Shameless Slander, #11: Hoopla

[Doktor Howl]

Toronto shares with Tucson it's lack of color.  Both cities are in Black & White, like old movies.  Tucson because the sun leaches all the color out of the fabric, and Toronto because the people that live there just aren't having it.  They are not about allowing people to run around doing stuff, and not because they're mean or anything.  No.  It's a matter of public safety.  Color allows camouflage, and Hoopla blends in enough already.

He is built for speed.  His head is aerodynamic.  In a sprint, he has been clocked at 100 KPH.

He hits like a battering ram, and no man-made object can withstand him.  Then when the dust settles and the screams run down to moans, he extrudes pseudopods that worm through the wreckage, finding trapped victims and horribly draining them of all fluids.  Then, when sated, he flows down into the wreckage, poses as a survivor, and waits for "rescue".  Rinse, repeat.

He does this all the time.  The Canadian government is certain something is going on, but they label it as earthquakes or the results of fracking, because nobody wants to get close.  Even the Mounties won't go near Toronto when the meat sickness is on Hoopla.

Hoopla has an extra adrenal gland engineered into him, which explains his bursts of speed and hysterical strength.  He wears a piece of rebar as a bow tie, immaculately formed, as if he were attending a wedding, or perhaps replicating Tucker Carlson.

Because that's just how he rolls. 

[LMNO]

Oh, the humanity!

[Doktor Howl]

Oh, the humanity!

Yes, the Tucker Carlson thing was a bit much, I must admit.

It's worth noting that nobody knows if Toronto has a subway.

[hooplala]

It's not easy having a good time.

[hooplala]

Every once in a while I get this meatloaf craving, insatiable really. I think about it, imagine the smell, and then I wake up 5 hours later in a mess of broken concrete, foam insulation, and bone marrow. I like to assume the marrow means I obtained some gourmet meatloaf somewhere, but to be perfectly honest I don't question it too much anymore.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

This round of slander has been AMAZING all around!