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Testamonial:  And i have actually gone to a bar and had a bouncer try to start a fight with me on the way in. I broke his teeth out of his fucking mouth and put his face through a passenger side window of a car.

Guess thats what the Internet was build for, pussy motherfuckers taking shit in safety...

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NAFR Jihad Sermon: SEVEN

Started by Irreverend Hugh, KSC, January 14, 2005, 06:55:00 AM

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Irreverend Hugh, KSC

(Not-Another-Fucking-Rant Jihad)
Sermon on Eristicism: Seven


This NAFR almost became my angry-goodbye-to-the-online-Discordian-world. Some of you have read my spiel about getting detained and having to endure several hours of stupid questions about "jihad." I pulled an old Chicago trick of contacting a police commander related to me and I was released. (It is important to be able to say the right things to the right people, even though in this case, it turned out that it was probably unnecessary.) I stopped by a friend's house to share my misery, went online to further share my misery. Then walked around in the snow till sometime after morning.  But I thought that FUN was over. FUN, or at least our DSSS FUN was to be replaced with dumb seizures of property and person, with our time being taken up by stupid questions about Jihad, Arab-terrorists, and the permutations of the word "Kallisti." All the while, we would have to sit every waking hour in dingy rooms with hideous fluorescent lights that make people look just about as nasty as they really are on the inside. I thought I was either going on the lam or into Donald Rumsfeld's Funhouse. But as it turns out, I was victim of a grand jake. I fell for it harder than little Billy falls for the meth whore next door. It was vicious, unrepeatable, and far reaching in its implications for my life. By-all-gods! I had it coming. (Especially after all the raucus I caused in december.)

I don't even think I felt anything amiss right until the jake was revealed. Damn! (I SHOULD HAVE figured it out. Did I mention that the cops asked many times about the word "kallisti?" I realize NOW that that was my clue. There were probably dozens of other clues that would have helped me realize what was going on, had I not been totally shut down with The Fear and The Anger which followed.) A lot of you may be asking questions as to how the damned thing was pulled off and how some cops were able to be in on it or at least used. Keep wondering. It really wasn't all that hard to pull off...at least once.

This Jake was as much a part of the DJ as any other thing. And I offer it up to you as proof that no one is immune to our Golden Apple tossing... not even the Irreverend is safe from his own fellow cabal members. Nor are they safe from him. I feel so much better now that my vision of REALITY has been restored. I was getting much too complacent...perhaps it was all the holiday turkey and alcohol...perhaps something else. The rest of the DSSS did me a favor. And rest insecured that I will always be ready to do likewise for the rest of the DSSS, and the rest of you fellow Discordians, by all gods and their stepdad, Bob! (And we won't here get into how I will punish those responsible for this latest grand jake.)

Which brings me to my topic: JAKING.

What a wonderful thing jaking is, especially when it is as indistinguishable from the doings of 'normal' society as the jake which recently knocked all the snot from my head. (Even though the very thought of a couple of cops being either Discordian or Discordian-friendly makes me shudder at the foul possibilities and implications. Now my paranoia is definitely going to be one of my more trusted 'advisors.') And like all REAL GOOD jakes, everything can be denied by all involved as merely being the product of someone's (a.k.a the victim's) over active imagination. Now, those of you who are apt or prone to the habit of jaking, learn from this example and endeavor to do as good or better.

The snow that I had walked around in while still under The Fear and The Anger, believing the whole jake, lock stock and barrel, is now melted away. Like the elements that made up the jake itself. What does it all mean?

I am also coming to the sudden conclusion (as prone to error as any conclusion can and WILL be) that this entire world, which some of us call Eris' Playground, is She-What-Done-It-All's very particular jake upon all of us human beings. Animals, as the White Mouse often tells me, seem to be immune to this sort of thing. (Although anyone can speak with the White Mouse. And I am sure he will tell each person something different...the little Erisian trickster that he is.)

In a just world, Official would be president and his sadistic silly santa hat would be one of the icons of that office.

Just saying.

Or you can forget you even heard/read this.

-Irreverend Hugh, KSC, Facilitator of the Kitten Arming Department of the DSSS/PMM
and Co-Episkopos.

p.s. As a reminder to any over-zealous agents of whatever the hell office titles they hold:

"A Note To Homeland Security: Rest assured that the Great Purple Monkey Tzaddik Rouge Discordian Jihad has nothing to do with America or Islamic fanatics, in as much as it can be said that they exist; but solely involves the Discordian Society, which is no threat to American security, in as much as both can be said to exist, in as much as this could be the truth; in as much as the Discordian Society is no threat to anything, whatever any of this can be said to mean."

[subverting all jihads for at least 225 days]

[jan.13.2005]
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

chaosgraves:agentoferis

A police pfficer gave a presentation at the housing project I live in. me and one of my fellow discordians asked a bunch of questions and this guy kept giving the funniest answers so we just kept asking more. My friend outted herself to me about two weeks earlier when she said " the meeting started to get boring so i threw a golden apple into the mix.

so this cop talked a little about how he can tell the local gangs by the tagging style that they use.

well a few months earlier I had been accused of putting up some graffitti on the theatre that we were using to perform some plays in ( it was prince fancypants or whatever he used to call himself over at the castle chaos)... so I took this cop down there to show him where they were and so he could tell me what "gang" it was from.

He looked at it for a little bit. He said " eye in the pyramid, ying yang, apple with the word Kallista in it( yes he pronounced it like miss flockhearts name"HHHmmmm you know I think it might be the Discordian Society, they can be a little annoying but are mostly harmless. 42. I wouldn't worry about it too much. thanks for showing me this."

I asked what the discordian society was.

he told me " you are not cleared for that information. 23-skidoo."

I also have a freind that is a member of the church of the subgenius that is going to school studying law enforcment.

you got that right man... it's a little scary... but not so much so.
Constitution?!?!? Isn't that a D&D stat.

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

It's kind of opened my mind up a bit on who could be Discordians....and how far this thing actually goes....

And I am getting my revengery on Official.
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

Horab Fibslager

lol's!

that'll serve ya right.  :twisted:
Hell is other people.

Rev Thwack

Just wait until you hear a brigade commander say 23-skidoo.
My balls itch...

LMNO

I'll say one thing, Hugh:  You've some somre really good friends if they are gonna spend that much time and effort jaking you.  I mean, think about it.  If they didn't really give a shit, if they were ambivalent towards you, they'd probably just steal your pants and mail them back to you or something.

But to go through that much planning?  That's respect, right there.

Be thankful you know people like that.  Of course, that shouldn't stop you from wreaking horrible vengance upon them for what they did, but that's all part of the game now, isn't it?

You Know

Say, Hugh.

Aren't these your pants?

They used to be too small, but they fit now, don't they?

 :P

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

Quote from: You KnowSay, Hugh.

Aren't these your pants?

They used to be too small, but they fit now, don't they?

 :P

I think you have confused my plants with my pants.

Undigest thy brain at once, trooper!

We have no room for such activity in this man's jihad. Understood?
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"