Dirtbags, part 4

[Doktor Howl]

Unplugged Wine Bar, a little while later...

"So," I said, "As it stands, Ed has not been disciplined, the racist only had to make an apology, and everyone's avoiding this like the plague."  I did not know, that evening, that the EEOC retaliation complaint I had made had been spiked at the top of the HR food chain.

"What do you plan to do?"

"Cause a bunch of havoc, leave for another company."

"You never seemed to me to be the kind of guy to get run off," Katie replied.

"I'm not, not really.  The entire situation is hopeless, and the plant is doomed.  While I'm stubborn, I'm not stupid.  I'm getting out while the getting is good."

She looked at, in the owlish manner of the half-smashed, over her glass.  "I keep forgetting that you're more than a goon."

"And I keep forgetting that you are a goon.  I keep thinking of you as a botanist or whatever it is, a sweet and harmless academic."

Katie laughed out loud.  I was more than a little buzzed, and was slightly dizzy.  I don't get drunk very often at all anymore, so my pacing was off.  This also of course meant no sleeping pills, but so far the evening was worth giving up sleep for a day.

"Well," she said, "I'm sorry your dreams of building the future didn't last.  So allow me to present an alternative."

"Okay."

She killed her drink and leaned across the table, leering at me.  "Let's go fuck some shit up."

"I'm down."

I swallowed the last of my drink, and stood.  Katie lit a smoke, and we headed for the door.  The bartender hollered out "There's no smoking in here!"

"I smoke where I want," she hollered back, "Killing and burning plants is my BUSINESS."

Walking down Congress Street, she looked at me.  "You know, most botanists want to go work for Monsanto or some shit, make a pile."

"I take it that's not your plan?"

"Fuck no.  I don't have a plan yet, but it sure as fuck won't be somewhere like that.  It's not just the corporate culture, either.  You know what I'd really like to do?"

"Nope."

"I'd like to genetically modify kudzu."

"What, to finally kill it off?"

"HAW!  No, to make it drought-resistant and faster-growing."

"What?  That will kill off agriculture in the Deep South completely."

"Exactly.  I'm not a world-saver.  I'm more of a super-villain.  I want to laugh maniacally and explain my entire plan to the hero."

"Short career."

"But FUN.  All I need is a name.  All the good ones are taken."

"I dunno.  How about Doktor Killenplantz?"

"Oh, I LIKE that.  Hey check out what's coming."  A half-block away, a man of about 35 wearing sandals & socks was heading towards us.  He was wearing ratty cut offs and a shirt with food babe's picture on it, and was walking head-down, fucking with a smartphone.  Hell, I didn't know food babe shirts were even a thing, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Katie stepped into his path, and he ploughed straight into her.

Oh, dear.

to be continued

[LMNO]

"Oh dear," indeed.

[Eater of Clowns]

I wonder if he realizes, at this point, that things are going to go poorly.   

[Dubya]

This is why you don't walk along messing with your phone: you never know when you will run into a rogue botanist.

[hooplala]

Food babe. 

[Bruno]

Maybe he was wearing the food babe shirt ironically.


I'm not sure which is worse.

[hooplala]

Maybe he was wearing the food babe shirt ironically.


I'm not sure which is worse.

People wearing that ironically should still be ready for a punch in the gut.

[Bruno]

To be punched in the gut ironically, even.

[Richter]

I am actually straining in my seat to read the next bit 

[Doktor Howl]

I am actually straining in my seat to read the next bit 

I don't think that will be until Tuesday, because I have a thing with Jenn.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

A Food Babe shirt. He deserves what's coming to him. Not to even MENTION socks and sandals.

[Richter]

I am actually straining in my seat to read the next bit 

I don't think that will be until Tuesday, because I have a thing with Jenn.

I'll pass the time.  Need to carry out a contract on the wild hair off "Off-gridder" cousin, and survive a family wedding.  If anything goes south Leln will fill in details.

[Richter]

A Food Babe shirt. He deserves what's coming to him. Not to even MENTION socks and sandals.

Yes.  It smacks of pedophilia.  And the socks/sandals shit...