Drunk Rich People

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT. There. I just wanted to make sure we had the appropriate tone set before I dug into anything of substance. Also I fucking hate you.

I do not give two shits what you do for a living. I am SUPERBLY unimpressed with your financially successful career as a writer of screenplays. No, this is not "a scene." This is not a thing you would write about, me, sitting here at a party with my husband. This is not even REMOTELY appropriate movie material, you fucking moron. I have LIVED movie scenes, and this is not one of them, okay? But you wouldn't know that, because you assume you know me after talking for all of five minutes and you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ME, MOTHERFUCKER. I EAT MONSTERS FOR A LIVING AND I PUNCH GHOSTS FOR FUN. I KICK GODS IN THE SHIN. YOU ARE NOTHING. My panties are not wet for you and your PDAs with your wife are gross. Fucking stop it.


No, lady, I do not "think it's sappy" that you got back together with your high school -- sorry, JUNIOR HIGH sweetheart after WHO GIVES A SHIT, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS WITH YOUR RICH PEOPLE PARTY AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND. I AM NOT HERE FOR YOU TO SLUM WITH. GO BUY YOUR OWN DAMN WEED AND SMOKE IT IN YOUR OWN DAMN APARTMENT. EW. Your husband is gross and you are gross and I hate you and do not want to be your friends. Kindly DIAF.

There is no excuse for you shitting ALL OVER other people's Saturday Night while getting your own Saturday Night on at our expense. There is no excuse for your liquor cabinet. There is no fucking excuse for the scotch you spilled on the way upstairs being more expensive than my GOD DAMNED RENT. I hate you. I hope you die and your money is seized by the feds. I hope you get cancer and the hospitals bleed you dry. Fuck you.

I do not want to hear ONE FUCKING WORD about you being the "nice" kind of rich people. I do not want to hear ONE WORD about how you "earned" it or you "aren't part of the problem." You are a perfect fucking crystallization of THE PROBLEM. You have yours and you're going to use it to make yourself happy because you just have to look out for number one and anyone could have made it if they just put their nose to the grindstone and SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP.

[Doktor Howl]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT.

Not you. Unless you are a rich asshole trying to impress me at a party.

[Doktor Howl]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT.

Not you. Unless you are a rich asshole trying to impress me at a party.

Naw.  I'm the guy dropping antabuse in the punchbowl.



I have amazingly little patience for people such as you describe.  More so since I myself have kinda backed into the middle class.  It was a combination of blind luck and shameless lying, and I think most other affluent people get that way in the same manner.  So when they talk about their "hard work" I want to slap them, and bragging about your wealth is just fucking boorish.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT.

Not you. Unless you are a rich asshole trying to impress me at a party.

Naw.  I'm the guy dropping antabuse in the punchbowl.



I have amazingly little patience for people such as you describe.  More so since I myself have kinda backed into the middle class.  It was a combination of blind luck and shameless lying, and I think most other affluent people get that way in the same manner.  So when they talk about their "hard work" I want to slap them, and bragging about your wealth is just fucking boorish.

I think it's the thing where they take a liking to you and decide you must be PRERICH and NOT LIKE THOSE PEOPLE and then try to treat you like some sort of pet so when you "make it" they can take credit. Or get some kind of weird "charity" buzz off talking to you. Or some shit. I don't know.

[Doktor Howl]

Listen to me, you bald motherfucker: YOU ARE NEITHER HIP NOR WITH IT. YOU CANNOT PULL OF THAT FACIAL HAIR AND EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT.

Not you. Unless you are a rich asshole trying to impress me at a party.

Naw.  I'm the guy dropping antabuse in the punchbowl.



I have amazingly little patience for people such as you describe.  More so since I myself have kinda backed into the middle class.  It was a combination of blind luck and shameless lying, and I think most other affluent people get that way in the same manner.  So when they talk about their "hard work" I want to slap them, and bragging about your wealth is just fucking boorish.

I think it's the thing where they take a liking to you and decide you must be PRERICH and NOT LIKE THOSE PEOPLE and then try to treat you like some sort of pet so when you "make it" they can take credit. Or get some kind of weird "charity" buzz off talking to you. Or some shit. I don't know.

At that point, I just revert to my baser nature and slap the shit out of people.  This can, of course, have adverse effects, especially if the person is bigger than me.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Party at a friend's place. Wouldn't to to assault the neighbors. Also I am disappointingly well-behaved in public.

[Doktor Howl]

Party at a friend's place. Wouldn't to to assault the neighbors. Also I am disappointingly well-behaved in public.

Well, yes, but you're a nice person and I'm not.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Party at a friend's place. Wouldn't to to assault the neighbors. Also I am disappointingly well-behaved in public.

Well, yes, but you're a nice person and I'm not.

You take that back!

[Doktor Howl]

Party at a friend's place. Wouldn't to to assault the neighbors. Also I am disappointingly well-behaved in public.

Well, yes, but you're a nice person and I'm not.

You take that back!

You are.  You just have justifiable outrage toward pricks.