I Am Free

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think the thing that irritates me you, POFP, is that your posts, to my reading, drip with a self-satisfied 'hee hee, I am an immensely interesting unique snowflake'.

Which makes this an UNLIMITED PAY ATTENTION TO POFP thread.

I've worried about this a lot, especially when speaking over the internet. I may sound as if I'm full of myself, but I guarantee you, I possess no delusion that I am interesting. In fact, recently, I've felt somewhat empty. When I'm stuck in my head for too long, my thoughts become the only thing that interest me. Until other, more interesting thoughts appear from other people, that is. But my thoughts are generally basic, or dull (even if they are complex).

I do have a seemingly subconscious urge to gain attention, but I am trying to bring that to the surface and eradicate it as well. Destruction can only happen so fast. Sometimes, my focus is just more beneficial when used on other things.

Or a young person whose brain isn't fully online yet. One of the reasons teenagers are never formally diagnosed (by responsible professionals) with personality disorders is that a huge proportion of them functionally mimic personality disorders, because crucial parts of their brain tissue hasn't finished developing.

They may be annoying and boring as fuck, but you have to cut them a little slack until their early-mid 20's.

Whatever this is, it's getting stronger. I knew someone that went through (what appears to me to be) the same thing. I'm not sure it's going as well for him, though. He's not blatant about it anymore. And I'm pretty sure he had Bipolar Disorder on top of it all. He doesn't show anything out of the ordinary that I know of, now. Either that's REALLY GOOD, or REALLY BAD.

Eh, nobody likes to hear this, but it's just part of the transition to adulthood in a fucked-up society that doesn't have a clearly-defined productive role for people between the ages of 13 and 23. It isn't an easy stage to navigate, and you're dealing with all kinds of emotional transitions and experiences that you haven't had to traverse before, but it really does get easier and less confusing over time.

The good news is that everyone else your age is just as self-conscious as you are, and as a result they are thinking about themselves just as much as you are thinking about you. The other good news is that the self-consciousness is largely due to the part of your brain which perceives social judgement having only recently come fully online, and the rest of your brain is trying to learn how to integrate that. It contributes to a sensation of being "watched" and also is responsible for a lot of teenage conversions to religion.

[Pæs]

Can I be a little uncouth for a moment here and ask how old you are?  Just to sate my own curiosity.

I've said it before, I'm 18, as of March 13th.

I missed it the first time.  If my experience is at all typical, this is pretty par for the course for 18...

See what I did there??  18?  "Par" for the "course"??

Eh? Eh?

Aw forget it...

I don't get it.

Let it go. Trust me, when you do get it'll just make you teeth grindingly angry

Does it help if I say I didn't intend it as a joke when I said it, and only "got" it myself after?  Or, does that make it worse?

I'm leaning toward worse.   

I'm generous... I'll cut you some slack for it.

I think I get it. It's some kind of sports reference, isn't it?

Yeah, it's an obscure sports term.

Although 18 isn't really par for the course, it's the number of holes. 72 is more commonly par for the course.

[hooplala]

Can I be a little uncouth for a moment here and ask how old you are?  Just to sate my own curiosity.

I've said it before, I'm 18, as of March 13th.

I missed it the first time.  If my experience is at all typical, this is pretty par for the course for 18...

See what I did there??  18?  "Par" for the "course"??

Eh? Eh?

Aw forget it...

I don't get it.

Let it go. Trust me, when you do get it'll just make you teeth grindingly angry

Does it help if I say I didn't intend it as a joke when I said it, and only "got" it myself after?  Or, does that make it worse?

I'm leaning toward worse.   

I'm generous... I'll cut you some slack for it.

I think I get it. It's some kind of sports reference, isn't it?

Yeah, it's an obscure sports term.

Although 18 isn't really par for the course, it's the number of holes. 72 is more commonly par for the course.

I SAID LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!! 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I had the same curiosity and was probably a very similar person at 18. I'm awesome now, so you have that to look forward to.

I think the thing that irritates me you, POFP, is that your posts, to my reading, drip with a self-satisfied 'hee hee, I am an immensely interesting unique snowflake'.

