A Mortician's Story

[Pæs]

"This the guy?"

"Yep. Door's locked, of course. Key stashed away in my office."

"Any other access to the room?"

"No, sir. Like I was telling the other guy, we've got cameras in this hall we must have been over five or six times. It was just me an' Charlie in there."

"And where's Charlie now?"

"Next room down the hall."

"Mm. I'm sorry for your loss. So you were there when it happened?"

"Yeah, right there. One minute Charlie's Charlie, y'know, and then he's not."

"How close to him were you?"

"Oh, we were pals. Work pals, y'know. Colleagues, we'd have a drink together now and then but I didn't see him on the weekends."

"I mean when it happened."

"Oh." "Close. Right there. Listen, I've got nothing to hide because I'd never hurt Charlie, so I was right there next to him and I had a scalpel, but it weren't me that cut him, I'm sure of that. And you'd be sure of that too, if you saw him."

"But I can't."

"No."

"Because of what happened to the first investigator?"

"Yeah, your guy Jones. How is he?"

"We work in different departments. Go over again what happened. One minute he was Charlie..."

"Then he stepped back, drew in a breath and looked down at his hand. Thought he must've nicked himself, which he never did, but... Then I saw the blood. Running down his right arm. Then another patch started spreading from his left shoulder, soaking through his coat, then.... then just everywhere."

"And what did you do?"

"I said 'Charlie!'"

"And then?"

"And then he came to pieces. And then I ran out of there."

"And half an hour later, Jones turns up to talk to you."

"That's right. And his partner."

"And what happened to Jones?"

"Same thing. He went in to see the guy, then his partner starts yelling. Next thing I know, doors are all locked and I'm told I can't go home until I tell the same story to at least another ten of you guys. Listen, what's going on?"

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss much of that with you. I can say that this sounds like exactly the sort of case my department specialises in. That body you've got in there is razor sharp. Sharp in ways you can't even begin to comprehend and pretty soon, Jones and Charlie are going to be sharp too."

"Sorry?"

"Don't sweat it. Just get back into your office and stay in there until someone comes in to get you." "Yeah, Gray, bring the team on in. We've got another case of Richter Mortis."

[The Good Reverend Roger]

          

[Pæs]

 

[Eater of Clowns]

 

[LMNO]

You brilliant asshole.

[Pæs]

I feel like this could be blamed on Necronomicoins, if anyone else wants to make reference to it while expanding on that.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

 
God damn it

[Richter]

 

I SHAT!

[Reginald Ret]

I feel like this could be blamed on Necronomicoins, if anyone else wants to make reference to it while expanding on that.

The writing very much yes! The pun-line, not so much. Though you could make Richter one of the Dead Old Gods.