Shameless Slander, #6: Junkenstien

[Doktor Howl]

Junkenstien is a demolition man.  He wrecks buildings industrial facilities, sometimes even at the request of the people that own them.  He doesn't use a wrecking ball, or even a bulldozer.  He uses a crowbar and his innate English hatred of all that is good & right in the world.  His brain is made out of chips and lager.  He's like one of those Rotwiellers that eat babies; it's just in his nature.

Say you're taking a nap in your office at lunch.  You wake up, and your office is gone.  The plant is gone.  There's some horrible bastard in front of you with a crowbar.  Guess what?  You're going to sleep again.

This is what happened to the British economy in the 80s.  Everyone blamed Thatcher, but the actual fact is that it was Junkenstien destroying production facilities faster than the poor job providers could build them.  He's like a Tasmanian devil with a pry bar.  He takes drugs.  YOUR drugs.  And you don't say shit about it, not if you know what's good for you.

There is no subway.  Junkie turfed it up, extra-dimensional influences or not.  Junkie lives OUTSIDE THE DOME, and this is by definition a BAD THING, because the moment he can find an irregularity in it, down it comes, leaving us all to die choking on what's passed for Earth's atmosphere since 2002.  Junkie is what happened to the twin towers, and the government sensibly blamed it on Muslims, and won't even admit he exists.  His lunchbox is full of orphans.  His Ipod plays the 1945 Dresden Choir. 

What I said.  He's a wrecker.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

People in some parts use "Junkenstein's Crowbar" as a metaphor for coming to a bad end. What they don't know is that it's not a metaphor, and that every time something or someone gets FUCKED UP, it's because they ran into the wrong end of Junkenstein's crowbar. That's where the term "bad end" came from.

Which is, incidentally, both ends.

And the middle.

[Doktor Howl]

People in some parts use "Junkenstein's Crowbar" as a metaphor for coming to a bad end. What they don't know is that it's not a metaphor, and that every time something or someone gets FUCKED UP, it's because they ran into the wrong end of Junkenstein's crowbar. That's where the term "bad end" came from.

Which is, incidentally, both ends.

And the middle.

[Reginald Ret]

 
Comedic genius, the both of you!

[Junkenstein]

Total horseshit, I would never use apple products.

[Eater of Clowns]

MEXICO got crowbarred. The SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE got crowbarred.

He is a menace.

[Richter]

He once met something NICE, loved by all, coming out of a pub late one eve.  He was drunk, of course.  He was off duty.  He was still the consumate professional.  He hurled into Johnathan Coulton's lap in his shiny convertible.

Fucker.

[EK WAFFLR]

  

[Doktor Howl]

All of you new bastards had better read this, in case he ever finishes wrecking Manchester and comes back.

[Brother Mythos]

I heard from a guy, who knows another guy (So you know this is a reliable source!), who claims that the horrendous, nonstop vibrations from Junkenstien's demolition is the reason that old Egyptian statue in the Manchester Museum keeps moving around.

[Doktor Howl]

I heard from a guy, who knows another guy (So you know this is a reliable source!), who claims that the horrendous, nonstop vibrations from Junkenstien's demolition is the reason that old Egyptian statue in the Manchester Museum keeps moving around.

No, that's on account of Manchester is haunted.  You have the ghost of a pub owner who keeps showing up on CCTV, the Manchester Mummy, a ghost train (which is all kinds of awesome), and all manner of other shit that is wicked cool, especially given that none of it is real.  As far as you know.