Your GRIN and You: Tips for Care and Usage

[Eater of Clowns]

Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a GRIN. Some of us find this out with a mirror, some of us through friends and family that mysteriously look away whenever you thought you were smiling, some of us through deduction following the Red Phase that results in amnesia and tears. In any case, your GRIN is a thing to be cherished.

Now, there are a few common misconceptions regarding your GRIN to be addressed:

1.  Your GRIN is happy. Maybe it is! But most likely, it isn't. When you see a chimpanzee GRIN, you should probably stay away because you are about to have your face torn off. A GRIN is different from a smile because it shows how many teeth we have, and teeth are our best natural weapons. Don't believe me? Try chewing a carrot with your hands. You'll probably find that you cannot.

2.  Your GRIN is natural. Many people think you either have a GRIN or you do not. Surely a GRIN is limited by the size of the mouth and the teeth it contains, but that is beside the point. It is what you can convey with a GRIN that is important. Think of it like a blade. A gleaming perfectly sharp set of teeth shows you what they can do, but a worn and discolored set shows you what they already have done. Both of these closely relate to misconception number 3, which is...

3.  Your GRIN is in your mouth. While it is true that the displayed portion of the GRIN is toothy, the most important aspect of it lay in your eyes. It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul, and the importance of the GRIN is to convey that you have none. They should remain fixed and staring while you bare your brightest facsimile of the thing called a smile that your stupid fucking teachers told you was a good thing.

So now that you know some mistakes all make about GRINS, what can you do to make the most of yours?

Well, the most important aspect is practice. Your GRIN is a muscle, and like any muscle it can be developed to a natural and harmful state. But muscles have limits where GRINS do not. If you overdo it using a muscle, it will strain, whereas if you overdo it using a GRIN, those around you will strain. Indeed, just as a blown muscle will never be the same again, neither will your interpersonal relationships.

Your GRIN is deceptive. While those who GRIN and other savvy masters of body language understand that it's an anxiety reflex of cornered and dangerous animals, pretty much everyone else mistakes it for a smile, which they see as weakness. These are the best sorts of people. Not only do they misunderstand your intentions, but it is generally indicative of a wider lack of true comprehension of the world around them! This is the perfect opportunity to teach them that teeth are not nice things.

Treating your GRIN is as much physical as it is psychological. It is fine to say one should encourage one's GRIN in confrontations, but that is only half the battle. Be sure to brush and floss regularly, drink plenty of water, and gnaw upon the cast off bones that your weak ass dog fancies itself too good for.

For further references on the subject, remember your case studies. Roger, of course, whose GRIN is a Harbinger of Reality and surely a sign that you have not been paying attention to the Way Things Are. Alty, whose Alaskan-forged GRIN by necessity creates the two categories of Those Who Have Seen It and Those Who Still Have Their Noses. Nigel, whose GRIN says to you Yes You Should You Should Always And Forever Just Once More There We Go Do It Again Hahaha Yes Once More No Never Mind All That Pay It No Heed You Should Hahaha Why Are You Screaming.

[Doktor Howl]

Permission to print this off and leave it around the plant?

[Eater of Clowns]

Permission to print this off and leave it around the plant?

By all means. It would be irresponsible of me to say no. It could save lives.

[The Wizard Joseph]

 

This I understand, I see you do too. Mind if I cobble some thoughts together on it to post? I have been told I have death's eyes by one of my brothers, and that when I am angry my face may smile without actually showing teeth, but you can feel them in my eyes. He would know.

This is a great write up!

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Big Words?

[LMNO]

Love this.

[Eater of Clowns]

Hey, thanks!

This I understand, I see you do too. Mind if I cobble some thoughts together on it to post? I have been told I have death's eyes by one of my brothers, and that when I am angry my face may smile without actually showing teeth, but you can feel them in my eyes. He would know.

This is a great write up!

No need for my permission, but yeah go for it.

Big Words?

If you are so inclined. I still love that Tucson is in the bag one you did a while back.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Thanks! I ask as a courtesy but will take the permit in future threads.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Product Testimony and Basic Tutorial

I got my GRIN with me everwhere I go. Had mine since I was a little kid, so if you're new to working your GRIN listen up!

It's just the thing for dealing with the man on the street. It's a weapon, sharp, bright, and solid. If you're used to it, and past the new-toy urge to flash it around, it's perfectly concealable and can't ever be taken away.

Remember that though, it ain't like you're the only one out there with a GRIN. Not all GRINs are equal. It ALL depends on who's GRIN'n. Best to keep your eyes always open for some of the signs that you may be out GRIN'd.

REMEMBER ALSO, these are only signs. There's no hard rules to the GRIN. This shit ain't Science, but Science helps some. A real GRIN is weaponized Art, straight from your soul or spirit or id or whatever.
It's made of the part of you that is happy as fuck and wants to live at all cost, but don't give a shit about dying,
or killing.
Remember that always when you're GRIN'n or being GRIN'd at.
You're working with sharpened, animal things.

