Goodbye, my friend. :(

[notloki]

Some Generalissimo needed.  Bad idea to post in own voice for me.

I had friend named Corey.  Corey was smart, funny, energetic, built like battle tank.

When we kids Corey live at my house to escape his father.  His father crazy crack head woke him up one time choking Corey screaming that Corey is vampire.  So Corey come live at my house.

One day when we 16 we start selling green plants.  Make good money and we not used to good money so we spend like poor kids with new money.

Money like tootsie rolls.  More you have more you want.  We want more.  We cut out middle man and grew in basement.  Learn very much.  First try disaster.  Take more serious buy more stuff read more books.  Second try work but small harvest.  Harvest hard!  So much pretty crystal get cut off.  Amazing me how much good stuff I happy to smoke get left on floor for garbage.  So I collect.  Learn to make hash oil from butane.  Much fun!  Off topic.

Corey is fighter.  Sometime justified.  Many time not.  He start drink and party more.  He want more money.  One day we pulled over.  Corey only one with stash on him.  He hide under seat in front of his.  My sister seat.  They find.  Want more bribe then we have.  Sister go to jail for awhile.

I mad at Corey.  He get more dangerous.  Take on customer we never talk to before because that customer not good.  Corey steal two plants but deny.  Blame my family who help us harvest.  Get mad and punch me and take petty cash.  It not too much but still affect everyone cut.

We not see Corey again.  He try call few times.  I not answer and delete message.  Corey too dangerous and always was.  Always want to be hardcore.  Always carry gun or knife and must feel like toughest guy or will fight.

Last year Corey die.  Shoot out with police.  I feel bad.  Corey was once friend.  Could be such good guy sometime.  I wonder if I forgive him if he die like that still.  We were only good people in Corey life.  Corey other `friends' always do gangs and hard drugs.

Not sure what point is.  Corey remind me of `An hero' or what name of guy that died on camera.  He post `i told u im hardcore' then die from overdose.  That like Corey.  Very much.

Other point I guess:

Make sure you keep people around you that care about you.  At any cost.
It is easy to get lost, and there are so many roads that go bad.

Not just for Corey.  He left behind little sister and mother that also love him very much.

I hope it okay that I share this here.  I be anonymous in hope I can be candid and share.

...Or Kill Me.

Your friend,
notloki

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

[notloki]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

I appreciate this.

I just not sure if distance from Corey was good or bad.  I think good for notloki and bad for Corey. 

But what if Corey would have changed?  Distance began long time ago.  Could have changed decades of Corey life.

I think I don't forgive enough.  I cut away friends too quickly.

[hooplala]

It sounds like what happened to Corey was inevitable.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

I appreciate this.

I just not sure if distance from Corey was good or bad.  I think good for notloki and bad for Corey. 

But what if Corey would have changed?  Distance began long time ago.  Could have changed decades of Corey life.

I think I don't forgive enough.  I cut away friends too quickly.

I have recent experience with feelings like this. About two weeks ago, my ex husband died. He died from a common stomach bug, but of course that's not really why he died. He died because years of drug abuse and homelessness had taken a toll on his body too deep to repair, and when the stomach bug came along he just didn't have the physical defenses to combat it. His memorial service was today.

I left him a long time ago, and if I hadn't, the toll he might have taken on me is unknowable. But I had those thoughts as well, that perhaps if I'd been more forgiving, he could have changed, could have had a chance, could still be alive. But the reality was that I left, I chose not to forgive him and allowed him to cut himself out of my life in order to avoid being taken down with him. Because that's how these things really go, isn't it? Your family gave Corey the chance he needed to thrive, and it is ultimately not you who rejected him, but he who rejected you.