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Mansplaining: Why?

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, December 31, 2015, 08:23:24 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#45
January 01, 2016, 11:11:14 PM
Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on January 01, 2016, 11:09:50 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 01, 2016, 10:53:49 PM
Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on January 01, 2016, 10:46:48 PM
well i think there's a difference between calling out microaggressions in strangers and calling them out in loved ones. In strangers, you have no significant level of connection or relationship with the person, so fuck it, call him a shitlord and go about your day. With loved ones however, you risk threatening that relationship by making what could be perceived as an attack on his or her character. rather than treat this as an obstacle, think of it as a tool and use your connection to approach the topic in a nonjudgemental way. Dont frame it as "hey i'm calling you out on your bullshit, cut it out" but instead come from the heart and say something like "hey can you not X, because it makes me feel Y" This will also probably feel weird and awkward, but it probably wont end in yelling and may actually work.

I am not sure that actually addresses the problem at all.
it does for you and that person.

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 31, 2015, 08:25:16 PM
Also, a related question: should I tell my friend that he does this? Should I just be "you're mansplaining, friend, FYI"?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#46
January 01, 2016, 11:15:37 PM
But please, do tell me some more what solution I really need. It's amusingly ironic.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#47
January 01, 2016, 11:20:23 PM
Nast and Chelagoras, I'm actually having a super hard time figuring out whether you two are being dense and patronizing on purpose to be funny. If you are, I apologize for not picking up on the joke.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Nast

#48
January 01, 2016, 11:25:46 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 01, 2016, 10:52:37 PM
Quote from: Nast on January 01, 2016, 10:47:19 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 01, 2016, 10:29:32 PM
I'm certainly not doing him, or others who engage in mansplaining, any favors by maintaining the status quo and deflecting rather than pointing it out when it happens. On the other hand, women who complain about mansplaining, condescention, or other commonplace elements of misogynistic microaggression tend to be quickly dismissed as shrill, hysterical feminist social justice warriors who are overreacting over something insignificant. In fact, even in the course of this conversation, I leveraged LMNO's mention of misogyny in order to bolster the credibility of that claim, because I know that if I was the one to bring it up it would be more likely to be dismissed. I know this because of 44 years of experience being female in the US, and a degree in psychology, and it's a well-studied phenomenon from which nobody is immune, and yet I am explaining this right now because I know that many people's first reaction to reading that would be "oh, come on, give me a break".

I'm kind of confused by this thread by right now. You created a thread to discuss what are the mansplaining, asking for people's advice on how to deal with friends who are mansplainers, but you already seem to have all the answers in your mind right now.

What about my indecision gives you that idea? Or am I supposed to not think while I write, nor come up with clarifying thoughts over the course of a conversation? This isn't really a "give me advice" thread, it's more of a "let's talk about this thing" thread.

Sorry, I'm much slower to write and respond to posts than you so allow me to catch up. *Breathes* Okay. I think what is tripping me up is your debating/discussion style, which is very...assertive...and so I didn't pick up any indecision at all. But now I understand that debating/discussing is how you are making up your mind. It's just different than how I think, I guess. I'm not trying to insinuate any of those things you think I may be insinuating.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Chelagoras The Boulder

#49
January 01, 2016, 11:26:20 PM
to be fair, it s a little patronizing that you seem to think there's some magic set of words that can reach every man to be a better person automatically. There isnt, the best you can do is use your relationship to help your friend make steps towards that, when and if he wants to. You cant help anyone who doesn't want help; you cant change anyone who doesn't want to change. Outside of that I don't know what to tell you.
"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."

Nast

#50
January 01, 2016, 11:28:53 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 31, 2015, 08:25:16 PM
Also, a related question: should I tell my friend that he does this? Should I just be "you're mansplaining, friend, FYI"?

