Passive Aggressive Douchebags

[Bu🤠ns]

So how do you folks deal with em?

Specifically this is at the workplace where I work as a consultant.  So the relationship is really more like a customer rather than coworker but this person isn't signing my contract either.

I looked it up on the net but a lot of what I see is things like using "I" statements, avoidance and remaining composed...I do all this as a matter of principle so it's not exactly helping.

[Junkenstein]

I suspect I may be able to provide HORRIBLE WISDOM.

Could you elaborate on the circumstances/events so I can tailor it?

[LMNO]

If by what you mean by "passive aggressive" is the "don't worry about me, I'll just be fine here alone in the dark, it'sfineit'sfineit'sfine" kind of thing, you can always just take them literally, and be agressive about it.

[Bu🤠ns]

It's more the negative, off-hand comments with extremely critical underlying assumptions. I'm just playing dumb and overlooking them but they seem to be increasing--which is why I felt the need to make the thread.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I find being an active-aggressive douchebag trumps it, like rock-paper-scissors. Luckily for me I was born an aggressive douchebag so I do it automatically.

Try yelling "Quit being a whiny passive aggressive fuckhead. If you want a fight lets fucking do it!" at them. See if it helps 

[LMNO]

It's more the negative, off-hand comments with extremely critical underlying assumptions. I'm just playing dumb and overlooking them but they seem to be increasing--which is why I felt the need to make the thread.

If you feel like being confrontational and stretching the timeline, every instance of an off-hand comment should be immediately be given intense focus, to the point of disrupting the process and forcing the guy to defend their position.

[Junkenstein]

My first suggestion would be to stop playing dumb. If the assumptions are in error, state said error loudly and question why they can't perceive this error. Embarrassment is a great tool for getting people to SHUT UP.

If they are increasing, it's probably because you have SHUT UP and are not refuting said nonsense with appropriate venom.

Directness tends to work rather well with these people, statements along the lines of "That's an incredibly passive-aggressive thing to say. What's the issue here?" have also worked well more me in the past. If they fail to relate it directly to the problem at hand, it's likely a personal thing. If that's the case, whip out any policies/procedures etc that you can use and start playing the Shawshank letter game. 2 letters a week citing their various woes caused. Do this Anonymously and it'll take a while to work. Stick your name on it and you'll probably end up in some kind of mediation with them (assuming standard corporate workplace). This is pretty much your chance to help let them hang themselves.   

Hope that helps.

Your approach will obviously vary by how much you actually care about keeping that job. If you don't give the slightest fuck about keeping it, you can have some real fun.

[P3nT4gR4m]

My first suggestion would be to stop playing dumb. If the assumptions are in error, state said error loudly and question why they can't perceive this error. Embarrassment is a great tool for getting people to SHUT UP.

If they are increasing, it's probably because you have SHUT UP and are not refuting said nonsense with appropriate venom.

Directness tends to work rather well with these people, statements along the lines of "That's an incredibly passive-aggressive thing to say. What's the issue here?" have also worked well more me in the past. If they fail to relate it directly to the problem at hand, it's likely a personal thing. If that's the case, whip out any policies/procedures etc that you can use and start playing the Shawshank letter game. 2 letters a week citing their various woes caused. Do this Anonymously and it'll take a while to work. Stick your name on it and you'll probably end up in some kind of mediation with them (assuming standard corporate workplace). This is pretty much your chance to help let them hang themselves.   

Hope that helps.

Your approach will obviously vary by how much you actually care about keeping that job. If you don't give the slightest fuck about keeping it, you can have some real fun.

This rule can be applied damn near universally!

[Junkenstein]

The best part is, I tend to do my best "work" once I no longer care whether I'm turning up tomorrow or not.

Apathy can be incredible business tool.

[Bu🤠ns]

It's more the negative, off-hand comments with extremely critical underlying assumptions. I'm just playing dumb and overlooking them but they seem to be increasing--which is why I felt the need to make the thread.

If you feel like being confrontational and stretching the timeline, every instance of an off-hand comment should be immediately be given intense focus, to the point of disrupting the process and forcing the guy to defend their position.

That's pretty good.  thanks

[Bu🤠ns]

My first suggestion would be to stop playing dumb. If the assumptions are in error, state said error loudly and question why they can't perceive this error. Embarrassment is a great tool for getting people to SHUT UP.

If they are increasing, it's probably because you have SHUT UP and are not refuting said nonsense with appropriate venom.

