & desk blotter.  So I won't flip the page on the last day of November and THERE SHE IS, SMILING AND TRYING TO LOOK HARMLESS.  But I am a Holy Man™, and I am not fooled.  I know the face of DEGENERACY when I see it.  Also, the extra 3 rows of teeth kinda give it away.

I'm on fire, man, I'm on FIRE, but I can't "stop, drop, & roll" because she is in the future and she will therefore see the tapes and see that I stopped dancing for a minute.  And you know what THAT means.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

And I have become very attached to ALL of the layers of my skin, and I want to keep them.  Keep them safe, back here in the Carter presidency.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#18
February 26, 2014, 04:49:10 PM
The Future™ is warm, guys, and the water is fine, just a little higher than it used to be. Come on in! Settle in with a gluten-free beer and the cricket basket. It's not so bad, especially since the government got wise and crowdsourced surveillance.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#19
February 26, 2014, 04:54:01 PM
Quote from: Nigel on February 26, 2014, 04:49:10 PM
The Future™ is warm, guys, and the water is fine, just a little higher than it used to be. Come on in! Settle in with a gluten-free beer and the cricket basket. It's not so bad, especially since the government got wise and crowdsourced surveillance.

Everyone with a phone is a camera for the government.  Every protestor is a plant.

This is why, as gross as it sounds, we in Tucson paint patterns on our windows with blood & semen, to keep Nigel's flappers away.  They come down the street in their lace-up boots and their bobbed hair and their Betty Boop hats, with their iPods out and aimed at the foolish and the slow.

And those unfortunates are almost never seen again, and their families vanish as well.  The few that do come back have the blood on their faces and they never talk about what happened to them in those camps.  In fact, they never talk at all.  They just keep their heads down and DO THEIR JOBS. 

"LOOK, I'M DOING WHAT I'M TOLD!", they'd scream, if they ever did say anything.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#20
February 26, 2014, 05:11:04 PM
LMNO never meant to be the Hero of the Beach.  He was just sick and tired of that big bastard kicking sand in his face, trying to impress Mrs LMNO.  Then one day, he was looking at the ads on the back of a comic book, and there was this one from Eater of Clowns.  "Gamble a Stamp", it said, "I can teach you how to be a REAL man!"

So LMNO sent the ad off with $1 for shipping and handling.  2 weeks later, his packet showed up.  We don't know what was in that packet, but we do know most of what happened next.

LMNO and his wife were at the beach again, and the big guy shows up and boots sand all over LMNO.  "HAR HAR, WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?", he bellowed.

LMNO just kinda smiled, and said "I'm going to kill you."

"HAR HAR!", the big guy said, and raised one huge fist...

...At which point LMNO hauled a big-ass sword out from under the blanket and sprayed big guy's guts all over the sand.

Things changed after that.  Last time I was down to the oceanside, LMNO was kicking a great white shark out of the way, because it was attacking some children and was thus blocking their view of the sunset.  And Mrs LMNO has always loved the sunset.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#21
February 26, 2014, 05:30:18 PM
That LMNO... ever the romantic!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#22
February 26, 2014, 05:31:11 PM
Quote from: Nigel on February 26, 2014, 05:30:18 PM
That LMNO... ever the romantic!

That Mrs LMNO is a lucky gal.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#23
February 26, 2014, 05:41:45 PM
And I owe it all to EoC, for the small price of $1.00 and a stamp!


And no, I am contractionally obligated never to reveal what was in the packet.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#24
February 26, 2014, 06:08:41 PM
The FUTURETM is all about The Next Big Thing and you better not get in the way of that, mister, or you'll find yourself on the ground gazing upwards in a haze of concussed confusion and roofied into a stupor while the next Justin Bieber stands on his balcony, smiling down a you . . . before spitting into your eyeballs until there is no more spit.

You see, citizen, everyone needs something to cling to. And The FUTURETM provides that. In spades. All you have to do is pick your poison and pay. Pay for the privilege of experiencing what it is to have the life you want - super star, super model, sport celebrity - dangled in front of you. And then pay for the privilege of watching that star, that celebrity go down in a pile of flaming crazy.

The FUTURETM shows you the glitz and the glamor. And then it shows you what happens to people who attain the glitz and the glamor. You're safe, little citizen. Safe where you are. It's nice here, really. Sure there is debt. Sure there is pain. But you aren't tempted and broken by power and prestige you could never handle.

Huddle in your little hole, citizen. Gaze at the burning, burning stars and know you're safe. Better things, brighter lives are bad for you. They lead to ruin. They turn people, even the most beautiful people, ugly.

The FUTURETM gives you a taste of what you want and the destroys it. Over and over again. For you. Always for you.

Finish your beer and go to bed, dear citizen. Work starts bright and early.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

The Good Reverend Roger

#25
February 26, 2014, 06:27:31 PM
I CAN'T HELP IT
I WAS BORN IN A HOUSE WITH THE TELEVISION ALWAYS ON
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

minuspace

#26
May 26, 2014, 08:24:16 PM
THE FUTURE AIN'T SOMETHING YOU KNOW
AND THEY WON'T TELL YOU, SO.

IT WILL NOT BE RECORDED
OR EVEN REPORTED.
IT WILL NEVER BE LATE
MAKE NO MISTAKE.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT THERE
NOTHING NEW, IF YOU SO CARE

WHY DON'T YOU SEEM TO SEE
THE FUTURE'S INVISIBILITY
TAKES YOU BY THE HAND
DRAWING WATER FROM SAND

CASTLES IN YOUR MIND WILL UPWARD GROW
YOU CAN'T MAINTAIN I DIDN'T SAY SO
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