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ORC ATTACK!!

Started by Edward Longpork, November 12, 2015, 09:01:06 PM

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Edward Longpork

An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?

Edward Longpork

I'm in an office with open-plan seating, and I sit by the door, so I'd be in a lot of trouble.

I think my first move would be to pick up the chair I'm sitting in and use it as a shield. If an orc is coming at me, I'd heave the chair at him and then run the other way.

My boss, who sits next to me, would definitely get kicked towards the orcs.

There is nothing at my desk I could use as a weapon. Closest thing would be some scissors. Best I could hope for would be to put out an eye and run. I would grab a box of push-pins and scatter them behind me like caltrops.

The survival plan would be to get to the stairwell, run down a few floors, and then hide in a filing cabinet or something. I wouldn't fuck with the elevator.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Edward Longpork on November 12, 2015, 09:01:06 PM
An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?

I join them.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

Season myself with garlic and a nice vinigrette.

Edward Longpork

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 12, 2015, 09:19:34 PM
Quote from: Edward Longpork on November 12, 2015, 09:01:06 PM
An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?

I join them.

What's your first move to prove your allegiance?

Cain

I say "here's the keys, I'll be in the coffee shop next door if you want anything."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.
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LMNO

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 12, 2015, 10:05:08 PM
I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.

:golfclap:

Trivial

Tell my co-worker this was the moment he was waiting for.
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The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Edward Longpork on November 12, 2015, 09:40:16 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 12, 2015, 09:19:34 PM
Quote from: Edward Longpork on November 12, 2015, 09:01:06 PM
An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?

I join them.

What's your first move to prove your allegiance?

I kill the mail boy and serve him up sashimi.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 12, 2015, 10:05:08 PM
I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

Probably get bludgeoned while googling "orc attack" then refining my results to "what to do in an orc attack" and finding a bunch of unhelpful lists before I go with "orc weakness" at which point they are probably through the door.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Wizard Joseph

Demand a perception check and a default IQ roll before the initiative is rolled to determine if they're Tolkien orcs or Warhammer orcs. Failing to make a distinction, I roll initiative and attempt a grapple against the closest if they and I are both unarmed and proceed to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker until I can improvise a weapon of some sort. If they are at all armed I would attempt a fighting retreat as I throw any and all of the plentiful handy objects scattered around my apartment and make a move for my windows overlooking the parking lot.

If Warhammer orcs I bend over and kiss my pinkskin, Umie backside goodbye. Even if I somehow managed to flee or even defeat them this world is now doomed to the Green Death. I'd still fight the best I could, being stubborn, but hold no illusions about victory.

If Tolkien orcs I commit totally to killing them as expediently as possible and will under no circumstances allow myself to be taken alive. If Uruk-hai I flee as per armed orcs, see above, but intend to circle around after I get to my car for a few useful items and a genuine weapon or two. Odds are very good that if they're here for me specifically I won't have to go looking for them, but I'm not leaving them alive if I can help it.
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MMIX

Sorry TWJ but they are obviously WoW orcs;

     and so am I 

             Lok'tar ogar, suckers.
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P3nT4gR4m

My reaction would be disappointment. I wanted zombies goddamnit. Is it too much to ask?  :argh!:

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