Directness tends to work rather well with these people, statements along the lines of "That's an incredibly passive-aggressive thing to say. What's the issue here?" have also worked well more me in the past. If they fail to relate it directly to the problem at hand, it's likely a personal thing. If that's the case, whip out any policies/procedures etc that you can use and start playing the Shawshank letter game. 2 letters a week citing their various woes caused. Do this Anonymously and it'll take a while to work. Stick your name on it and you'll probably end up in some kind of mediation with them (assuming standard corporate workplace). This is pretty much your chance to help let them hang themselves.   

Hope that helps.

Your approach will obviously vary by how much you actually care about keeping that job. If you don't give the slightest fuck about keeping it, you can have some real fun.

Thanks! I've definitely been feeling that more directness is in order--but it'll definitely need to be timed right.  My role is a consultant at this company as i actually work for another company that has contracted me out.  If I screw it up here, then that might cause more trouble than it's worth.  The calling it out directly might be too overt for my circumstances (although i'm putting it in my hat for other occasions).  See, i think this douchebag doesn't even realize he's doing it. I've heard him talk with other folks and his tone is pretty much the same. I think he feels a bit more free with me because i'm not REALLY an employee and so he tends to perceive that he has more power than he actually has.

The best part is, I tend to do my best "work" once I no longer care whether I'm turning up tomorrow or not.

Apathy can be incredible business tool.

being a consultant sort of affords me a similar sense of detachment.  There's a lack of a hierarchy and someone who normally would be my boss is more lateral

[P3nT4gR4m]

The best part is, I tend to do my best "work" once I no longer care whether I'm turning up tomorrow or not.

Apathy can be incredible business tool.

It's not apathy as much as eliminating crippling stressors. The - if I rock the boat I won't have a roof over my head - state is akin to being frozen in fear. Totally frozen. If you don't give a shit, however, you're more inclined to explain to the boss that his idea is fucking idiotic and you'll actually enjoy the loud, shouty process of explaining why, replete with "I'll fucking sack you" "Go ahead punk, make my day"s

And you know what - sometimes that's the only way to get your point across and then the huge fucking mistake ends up not getting made and the loud, shouty boss realises how right you were and thanks you profusely during the same sentence he uses to apologise equally profusely for threatening to shitcan you.

The alternative is you kyfms and end up having to implement a whole bunch of retarded fail that proceeds directly to failing retardedly. Guess who gets the blame?

[Bu🤠ns]

The best part is, I tend to do my best "work" once I no longer care whether I'm turning up tomorrow or not.

Apathy can be incredible business tool.

It's not apathy as much as eliminating crippling stressors. The - if I rock the boat I won't have a roof over my head - state is akin to being frozen in fear. Totally frozen. If you don't give a shit, however, you're more inclined to explain to the boss that his idea is fucking idiotic and you'll actually enjoy the loud, shouty process of explaining why, replete with "I'll fucking sack you" "Go ahead punk, make my day"s

And you know what - sometimes that's the only way to get your point across and then the huge fucking mistake ends up not getting made and the loud, shouty boss realises how right you were and thanks you profusely during the same sentence he uses to apologise equally profusely for threatening to shitcan you.

The alternative is you kyfms and end up having to implement a whole bunch of retarded fail that proceeds directly to failing retardedly. Guess who gets the blame?

This is very true...frozen is the perfect word.  It might be good to add that covering one's ass before opening up those doors is highly recommended.  My old man use to have clients literally SCREAMING at him over the phone until he got to the point where he had to illegally record his conversations just so when he had to answer to his boss he had evidence that the client was irrational.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So how do you folks deal with em?

Specifically this is at the workplace where I work as a consultant.  So the relationship is really more like a customer rather than coworker but this person isn't signing my contract either.

I looked it up on the net but a lot of what I see is things like using "I" statements, avoidance and remaining composed...I do all this as a matter of principle so it's not exactly helping.

Ask them to explain every passive-aggressive comment. They say something, and you reply with an earnest "What do you mean?" If they won't explain, repeat what they said, and say "I don't understand, can you explain what you meant by that?"

[LMNO]

So how do you folks deal with em?

Specifically this is at the workplace where I work as a consultant.  So the relationship is really more like a customer rather than coworker but this person isn't signing my contract either.

I looked it up on the net but a lot of what I see is things like using "I" statements, avoidance and remaining composed...I do all this as a matter of principle so it's not exactly helping.

Ask them to explain every passive-aggressive comment. They say something, and you reply with an earnest "What do you mean?" If they won't explain, repeat what they said, and say "I don't understand, can you explain what you meant by that?"

Yes.  Very much this.