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Did Eve & Adam have a good life before Serpent/Satan came along?

Started by Tor Hershman, March 24, 2014, 05:38:34 PM

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Junkenstein

Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"So they lived in the garden forever and everything was fine, the end".
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Junkenstein

Horseshit. When you're dealing with a god with the emotional stability of a toddler, it would have been something else sooner or later. It's not liked it mellowed out at all until personal experience of human sacrifice. And you're in BH territory if you think that's smart so there's really all kinds of issues here.

Serpent - wrong place, wrong time. Clear victim of circumstance. Even the evidence against it is circumstantial and based on hearsay. In any reasonable court that would be grounds for a mistrial at the least.

That concludes the days theology lecture. 
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Pæs

This "without the serpent" guy is a heretic. Fucking those bozos over was God's plan all along.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: All-Father Nigel on April 30, 2014, 09:36:29 PM
"So they lived in the garden forever and everything was fine, the end".

"So the two of them lived in the garden, ate until they weighed about 600 pounds each, and then - and here's the kicker - they completed their job of naming every living creature as they had been instructed.  Then God folded up the whole sideshow and called it a day."
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Pæs

Is that what happens when Kai finally counts all the bugs?

Pæs


Pæs


LMNO


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"Nice job, guys. I guess I'll work on something else now".
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Pæs on May 01, 2014, 04:20:19 AM
Is that what happens when Kai finally counts all the bugs?

Technically, it's "all living things", so bacteria and viruses, etc, have to be counted. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cramulus

Quote from: Tor Hershman on March 24, 2014, 05:38:34 PM
How would they have known?
They didn't have knowledge of good nor evil so even if they had a good life they'd never have known it, correct?

Disregard the fact it's all myth.

They probably had a good life -- in exactly the same way that a baby has a good life before it knows anything about the world. Even though the baby doesn't know it.



also,



Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on March 25, 2014, 03:10:00 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2014, 10:46:06 PM
Quote from: Pæs on March 24, 2014, 10:18:26 PM
I think the 'good' in 'good life' is different to the 'good' in 'good and evil'.

My understanding is that Adam and Eve had no concept of morality, so if you're asking whether Adam and Eve lived a moral life before the apple was eaten, the mythology says that they did and that Evil was not part of man before this act. If you're asking whether their life was 'good' and meaning 'were they content', then probably. Presumably they understood comfort before they understood Evil.

Okay, so God makes humans.  He makes them from primate stock, because apparently cats had too much attention span.  He then puts a GREAT BIG TREE in the middle of their yard, and says they can have ANYTHING THEY WANT except for apples from THAT TREE.  Which, to a monkey, is a big neon sign saying "COME FUCK WITH ME".

Meanwhile, Lucifer gets tossed out of heaven for rebelling.  He rebelled because he was told to bow before man because man was superior on account of having free will.  So he rebelled.  Without free will.

Is this starting to smell like a set up?  Anyway.

Lucifer, in the guise of a snake, gets Adam and Eve to eat one of the verboten apples.  Adam - who has free will - is talked into this by the snake, with Eve's support.  But now Eve is to blame, because in the male-centric view of the Abrahamic religions, Eve somehow is responsible for the obstensibly superior Adam's poor decision-making skills.

God pitches a fit, throws Adam & Eve out of the garden, and sets some really scary angels to guard the entrance so they can't go back.  Lucifer gets tossed back into hell, and the poor fucking snake, who was POSSESSED at the time of the incident, loses its legs forever (so long dinosaurs!) and gets to crawl around on its belly.

God is satisfied by all of this for a few generations, then drowns everyone in a big flood, and we go back to inbreeding.

THE END.

It gets better.

:cracks open Bible:

Quote from: Genesis 3:9-13But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you" He said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself." He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" The main said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent tricked me, and I ate."

God's asking a lot of information here. From humans. God. Is asking. Humans. To fill him in on information he should already know.

God's not trying to figure anything out-- he's testing the humans to see if they'll lie to him.

also,






Mesozoic Mister Nigel

The most upsetting thing about that last one is that that's not a snake, it's a legless lizard. And legless lizards are shit at climbing trees.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


JamesStrangefellow

Ignorance is bliss.

With great power comes great responsibility.

If you want to regress back to an instinctual animal, there make rituals for that! (some involve an owl in the woods)




Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: All-Father Nigel on May 01, 2014, 05:46:08 PM
The most upsetting thing about that last one is that that's not a snake, it's a legless lizard. And legless lizards are shit at climbing trees.

:lulz:
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS