The Emperor's blockparty RPG ghetto style

[Freeky]

Hail Tzeentch, Changer of Ways.

Gork and Mork kud take 'im, any day of der week.

[Freeky]

So there's this game that has a fairly modest but fanatical following out in the gamerculture called Warhammer 40k. Set in the year 40,000, humanity lives in all corners of the galaxy and has a central government of sorts on the world of Holy Terra. That would be Earth after several apocalypses, failed petty interstellar empires, and colonization attempts. Then something like the year 30,000 or so a hyper-human perfect being stepped up from the population of Earth, unified the techno-barbarian tribes, re established a peace with the Martian colony, and ultimately began the impossible task of establishing a unified Galactic Empire of Humanity. He is known only as the Emperor in all established records of the setting and was both the best and worst thing that ever happened to humanity.

To make a long, epicly styled, and marvelous story short, The Emperor is betrayed by one of his clone-generals and the Empire nearly falls to the forces of Chaos. I do not mean nice, cutesy chaos either. Raw forces of sentient corruption and madness that hunger beyond the walls of spacetime. The kind that make you eat your family for kicks and burn whole worlds to test a new toy.

That's kind of a biased account. The forces of chaos are evil, but (assuming that the party line is true and the emperor is conscious and in control and that the Adeptus haven't simply been running a 10000 year long rehash of Weekend at Bernie's) the Emperor of Mankind is pretty evil to. He's so evil he makes the emperor from Star Wars look like a hippie by comparison.

Yeah, but part of the whole point of the setting is that it's a galaxy where everyone has to be evil. The closest we have to a non-evil faction are the Tau, and they're a) gonna get curbstomped any day now, and b) implied to have some 1984 shit going on themselves. In order of least to most evil, I'd say it goes something like this:

>Tau
>Eldar
>Imperium
>Necrons
>Tyranids
>Orks
>Chaos
>Dark Eldar

There may be a little quibbling around the middle, but I think that's roughly the order.

Switch Orks and Imperium, and you'd be about right.  And then switch Tau and Orks.  And then Nids and Chaos.  Orks aren't waging a war on anyone because reasons, they just love to fight.  They're serious about having a good time.  The Emperor is such a fuckball, he deserves to at least be third.  Nids are going to destroy all the things, and they're the ones running from something.  D'Eldar, though, you got that on the nose.  Fuck them.

[Cain]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

[President Television]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

[President Television]

Well, here's my reasoning:
>Tau do everything for the Greater Good and seem to be the least belligerent faction overall, even being willing to engage in diplomacy. They're "good" by virtue of having no plans for genocide.
>Eldar are huge dicks who exploit everyone else for the benefit of the Eldar race, but like the Tau, are ok with the survival of other races and don't really make any more trouble than they have to.
>Imperium are Catholic Space Nazis. They want to kill everyone else because the horrors of the galaxy have given them collective shell shock and they've learned millennia ago that nobody can be trusted. They're evil because they're paranoid and fearful.
>Necrons are arguably less evil than the Imperium in the new lore, but fall lower due to roughly half of them being mindless death machines. The intelligent ones mostly just want to rebuild some vestige of their long-dead empire and take back stolen artifacts. Have cooperated with Space Marines in the past.
>Tyranids have caused widespread destruction and misery for every faction except the ones that are into that sort of thing. They aren't really evil in the sense of active malice, but they've probably killed more people than all the other factions combined and their weapons tend to be unbelievably cruel.
>Orks, as noted above, are the backwater savages of WH40k. They just want to fight everyone for their own amusement, and they don't really seem to understand the concept that other races value their lives.
>Chaos is super evil. Read up on the Daemonculaba if you don't believe me.
>Dark Eldar are even worse, their entire culture revolves around rape and torture and their spaceships are literally fueled by suffering.

[Cain]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind. 

[Cain]

Well, here's my reasoning:
>Tau do everything for the Greater Good and seem to be the least belligerent faction overall, even being willing to engage in diplomacy. They're "good" by virtue of having no plans for genocide.
>Eldar are huge dicks who exploit everyone else for the benefit of the Eldar race, but like the Tau, are ok with the survival of other races and don't really make any more trouble than they have to.
>Imperium are Catholic Space Nazis. They want to kill everyone else because the horrors of the galaxy have given them collective shell shock and they've learned millennia ago that nobody can be trusted. They're evil because they're paranoid and fearful.
>Necrons are arguably less evil than the Imperium in the new lore, but fall lower due to roughly half of them being mindless death machines. The intelligent ones mostly just want to rebuild some vestige of their long-dead empire and take back stolen artifacts. Have cooperated with Space Marines in the past.
>Tyranids have caused widespread destruction and misery for every faction except the ones that are into that sort of thing. They aren't really evil in the sense of active malice, but they've probably killed more people than all the other factions combined and their weapons tend to be unbelievably cruel.
>Orks, as noted above, are the backwater savages of WH40k. They just want to fight everyone for their own amusement, and they don't really seem to understand the concept that other races value their lives.
>Chaos is super evil. Read up on the Daemonculaba if you don't believe me.
>Dark Eldar are even worse, their entire culture revolves around rape and torture and their spaceships are literally fueled by suffering.

