So this is a thing

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Apparently the good folks at Croteam came up with a fictional philosopher, Straton of Strageira, for their game:



They've done a touch of astroturfing to make him more convincing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R4Q31e0YIc

https://stratonofstageira.wordpress.com/

I particularly like this made-up quote:

It behooves us to be cautious when particularly taken with any philosopher's claims, and to consider whether our reaction is due to the logic of his claim or due to the poetry of his words. A beautifully-phrased sentence is an accomplishment in oratory, not philosophy, and the pleasure we take from it should not be mistaken for truth.
The philosopher must be like the architect: to write well is important, but not more important than building an edifice that will not collapse. Some philosophers construct dwellings that seem pleasant to the eye, but are traps for the unwary.

He sounds like a cranky old fuck, and I want badly to believe that somehow his character is based on me. Unfortunately, it's far more likely that it's based on Strato of Lampascus, who was also a crotchety materialist.

[The Wizard Joseph]

That video was just the right amount of creepy.  The little subliminal flickers were just brilliant. I really love the fictionalization of history. It's just like how real history gets made.

Kind of got an idea for a Spartan philosopher "even more hated than old Straton" for his refusal to speak at all when he demonstrates a point. The only exception would be his only known quote. "Words are rarely truth. Many words less so." Stated on his deathbed as he stared at the ceiling above him like it was a Persian army on his lawn.

Might call him Anomos, means roughly without law or custom. Never proven wrong. All Athens hated him.

[Reginald Ret]

That video was just the right amount of creepy.  The little subliminal flickers were just brilliant. I really love the fictionalization of history. It's just like how real history gets made.

Kind of got an idea for a Spartan philosopher "even more hated than old Straton" for his refusal to speak at all when he demonstrates a point. The only exception would be his only known quote. "Words are rarely truth. Many words less so." Stated on his deathbed as he stared at the ceiling above him like it was a Persian army on his lawn.

Might call him Anomos, means roughly without law or custom. Never proven wrong. All Athens hated him.

Hah! i like that.

[The Wizard Joseph]

That video was just the right amount of creepy.  The little subliminal flickers were just brilliant. I really love the fictionalization of history. It's just like how real history gets made.

Kind of got an idea for a Spartan philosopher "even more hated than old Straton" for his refusal to speak at all when he demonstrates a point. The only exception would be his only known quote. "Words are rarely truth. Many words less so." Stated on his deathbed as he stared at the ceiling above him like it was a Persian army on his lawn.

Might call him Anomos, means roughly without law or custom. Never proven wrong. All Athens hated him.

Hah! i like that.

Glad you do. I really do too. Chewed on it a bunch today and think I've got a real character now and a few story ideas. The 'original' barstool argument. Xeno's distance paradox pwned. Some little bit of backstory. A few obnoxious habits.

Gonna call it The Acts of Anomos, the Spartan.

here's a bit not quite in final style but the gist of Zeno's paradox. I can copy it over after I edit a bit more and do a proper intro. Hope you guys like it! I'll be around but not much next couple days.

And so the two philosopers began to argue and eventually things became quite heated. As shouting turned to threats and name calling Anomos walked unhurried to the floor and stood between the two and in front of the assembly. He'd lick Hades' festering balls clean before he had to witness another shameful 'fight' from these baying Athenian bitches, who disdained his freely offered exercises and combat drills for their weak traditions like 'breakfast'.

All stood silent wondering if Anomos was simply blackout drunk again or call the watch (all of them!) drunk as he was during last harvest. They had learned not to whisper or snicker regardless. Nobody doubted his throwing arm in any condition.

Anomos turned and looked calmly at the man who had argued against the 'paradox' saying that the distance would indeed close. He was stone sober due to a wagon accident that had deprived him for the next month at least. The Spartan had never been more dangerous since being ordered to Athens to 'learn and slay none, but honor Sparta' by his honored King, the rotten bastard.

With clear eyes and oddly pleasant smile Anomos liesurely closed half the distance between them. After looking around the assembly for a moment to see if these cheese glutted sows understood what he had done he closed half again and looked about the assembly as though surprised by his success. The Spartan's smile widened and seemed to warm notably. It was clear that they had begun their vaunted 'thinking' as he noted the distance to a few tenative, testing chuckles.

Once more Anomos closed exactly half the remaining distance, now just under a pace away. His remarkable accuracy in this was noted by a Geometer who had stopped by to visit his paramour at the assembly in his surviving memoirs. The look of joyous relief on the Spartan's face set the whole assembly of Athens finally at ease enough to openly laugh.

Anomos instantly closed half the distance and planted the heel of his hand in the young philosopher's still heaving chest bones at exactly the moment he had relaxed and begun to laugh. The foolish 'wisdom lover' still had not quite registered the pain in his eyes before his body hit the floor. He then began to emit a most drawn out and unmanly series of gagged attempts to cry out before he lost consciousness.

Some in the assembly had noted the move. In the riotous and bemused din of the auditorium few could make ear for his attempts to cry out. Most that did see thought that perhaps Anomos had finally developed a proper sense of humor and they were play acting to push the Spartan's point.

But the man who had argued for the paradox saw and heard the whole affair. Saw his fellow Athenian writhe like a wounded beast or over whipped slave and seem to die. He looked and saw the purest joy on the Spartan's face that he had ever witnessed. Locked eyes with the momentarily happiest man on earth.

Anomos was humming a pleasant Laconic funeral tune.

The Spartan closed half the distance.

In traditional fashion his opponent conceded by leaving the stage.

Anomos left the still braying assembly and went for a pleasantly uncomplicated walk to find someone that might share a flagon of the local piss to him on credit.

The Spartan could not honorably leave Athens without his King's leave and yet he also could not leave to ask it of him.

Anomos smiled momentarily, partly in thin amusement at the paradox but mostly at his King's cunning humor and managed to get to where he was going without resorting to any further philosophy.