Official Edict and Decree

[Cramulus]

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT PISSING IS NOW CONSIDERED A FORM OF DANCE

[Doktor Howl]

I AM HERE FOR THIS!

[Cramulus]

ACCORDINGLY, THE PROM KING AND QUEEN WILL NOW BE EQUIPPED WITH PROTECTIVE EYE WEAR SO AS TO PREVENT FURTHER FREESTYLE "MISHAPS"

[Cramulus]

ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION
ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION THE LYRICS OF THE SAFETY DANCE HAVE BEEN UPDATED

THE WORD "DANCE" IS HEREBY REPLACED WITH "PISS" THROUGHOUT THE SONG

[Doktor Howl]

The Dancing Queen just got MORE fabulous!

[The Wizard Joseph]

 

CONTAIN YOURSELVES CITIZENS!! THE NEW DECREE IS FOR OUR OWN GOOD! SPLASHGUARDS AND RAINCOATS WILL BE PROVIDED TO THE PUBLIC ON AN AS NEEDED BASIS! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!! ALL REDEFINITION PROTOCOLS ARE IN PLACE AND THE SAFETY OF THE PUBLIC IS OUR TOP PRIORITY! IN THE MEANTIME IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE SQUEAMISH AVOID ALL NIGHT CLUBS, BALLROOMS, AND YES EVEN SOME PARTICULARLY JOYOUS CHURCH SERVICES! PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF STOMP, TAP, BALLET, AND ESPECIALLY "RIVER" DANCING WITHOUT A PERMIT HAS IN THIS TIME OF TRANSITION BEEN STRICTLY PROHIBITED!! THE CRAMULAN FORCES AT WORK IN OUR SOCIETY POSE NO DANGER AS LONG AS WE DON'T PANIC, AS HAPPENED AT THE DISCOTEQ INCIDENT!

[Zenpatista]

Shake, shake shake indeed! Perhaps KC stands for King Cramulus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgZOYt5kH9Q

[Suu]

FUCK YOU BALTIMORE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rsEs4HWXeY

[Cramulus]

I'm gonna pick a state, at random


OHIO


hold onto your asses for my next kickass edict.


DANCING IS NOW ILLEGAL IN OHIO

THEREFORE,

PISSING IS NOW ILLEGAL IN OHIO


I am granting all Ohiogans a 5 minute window to dance/piss now, or hold it in FOREVER

Piss Station in Indiana will remain open, but you will need to show a state ID, to my grandma

[The Wizard Joseph]

 

It is now into day three of the Ohio crisis and things are looking grim. The governor of Ohio and countless more have chosen to let their bladders explode in protest of what some are brazenly mischaracterizing as a draconian and mercurial decree issued by the Cramulus himself rather than pissing when and if they are told to.

Others have taken to pissing unlawfully and a very dangerous protection cartel has begun to charge exorbitantly for people to have access to secretive dens of iniquity where they piss recklessly and in direct violation of the law. This cartel has gained unconscionable amounts of wealth and influence in only three days and shameless provocatuers have even made entirely baseless claims that the cartel's extraordinary levels of organization, sophistication, and shocking brutality point to it being in fact Cramulan in origin. These craven lies and spreading them will not be tolerated by the Cramulus Collective that is working tirelessly to uproot this sinister criminal organization. Whatever the future has in store for Ohio rest assured that it will ultimately prove to be for the greater good if we can make the sacrifices necessary to ensure proper Decree enforcement.