Apparently the latest versions of WH40K have eviled up the Tau a bit, by claiming they wipe out populations who refuse to integrate into the Tau Empire and serve the Greater Good.  They're still by far the most moral faction in that Universe, but they've adapted them to be "for the greater good" extremists, Stalinist space communists essentially.

[Reginald Ret]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind.

So.... that quote was referring to the plant all this time? Huh. I completely misunderstood it all this time.
I guess the world is not as bad as i thought if all these rape, loot and plunder stories from the past are about rapeseed-oil and not about forced sex.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind.

So.... that quote was referring to the plant all this time? Huh. I completely misunderstood it all this time.
I guess the world is not as bad as i thought if all these rape, loot and plunder stories from the past are about rapeseed-oil and not about forced sex.

If you're going to be a pedantic ass, for fuck's sake at least make sure you're right first.

rape (v.)
late 14c., "seize prey; abduct, take by force," from rape (n.) and from Anglo-French raper (Old French rapir) "to seize, abduct," a legal term, probably from past participle of Latin rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" (see rapid).

Latin rapere was used for "sexually violate," but only very rarely; the usual Latin word being stuprare "to defile, ravish, violate," related to stuprum (n.), literally "disgrace." Meaning "to abduct (a woman), ravish;" also "seduce (a man)" is from early 15c. in English. Related: Raped; raping. Uncertain connection to Low German and Dutch rapen in the same sense.

rape (n.1)
early 14c., "booty, prey;" mid-14c., "forceful seizure; plundering, robbery, extortion," from Anglo-French rap, rape, and directly from Latin rapere "seize" (see rape (v.)). Meaning "act of abducting a woman or sexually violating her or both" is from early 15c., but perhaps late 13c. in Anglo-Latin.

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=rape

Also I would generally recommend against trying to pull a pedant move on Cain, in general, because it is a near guarantee that you will be wrong.

[Reginald Ret]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind.

So.... that quote was referring to the plant all this time? Huh. I completely misunderstood it all this time.
I guess the world is not as bad as i thought if all these rape, loot and plunder stories from the past are about rapeseed-oil and not about forced sex.

If you're going to be a pedantic ass, for fuck's sake at least make sure you're right first.

rape (v.)
late 14c., "seize prey; abduct, take by force," from rape (n.) and from Anglo-French raper (Old French rapir) "to seize, abduct," a legal term, probably from past participle of Latin rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" (see rapid).

Latin rapere was used for "sexually violate," but only very rarely; the usual Latin word being stuprare "to defile, ravish, violate," related to stuprum (n.), literally "disgrace." Meaning "to abduct (a woman), ravish;" also "seduce (a man)" is from early 15c. in English. Related: Raped; raping. Uncertain connection to Low German and Dutch rapen in the same sense.

rape (n.1)
early 14c., "booty, prey;" mid-14c., "forceful seizure; plundering, robbery, extortion," from Anglo-French rap, rape, and directly from Latin rapere "seize" (see rape (v.)). Meaning "act of abducting a woman or sexually violating her or both" is from early 15c., but perhaps late 13c. in Anglo-Latin.

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=rape

Also I would generally recommend against trying to pull a pedant move on Cain, in general, because it is a near guarantee that you will be wrong.

Failing when battling a master is more fun than winning when battling the ignorant.
Also, more educational. Your link taught me something, thanks! 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind.

So.... that quote was referring to the plant all this time? Huh. I completely misunderstood it all this time.
I guess the world is not as bad as i thought if all these rape, loot and plunder stories from the past are about rapeseed-oil and not about forced sex.

If you're going to be a pedantic ass, for fuck's sake at least make sure you're right first.

rape (v.)
late 14c., "seize prey; abduct, take by force," from rape (n.) and from Anglo-French raper (Old French rapir) "to seize, abduct," a legal term, probably from past participle of Latin rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" (see rapid).