Which makes this an UNLIMITED PAY ATTENTION TO POFP thread.

I probably wouldn't be so hesitant to engage with you if it weren't for that reaction to 'If you think you could hurt me with insults after all that, you're sadly fucking mistaken.' and similar.

Yeah, but that's the default state of existence for a person that age. They tend to express it in different ways, whether it be to go Social Justice Warrior, Sunshine Wicca Flower Child, Emociopath, Bad Kid, or some other extreme variation of personality while they strive to figure out who they are and differentiate themselves from their family of origin, but it's pretty much universal.

You mean I was normal??? Those bastards flung me in a mental hospital. I'ma kill a motherfucker, BRB

Yeah,  it was the popular thing to do with teenagers for a while. It damaged the shit out of an entire generation, to the extent that it's illegal in some states here now. Basically, a totally normal teenager would get sent in, and would come out totally fucked up. Sometimes they were literally abducted out of their beds at night. An absolutely barbaric practice.

In fairness, I was actually hallucinating a religious persecution complex at the time they checked me in

... still... fuck those bastards, I was only 18

You may have been suffering from an actual differentiated mental illness, but like I was just saying, that kind of thing, as well as a sense of being God's Chosen or being watched constantly by a great overarching presence, or of being judged by the universe, is incredibly common in the teen years. If you did not in the end need to be medicated in order to control delusions, it's actually not out of the realm of possibility that institutionalization actually exacerbated your delusions by creating the reinforcement belief that you were crazy and that those sensations were something to be worried about, rather than simply allowing your brain time to integrate them and normalize them.

[POFP]

Eh, nobody likes to hear this, but it's just part of the transition to adulthood in a fucked-up society that doesn't have a clearly-defined productive role for people between the ages of 13 and 23. It isn't an easy stage to navigate, and you're dealing with all kinds of emotional transitions and experiences that you haven't had to traverse before, but it really does get easier and less confusing over time.

The good news is that everyone else your age is just as self-conscious as you are, and as a result they are thinking about themselves just as much as you are thinking about you. The other good news is that the self-consciousness is largely due to the part of your brain which perceives social judgement having only recently come fully online, and the rest of your brain is trying to learn how to integrate that. It contributes to a sensation of being "watched" and also is responsible for a lot of teenage conversions to religion.

I don't feel like it's confusing. I feel like things are actually more clear, and easier than before.

I've got my fingers crossed though.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I had the same curiosity and was probably a very similar person at 18. I'm awesome now, so you have that to look forward to.

I think the thing that irritates me you, POFP, is that your posts, to my reading, drip with a self-satisfied 'hee hee, I am an immensely interesting unique snowflake'.

Which makes this an UNLIMITED PAY ATTENTION TO POFP thread.

I probably wouldn't be so hesitant to engage with you if it weren't for that reaction to 'If you think you could hurt me with insults after all that, you're sadly fucking mistaken.' and similar.

Yeah, but that's the default state of existence for a person that age. They tend to express it in different ways, whether it be to go Social Justice Warrior, Sunshine Wicca Flower Child, Emociopath, Bad Kid, or some other extreme variation of personality while they strive to figure out who they are and differentiate themselves from their family of origin, but it's pretty much universal.

You mean I was normal??? Those bastards flung me in a mental hospital. I'ma kill a motherfucker, BRB

Yeah,  it was the popular thing to do with teenagers for a while. It damaged the shit out of an entire generation, to the extent that it's illegal in some states here now. Basically, a totally normal teenager would get sent in, and would come out totally fucked up. Sometimes they were literally abducted out of their beds at night. An absolutely barbaric practice.

In fairness, I was actually hallucinating a religious persecution complex at the time they checked me in

... still... fuck those bastards, I was only 18

You may have been suffering from an actual differentiated mental illness, but like I was just saying, that kind of thing, as well as a sense of being God's Chosen or being watched constantly by a great overarching presence, or of being judged by the universe, is incredibly common in the teen years. If you did not in the end need to be medicated in order to control delusions, it's actually not out of the realm of possibility that institutionalization actually exacerbated your delusions by creating the reinforcement belief that you were crazy and that those sensations were something to be worried about, rather than simply allowing your brain time to integrate them and normalize them.

