Twid writes your obituary

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

YAY!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

TUCSON, ARIZONA HOWL, Doktor Hamish

Local mad scientist, Doktor Howl, blatantly defies laws of nature and decrees of God and Man by managing to permanently leave The City. Known as the Scourge of Golfers, and Hunter of Lizards, he leaves behind numerous devices of mysterious purposes. It is suspected his method of escape involves cutting through radio interference to contact angels, or so claims local plant worker. The investigation continues so that he may be returned to his rightful place. His wife and two children remain under surveillance.

[Doktor Howl]

TUCSON, ARIZONA HOWL, Doktor Hamish

Local mad scientist, Doktor Howl, blatantly defies laws of nature and decrees of God and Man by managing to permanently leave The City. Known as the Scourge of Golfers, and Hunter of Lizards, he leaves behind numerous devices of mysterious purposes. It is suspected his method of escape involves cutting through radio interference to contact angels, or so claims local plant worker. The investigation continues so that he may be returned to his rightful place. His wife and two children remain under surveillance.

BLOODY DEATH NAO, PLS.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

TUCSON, ARIZONA HOWL, Doktor Hamish

Local mad scientist, Doktor Howl, blatantly defies laws of nature and decrees of God and Man by managing to permanently leave The City. Known as the Scourge of Golfers, and Hunter of Lizards, he leaves behind numerous devices of mysterious purposes. It is suspected his method of escape involves cutting through radio interference to contact angels, or so claims local plant worker. The investigation continues so that he may be returned to his rightful place. His wife and two children remain under surveillance.

BLOODY DEATH NAO, PLS.

Hmm.... thinking one up

[Junkenstein]

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS PENNYSWORTH, Queen Gogira.

Gogira assumed her true form on November 5, 2014, when cultists finally learned her real name and were able to bring about her glorious ascension. The cocoon of her metamorphosis has been cast aside and she has begun to feed. It is reported that thousands of Bostonians have been united with the divine presence. The awaited Day of Transformation has arrived. Tremble, sons and daughters of the flesh.

I would pay money to see this film.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

TUCSON, ARIZONA HOWL, Doktor Hamish

Doktor Howl, on November 5, 2014, returned to the loving embrace and gentle sunlight of The City. During his brief escape attempt, he hijacked a train in Phoenix, and attempted to make his way to Washington DC, to whisper softly to the national politicians of the perpetual bliss that can be found here. He made it as far as St Louis before federal agents caught up with him, and gently reminded him where he belonged by massaging his internal organs with comfortably smooth metal projectiles, until all of that red fluid that got him so exuberant about the wonders of our home flowed out everywhere like a relaxing brook on a summer evening. All others who heard how wonderful Tucson is were similarly lulled to sleep. We can't have the politicians knowing what truly goes on here. They might try to ruin our utopia.

[Doktor Howl]

[Nephew Twiddleton]

[Suu]

ME PLZ.

[EK WAFFLR]

Coul I get a mysterious death, plz?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yes, and yes. Probably tomorrow though, I just got back from physics.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I lied.

NOUVELLE-VERSAILLES, REPUBLIQUE FRANCAISE, COLONIE DE GROOMBRIDGE 1618-D

[Translated into English for further research purposes]

IRON, Waffle

Waffle Iron, a 21st Century subject of the former Norwegian monarchy and went missing in 2024, was found during a scientific expedition on Groombridge Department. He would have been 42 when he went missing. The bizarre find was confirmed to be Mr. Iron through genetic analysis and tattoo reconstruction, but interestingly, aside from the fact that humans were incapable of interstellar travel at the time, carbon dating confirms that the cadaver dates to the 9th century of the Common Era. There is currently no plausible explanation as to how he went back in time and to another planet, or how he managed to survive, judging from telomeric degradation, to the age of approximately 185, or how he acquired an extra set of nipples, but he can finally be put to rest in the traditional Norse fashion of freeze drying and compaction into a perfect cube 1 centimetre each dimensional length, dyed magenta, and draped in yellow polyester. His direct descendants are expected to officiate.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Currently mulling Suu's.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE, MONROE REPUBLIC SUU, Kao

Kao Suu, an Industry Professional prior to the blackout, was executed by firing squad for sedition by the Monroe Republic. A decorated officer in the Monroe Militia, she struck fear into the hearts of the enemies both foreign and domestic, and despite having ties with the Georgia Republic, pledged her allegiance to the legitimate continuance of government in New England and Midatlantic States. Her allegiances were swayed to treason and sabotage through sentimental ties and nostalgic notions of the way things should be. It is with heavy heart that the Monroe Republic must say a bitter goodbye to such a heroine, who fell by the wayside.

[Dildo Argentino]

Tragically, I passed on in a freak dog-walking accident last Saturday...