Latin rapere was used for "sexually violate," but only very rarely; the usual Latin word being stuprare "to defile, ravish, violate," related to stuprum (n.), literally "disgrace." Meaning "to abduct (a woman), ravish;" also "seduce (a man)" is from early 15c. in English. Related: Raped; raping. Uncertain connection to Low German and Dutch rapen in the same sense.

rape (n.1)
early 14c., "booty, prey;" mid-14c., "forceful seizure; plundering, robbery, extortion," from Anglo-French rap, rape, and directly from Latin rapere "seize" (see rape (v.)). Meaning "act of abducting a woman or sexually violating her or both" is from early 15c., but perhaps late 13c. in Anglo-Latin.

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=rape

Also I would generally recommend against trying to pull a pedant move on Cain, in general, because it is a near guarantee that you will be wrong.

Failing when battling a master is more fun than winning when battling the ignorant.
Also, more educational. Your link taught me something, thanks! 

"Battling" and "Randomly sniping at" are two different things. Seriously, I've said it before, but if you're going to be a dick about something, at least be right.

If you're not, you risk turning into Holist, and then no one talks to you. This is a well-intentioned heads up not to fall into that habit.

[President Television]

The Ork idea of a good time does involve the sack, rape and pillage of entire systems though.  I think you could argue the Imperium for a lesser evil simply because while it is cruel and vicious it is not arbitrarily so.  They will wipe out an entire planet with orbital bombardment, but they'll do it to contain heretics, not because they thought it was fun.  I mean, Orks are the jokey, lighthearted faction in WH40K, but they're still basically massive bastards.

Hey, Orks don't rape anyone. This is entirely because they're ambulatory algae with no genitals or concept of sexuality, but they still don't rape anyone.

Sorry, should've been more clear, I meant rape in the sense of "rape, loot and plunder" ie; killing and stealing, not the other kind.

So.... that quote was referring to the plant all this time? Huh. I completely misunderstood it all this time.
I guess the world is not as bad as i thought if all these rape, loot and plunder stories from the past are about rapeseed-oil and not about forced sex.

If you're going to be a pedantic ass, for fuck's sake at least make sure you're right first.

rape (v.)
late 14c., "seize prey; abduct, take by force," from rape (n.) and from Anglo-French raper (Old French rapir) "to seize, abduct," a legal term, probably from past participle of Latin rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" (see rapid).

Latin rapere was used for "sexually violate," but only very rarely; the usual Latin word being stuprare "to defile, ravish, violate," related to stuprum (n.), literally "disgrace." Meaning "to abduct (a woman), ravish;" also "seduce (a man)" is from early 15c. in English. Related: Raped; raping. Uncertain connection to Low German and Dutch rapen in the same sense.

rape (n.1)
early 14c., "booty, prey;" mid-14c., "forceful seizure; plundering, robbery, extortion," from Anglo-French rap, rape, and directly from Latin rapere "seize" (see rape (v.)). Meaning "act of abducting a woman or sexually violating her or both" is from early 15c., but perhaps late 13c. in Anglo-Latin.

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=rape

Also I would generally recommend against trying to pull a pedant move on Cain, in general, because it is a near guarantee that you will be wrong.

I, too, was unaware of that meaning.

[Freeky]

They might rape loot and plunder, but it has to be said that treachery is built into their system of hierarchy, so that it isn't a complete bloody mess when it happens (I'm looking at you, Horus Heresy). 

And you're right, Cain.  They are MASSIVE bastards, but they're still better than, say, Space Wolves. 

"What?  There's no wolves on Fenris?  But..."  -looks at approaching Wolf Cavalry-

[Cain]

Lack of classical literature/history majors, ITT

See, this is what happens when we abandon a core approach to education that served us for the best part of 900 years.  Boris Johnson would've known exactly what I was talking about.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Yeah, common modern usage for that definition of rape might be the verb from of plunder. The common definition of rape is neatly sidestepped in 40K by means of several setting devices. Most notably the genderless biology of Orcs and the process of making someone into a space marine involves many bio-implants but for most marine chapters removal of functional genitalia in favor of two separate synthetic "progenoid" glands. These produce "geneseed" source material for the next generation of marine implants. This makes any loss or corruption of such a true blasphemy to all Imperial Marines and just a good old time for Chaos Marines.

The Dark Eldar are the only point where sexual rapine is anywhere near cannon, but actually they are worse than that. They NEED suffering and over eons have found forms literally unimaginable to us. Games Workshop tastefully leaves it there, as will I.

I DO got a story fulla orky know-whats bakin' up in my soft 'umie noggins. Bouta Ork named Dugzug.

He a slave inna Tau experiment world, but he don't know that. He da most dangerous Ork ever seen since the pinkskin 'umies took over da stars, but he don't know dat either. Dugzug izza brain boy, but da Tau don't know that. Dugzug don't know dat either, but he gonna find out real soon!