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For my part, I've replaced optimism and believing the best of people by default with a grin and the absolute 100% certainty that if they cannot find a pig to fuck, they will buy some bacon and play oinking noises on YouTube.

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The bible

Started by Ben, December 29, 2004, 08:33:37 PM

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The bible is

The ultimate massfuck
8 (66.7%)
A common cold
2 (16.7%)
Toilet paper
2 (16.7%)

Total Members Voted: 9

Voting closed: December 29, 2004, 08:33:37 PM

Ben

I haven't read much of the bible because I'm lazy and because it's diabolical, so I've decided to pick the brains of fellow black sheep to distinguish the highlights of it, which might be useful arsenal in conversing with Christians.  What are some of the best and/or worst verses from the bible?

LMNO

If you hunt around these boards, you'll find we've covered this fairly extensively.  

I suggest PM-ing Pope Loudicre... I think he has a compiled list.




[edit: all the same, my favorite has always been Ezekiel 23:20- "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."]

Wishfarple

Also, how could you expect to argue about the Bible if you've never read it?  Picking some verses out of context and looking smug isn't generally a great debate tactic.
His Right Most Honorable Super Hella Reverend Llama Wishfart Rinpoche of the Church of Ed Gein (Deceased),
Temple of Cleveland

Ben

I've only read a little bit from genesis and revelations.  I probly should read more.  I just thought I might value the perspective of discordians on the matter, if there are any who have read a lot of it, because I see no thread specifically about the bible ever since Jehova was fired.

LMNO

Check out the "Operation Mindfuck" section, and look for jakes involving the Gideon's Bible.

Mangrove

Akoussia the Lesser is very knowledgable on bible jaking.

Join the Discordeons - make hotel literature more interesting!
What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.

Gimoz

Why read it? If you are going to debate about it, make things up as you go.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

Quote from: GimozWhy read it? If you are going to debate about it, make things up as you go.

Because it is more fun to throw their own book at them.  Most Christians have no idea what is in there.  Unless someone tells them what to think on Sunday morning, they don't look.  It is fun to see the look on their faces when you ask about them whores of whoredom passage.

The History Channel and A & E have some funny shows as well.  Well, they're funny to me, they are serious shows.  Sex in the bible, stuff like that.  There are some parts of the bible that are pretty much porn, but I have no idea where they are at.  Once in a while there will be a show about books that never made it into the bible, those are fun too.

LMNO

I have a bunch of passages compiled at home, I'll see if i can find time to post 'em.

Hoshiko

I read the bible as a child but I was thinking of getting another copy and going through it again, just for kicks.

What's the best version to get? I'm pretty sure I read the free LDS version before.
Making people sorry they asked since 1983.

                   **************************

She got the speakers in the trunk
With the bass on crunk.

the real fey aini

Picture bible.  

No, seriously!  They make one that has a lot of pictures interspersed throughout the pages, and one that's like an enormous comic book!  THAT one rules so hard.
Or kill me.

Hoshikofu is a lovely imitation.

Please note that these post are often edited by St. Hugh. (hey, I was at least nice enough to offer to buy you a barrel of tequila to drown yourself in.)

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

You can shove a ventee razor up your ass, you tall brained moron.

Annoying people since 1980

"Get up and get get get down
911 is a joke in your town"--Flava Flav

LMNO

Quote from: HoshikoI read the bible as a child but I was thinking of getting another copy and going through it again, just for kicks.

What's the best version to get? I'm pretty sure I read the free LDS version before.

I usually use this portal, 'cuz it's free, and it has 10 or so different versions, so you can get the juciest translation.

Hoshiko

About Gonorrhea and other vital matters.

I can already see that I'm going to wear out that search function.

I grew up with bible cartoons. I don't need any more religious illustrations, unless it's that Chick Tract about Cthulhu. Feel free to send that my way.
Making people sorry they asked since 1983.

                   **************************

She got the speakers in the trunk
With the bass on crunk.

Bob the Mediocre

I'd like a Cthulhu cartoon, too. Thanks.
"we are building a religion
we are making a brand
we're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
take a bite of this apple
mister corporate events
take a walk through the jungle
of cardboard shanties and tents
some people drink pepsi
some people drink coke
the wacky morning dj says democracy's a joke
he says now do you believe in the one big song
he is now accepting callers who would like to sing along"


I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING IDIOT!

Anonymous

I realize I'm new here and don't really get whether you guys are kidding about this topic or not, but since I'm a person who does read the Bible and does believe the Bible is the Truth, one of my favorite verses is at the end of the Bible.  It quotes Jesus as saying, "Surely I am coming soon."   Another one is "Be still and know that I am God."