Whilst I'm convinced that being locked up was the best thing for me at the time (I had no grip on reality whatsoever) I'm equally convinced that the - lets try every chemical compound known to man and see if one cures him - regime, did as much harm as good. Was a long time ago. Clinical psychiatry wasn't the finely honed precision science it is nowadays.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Eh, nobody likes to hear this, but it's just part of the transition to adulthood in a fucked-up society that doesn't have a clearly-defined productive role for people between the ages of 13 and 23. It isn't an easy stage to navigate, and you're dealing with all kinds of emotional transitions and experiences that you haven't had to traverse before, but it really does get easier and less confusing over time.

The good news is that everyone else your age is just as self-conscious as you are, and as a result they are thinking about themselves just as much as you are thinking about you. The other good news is that the self-consciousness is largely due to the part of your brain which perceives social judgement having only recently come fully online, and the rest of your brain is trying to learn how to integrate that. It contributes to a sensation of being "watched" and also is responsible for a lot of teenage conversions to religion.

I don't feel like it's confusing. I feel like things are actually more clear, and easier than before.

I've got my fingers crossed though.

Well, you sound pretty confused from your posts... or maybe adrift would be a better term.

[Pæs]

Now listen, champ. This is a confusing time in your life. Your head's going to be a mess of hormones, you're not going to know which way is up.

Maybe you're starting to notice girls and be noticed by them.

You'll be going through a series of disconcerting or even alarming changes.

I just want to let you know that we're here for you. We're here and we want to make sure you're aware that we know you're going to be facing a lot of temptations over the next few years.

Most importantly, you're going to start coming into contact with 'STACHE a lot more. GOTTA GET MORE 'STACHE.

You may find yourself wanting some 'STACHE of your own. GOTTA.

This is totally normal, buddy. GET.

Totally normal and something we're always going to be happy to talk to you about. MORE.

'STACHE. MOR'STACHE.

GOTTA.

[LMNO]

At the risk of jinxing it, I'm starting to dig PoFP, now that I've got some more context.

[Pæs]

At the risk of jinxing it, I'm starting to dig PoFP, now that I've got some more context.

Yep. Hear that POFP? You're accepted now.

[Pæs]

That means we're going to stop challenging you. You can just settle in and occasionally post pics of cats.

[hooplala]

GOOBLE GOBBLE!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Can I be a little uncouth for a moment here and ask how old you are?  Just to sate my own curiosity.

I've said it before, I'm 18, as of March 13th.

Oh, well, shit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Now listen, champ. This is a confusing time in your life. Your head's going to be a mess of hormones, you're not going to know which way is up.

Maybe you're starting to notice girls and be noticed by them.

You'll be going through a series of disconcerting or even alarming changes.

I just want to let you know that we're here for you. We're here and we want to make sure you're aware that we know you're going to be facing a lot of temptations over the next few years.

Most importantly, you're going to start coming into contact with 'STACHE a lot more. GOTTA GET MORE 'STACHE.

You may find yourself wanting some 'STACHE of your own. GOTTA.

This is totally normal, buddy. GET.

Totally normal and something we're always going to be happy to talk to you about. MORE.

'STACHE. MOR'STACHE.

GOTTA.

AND WE GET THE STAINS OUT.

WITH CAIN.

CAIN GETS THE STAINS OUT.

OUT DAMNED SPOT

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If it quacks like a sociopath, but also ponders its own sociopathy, it's probably just an asshole.

Or a young person whose brain isn't fully online yet. One of the reasons teenagers are never formally diagnosed (by responsible professionals) with personality disorders is that a huge proportion of them functionally mimic personality disorders, because crucial parts of their brain tissue hasn't finished developing.

They may be annoying and boring as fuck, but you have to cut them a little slack until their early-mid 20's.

Hells bells.  This business of age is all news to me.

At 18, I was a bigger basket case than this guy.  Of course, I was having my head fucked by experts.