Adventures in Slack, chapter thirtyleven

[LMNO]

I managed to be in the office for eight hours, and didn't actually do anything.

Except meet my wife for lunch and drink margaritas.

I got paid for that.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I managed to be in the office for eight hours, and didn't actually do anything.

Except meet my wife for lunch and drink margaritas.

I got paid for that.

Welcome home, LMNO.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I need to get a tablet or e-reader to maximize my Slackability through reading, I think.

[Junkenstein]

Learn from your horrible elders. Let me bestow some wisdom.

A binder is an ESSENTIAL piece of office equipment. Documents of ANY SIZE must be printed and bound regularly. Create reasons. Print all the things. Everything. Reading on screens hurts your eyes. Easier to make notes on paper. Endless reasons. Now you've got carte blanche to print any news article, web page, copy and paste forum threads, books, etc, etc. and read these things at work.

If you're particularly cautious or cunning, print something actually work related and shove it at the front and back. Few things signal "I'm busy" than waving a thick bound document with tabs sticking out of it.

Is where you work for accredited to any kind of standards? How much do you know about them? Become very interested in helping maintain them. This is excellent work most times to get into. It's ALWAYS a mess and the last person dealing with it NEVER gives any fucks. There are frequently very simple and quick ways to fix these things, invariably involving the bin and starting again. Never take the sucker path of actually fixing a shitheap. Create a new heap that appears much less shitty. As long as you can maintain and work with it until you bail it's all good. Don't worry about leaving a mess behind you here as it's practically professional politeness to leave it in at least as much of a mess as you found it all.

These things are also good for training courses(read:fucking about elsewhere and being paid. Most courses in these realms are a joke and often no test or the like is given. You turn up=you pass.) and days on end of "they've updated X system so now I have to read and review all THESE THINGS(wave document) to keep us compliant and it needs to be done by (arbitrary date). Bastards, no wonder Steve quit".

Now. You want to go BALLS OUT and be a real company man? Find a new accreditation for the company and get a shiny logo for them. Now you've got a whole new set of toys, tricks and shit to complain about. This is the wonderful bullshit world of ISO 9001 and the like. The most difficult thing in all of this is keeping a straight face.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I just throw people out of my office and act all shouty.

This leaves me the rest of the year to fuck off on the internet before someone tries to involve me in shit again.

[LMNO]

I'm lucky in that the default PD screen looks remarkably like one of the screens we use at work.

Plus, I politic'd my way into getting a corner cube so no one can see my screen.

High School rules apply: So long as I'm showing results, it doesn't matter what I do with my time.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'm lucky in that the default PD screen looks remarkably like one of the screens we use at work.

Plus, I politic'd my way into getting a corner cube so no one can see my screen.

High School rules apply: So long as I'm showing results, it doesn't matter what I do with my time.

This is why I work with computers. What I do is pretty straightforward and, as time passes and tech develops, increasingly easy. It also appears like magic to people who don't understand it.

The upshot - nobody has even the vaguest conception of what I do or how long it takes, with one exception - me. An honest mug might say "half an hour max" but then they'd be expected to do stuff that isn't fuck around on the internet for the rest of the working week.

Every now and again I'll throw them a curveball, shake my head and say "This might take a while" then I spend half an hour on it, hit youtube for another couple, then bound into the bosses office three days ahead of schedule and proceed to blow his tits clean off.

I'm sure gainful employment could also be fulfilling in some deep personal-growth sense but it'd be nowhere near as much fun 

[Junkenstein]

I'm lucky in that the default PD screen looks remarkably like one of the screens we use at work.

Plus, I politic'd my way into getting a corner cube so no one can see my screen.

High School rules apply: So long as I'm showing results, it doesn't matter what I do with my time.

This is why I work with computers. What I do is pretty straightforward and, as time passes and tech develops, increasingly easy. It also appears like magic to people who don't understand it.

The upshot - nobody has even the vaguest conception of what I do or how long it takes, with one exception - me. An honest mug might say "half an hour max" but then they'd be expected to do stuff that isn't fuck around on the internet for the rest of the working week.

Every now and again I'll throw them a curveball, shake my head and say "This might take a while" then I spend half an hour on it, hit youtube for another couple, then bound into the bosses office three days ahead of schedule and proceed to blow his tits clean off.

I'm sure gainful employment could also be fulfilling in some deep personal-growth sense but it'd be nowhere near as much fun 

That bolded part, that's some high quality slacking. That's the kind of slacking that lets you push for a pay rise every few months and you've delivered enough to justify it. Never let your slacking stop you from asking for more money. Refusal can happen, this just means turn your attentions to finding alternative more pliant employers.

Again, the hardest part in all of this is keeping a straight face.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Fuck yeah, man. I've given up whole weekends of my life for this company which is what I call it when I finish something friday lunchtime but don't roll it out til monday morning 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm lucky in that the default PD screen looks remarkably like one of the screens we use at work.

Plus, I politic'd my way into getting a corner cube so no one can see my screen.

High School rules apply: So long as I'm showing results, it doesn't matter what I do with my time.

The rules here are different.  So long as I look busy, it doesn't matter what I do with my time.

The libertariantards talk about how much more efficient corporations are over government, and I laugh and laugh and laugh.