If you flash a solid GRIN and someone looks away or down usually they got no GRIN... but just maybe they're playing you. If they don't look back up before glancing to see if the GRIN is gone or keep looking elsewhere you either really over did it with your GRIN or they've been abused by someone that don't deserve to have a GRIN. Either way stash that shit, they aren't playing. If you stash it quick enough they probably won't consciously remember, but the feeling WILL stick. GRINs are not toys.

If they look away don't be surprised. Most folks do out of reflex, even if they got a GRIN too. If they decide to GRIN back, well, now the game is on.

If you show GRIN and their eyes never lock to yours before they try to flash a GRIN back they don't have much experience with the GRIN. This is like a punkass 'gangsta' holstering a gun above the balls, in the waist of the pants. You know the kind. Got a GRIN maybe, but no idea what to do with it. Just begging to be shown what real nasty like. Probably uses it to intimidate weaker folks and that's all.

Usually the GRIN is just a fakeass imitation leer in this case. Keep your GRIN on and eyes on theirs real calm like, breathe easy. If you do it just right they'll fold quick and try to get friendly. The weaker monkey instinctively tries to placate. If they seem new or weak with a GRIN, but otherwise alright, accept and maybe make a friend. If they don't seem alright you're in a good spot to practice pressing your GRIN until they find a reason to go away. The better you are with your authentic GRIN, the faster that reason is found.

If you're a master they'll usually just plain run and find the closest group of familiar faces to bitch to. This is why you should not show your full GRIN just any old time.  One good GRIN usually leads to a need for more.

If you flash your GRIN and the GRIN is met well and returned this establishes a basis for mutual respect, but not necessarily friendship. The authentic GRIN is the first weapon of its kind. Not only is it non lethal, low maintenance, and fun to use it also can actually prevent any further weapons from coming into play if used correctly. It is a sort of anti-weapon in this sense and can be yours forever! Cheap!!

In future tutorials we'll cover the advanced uses of this amazing product and cover some of the pitfalls of misuse in greater detail.

Get out there. Be safe.
Keep On GRIN'n!

[Reginald Ret]

Nice!

[The Wizard Joseph]

Nice!

Thanks! The figuring out a way to pluralise and add tenses to GRIN was tough.

You might even say an intense process.
But that would be puning, and therefore punishable.

... I think it's punny anyway.

I really gotta stop now.

[Reginald Ret]

Nice!

Thanks! The figuring out a way to pluralise and add tenses to GRIN was tough.

You might even say an intense process.
But that would be puning, and therefore punishable.

... I think it's punny anyway.

I really gotta stop now.

GRIN'n works quite well, good find!

[The Wizard Joseph]

GRIN models.

The Big Nineveh
If you've ever wanted to GRIN like an actual Ninny then The Big Nineveh is the only way to go. Unfortunately this particular GRIN model is heavily restricted in availability due to various longstanding treaties and it's something you kind of have to "inherit" now. This GRIN has long been classified as a weapon of terror but in ancient armies of the pre-Babylonian era it was once standard issue. It meant that your opponent was REALLY prepared to have A Good Time on the battlefield. The very last thing that a soldier or warrior wants to ever encounter in combat is someone having more fun than they are.

If you happen to be endowed with The Big Nineveh flashing it casually in public is a good way to get Noted and make folks unconsciously "reach" if the have or generally carry a weapon or head for the largest group of friendly, generally non psychopathic, primates. This may have inadvertently led to the concept of the phalanx formation and shield walls as a way to bypass the psychological combat advantage enjoyed by Genuine Ninnies for ages prior, but we'll never know for sure now.

The Richtus '86
A GRIN is not a toy. The use of even the slightest amount of GRIN technique is an appeal to the deep forces and mysteries of the primate mind and experience. Nowhere is this more visceral than in evoking Death and deathly thoughts to come knocking. A Richtus is by far the most brutal and incisive of GRIN models commonly available in the modern age, but this is entirely because it is also the first known GRIN employed by ancient humans. Where once this GRIN was the exclusive domain of those that had died nasty (many empires lined their main cities and roads with them) in our age it has come into it's own as a living GRIN for those dead enough inside to wield it.

The '86 model has all of the bang of the original models but once it's locked in can be very difficult to conceal due to the inevitable cheek muscle over-development and needing a good pair of dark eye lenses to hide the hollowed abyssal pits that an idiot or non GRIN user might mistake for pupils. If you're one of those that only has 2 settings and the pleasant one is "kill 'em all" then the Richtus '86 is truly all the GRIN you'll ever need.


Got a couple more concepts but not sure how to write them up just yet. I'll get them out soon though.

In the meantime BUMP because relevant

[Vanadium Gryllz]

 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

HOWWWWWW did I never see this thread?