The Courtship of Kitty Parson

[The Good Reverend Roger]

We watched from a van down the street, as Marius paced in front of Kitty's house wearing a mini skirt and a button-down shirt tied around his midriff.

"This isn't going to work for shit", Kitty said, "He's got a beard like he was in ZZ Top."

"That won't matter", I responded, "Just wait and see".

"This is so awful that I'm having nightmares about it."

A crazy Scotsman chasing her, wearing nothing but a sporran made from the tanned & cured face of Maggie Thatcher.  The Scotsman was grunting unintelligbly, and Maggie Thatcher's face was saying over and over again, "Our own independent nuclear deterrent has helped to keep the peace for nearly 40 years."  Kitty ran and ran, but never actually got anywhere.  That's how nightmares are.

"Look!"

At the next intersection, a flatbed truck had pulled around the corner, and headed for Kitty's house.  As it arrived, P3nt leaped out of the passenger side of the cab and onto the flatbed.  He slashed a couple of cargo straps, and what appeared to be a bouquet of telephone poles rolled onto Kitty's lawn.  P3nt began hopping from foot to foot, saying something like "Hooo heeeee haw haw ooooooo".

And then Marius pulled a sawed-off shotgun out from under his skirt (I thought he was just glad to see me, I thought with rising hysteria), and shot P3nt in the junk with 4 Oz of rock salt.  P3nt flew off the back of the flatbed, as Marius took off running like a bat out of hell.

"Now watch", I said, "Just watch".

After a short time, P3nt stood up.  Poor Maggie had seen better days.  I mean, even as a codpiece for an insane Scotsman.  P3nt looked down the street...Then he walked over and pissed on the telephone poles.  And then started jogging down the street after Marius.  Success.

"It's all over now", I told Kitty, "He's transferred his affections, Scotsman-style, to the latest thing which meets his definition of 'hot'."

I was right about the second part, but wrong about the first part.  Horribly, horribly wrong.

To be continued.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This is great.

[Eater of Clowns]

Perfect.   

[P3nT4gR4m]

Shotgun is definitely more attractive than taser 

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[Junkenstein]

Night salvaged   

P3nt's dialogue kinda writes itself.

I re-read this and can't help but use Garth Ennis "Crossed" voice for p3nt. Don't google that unless you're familiar and OK with Ennis. Crossed is a little extreme to say the least.

I'm a big fan of Ennis, but not of Crossed.  It's too gratuitous for me.

The web comic run by Simon Surpier(?) is actually quite good. Lot more focus on the people and story rather than rape/murder/horror. That still happens but it's much more nicely handled. Plot is actually quite well thought out too which makes it rather different from most other Crossed offerings.

Also,  Maggie Thatcher codpiece. That's an image that'll haunt you.

[Doktor Howl]

How did I never get back to this?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

How did I never get back to this?

I don't know, but it's still amazing.