^ I know that this was technically the second post in the thread, not the OP, but I interpreted this that you also wanted advice on what to say to your friend( I also know that it's not meant to be the main topic).
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Nast

#51
January 01, 2016, 11:32:58 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 01, 2016, 11:20:23 PM
Nast and Chelagoras, I'm actually having a super hard time figuring out whether you two are being dense and patronizing on purpose to be funny. If you are, I apologize for not picking up on the joke.

If I'm being dense, I'm not being dense on purpose. I'm also not trying to be patronizing or funny at all.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Nast

#52
January 01, 2016, 11:52:40 PM
Nigel, would you please give us the benefit of the doubt? Rereading this thread, I think people are sincerely trying to contribute to this thread as they understand it, and not trying to patronize you or dismiss you. I also think you're being rather vitriolic about it.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Chelagoras The Boulder

#53
January 02, 2016, 12:17:41 AM
^seconded.
"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#54
January 02, 2016, 02:06:56 AM
Quote from: Nast on January 01, 2016, 11:28:53 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 31, 2015, 08:25:16 PM
Also, a related question: should I tell my friend that he does this? Should I just be "you're mansplaining, friend, FYI"?

^ I know that this was technically the second post in the thread, not the OP, but I interpreted this that you also wanted advice on what to say to your friend( I also know that it's not meant to be the main topic).

The question was whether I should tell my friend that he is mansplaining.


Why is this hard?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Cain

#55
January 02, 2016, 02:08:32 AM
He'd probably appreciate knowing, assuming he's an actual friend and not just some kind of casual acquaintance.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#56
January 02, 2016, 02:10:22 AM
Quote from: Nast on January 01, 2016, 11:25:46 PM

Sorry, I'm much slower to write and respond to posts than you so allow me to catch up. *Breathes* Okay. I think what is tripping me up is your debating/discussion style, which is very...assertive...and so I didn't pick up any indecision at all. But now I understand that debating/discussing is how you are making up your mind. It's just different than how I think, I guess. I'm not trying to insinuate any of those things you think I may be insinuating.

Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on January 01, 2016, 11:26:20 PM
to be fair, it s a little patronizing that you seem to think there's some magic set of words that can reach every man to be a better person automatically. There isnt, the best you can do is use your relationship to help your friend make steps towards that, when and if he wants to. You cant help anyone who doesn't want help; you cant change anyone who doesn't want to change. Outside of that I don't know what to tell you.

Quote from: Nast on January 01, 2016, 11:52:40 PM
Nigel, would you please give us the benefit of the doubt? Rereading this thread, I think people are sincerely trying to contribute to this thread as they understand it, and not trying to patronize you or dismiss you. I also think you're being rather vitriolic about it.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: No, but seriously.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#57
January 02, 2016, 02:12:15 AM
Quote from: Cain on January 02, 2016, 02:08:32 AM
He'd probably appreciate knowing, assuming he's an actual friend and not just some kind of casual acquaintance.

Yeah, he's a newer friend from school, but we hang out a fair bit.

I should probably tell him. I just don't know how receptive he'll be about it.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Nast

#58
January 02, 2016, 02:34:36 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 02, 2016, 02:06:56 AM
Quote from: Nast on January 01, 2016, 11:28:53 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 31, 2015, 08:25:16 PM
Also, a related question: should I tell my friend that he does this? Should I just be "you're mansplaining, friend, FYI"?

^ I know that this was technically the second post in the thread, not the OP, but I interpreted this that you also wanted advice on what to say to your friend( I also know that it's not meant to be the main topic).

The question was whether I should tell my friend that he is mansplaining.


Why is this hard?

Okay, now I understand that you just wanted a yes or no answer to that. I'm sorry for not catching that.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."

Nast

#59
January 02, 2016, 02:49:13 AM
Nigel, to be honest, your derisive tone is actually pretty hurtful.
"If I owned Goodwill, no charity worker would feel safe.  I would sit in my office behind a massive pile of cocaine, racking my pistol's slide every time the cleaning lady came near.  Auditors, I'd just shoot."
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