Mansplaining: Why?

[Trivial]

Not sure if it's really mansplaining, since I lack the whole man bit, but I have an urge where my brain goes, "I know thing, must say thing before I explode!"

I'd say it would have to do with the fact that I can go days without talking to another female in real life, but I've always been that way.

I really am not sure whether that would fit the category of mansplaining or not. I guess it depends partly on whether you do it with topics that the person you do it to should reasonably be expected to already know. For example, if you walked into someone's home and saw that they own, for example, a Nintendo 64, do you assume they know how to use it, or do you start explaining the rudiments of playing Nintendo 64 games to them as if they have ever seen one before, let alone own one? Mansplaining really on some level requires an unthinking assumption of complete ignorance on the listener's part, specifically about a topic they would obviously, if the explainer was using reason or thinking about it at all, already be fluent in.

That is different than what I was thinking of.  I'm sure now after this post I'm going to see it everywhere.   

[East Coast Hustle]

This thread might reach critical irony.

I think you should tell him but I also recognize that that's an easy thing for me to say. But if you can't get your friends to knock that shit off around you then why be friends with them?

As for the actual OP questions, well, fuck if I know. But taking a minute to think about that from the POV of the receiving end increases my already estimable respect for your ability to not literally kill every motherfucker every goddamn day.

A possibly related anecdotal observation: I find it much easier to teach women than men in the kitchen. My impression is that they're less likely to approach a genuine teaching moment (in a context in which I am above them in the professional chain of command) with the mindset that they already know better than I do what I'm trying to show or tell them. If all the line cooks were women, chefs wouldn't NEED to yell other than to be heard during service over the sounds of a busy kitchen.

[East Coast Hustle]

And now I just realized that you have me questioning how much of that is just a side effect of negative social conditioning due to constant mansplaining. Goddammit.

[East Coast Hustle]

HEY GUYS I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. LET'S MAKE HALF OF THE HUMAN RACE LEARN HOW TO BE NICER PEOPLE AND THEN PRETTY MUCH IGNORE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This thread might reach critical irony.

I think you should tell him but I also recognize that that's an easy thing for me to say. But if you can't get your friends to knock that shit off around you then why be friends with them?

As for the actual OP questions, well, fuck if I know. But taking a minute to think about that from the POV of the receiving end increases my already estimable respect for your ability to not literally kill every motherfucker every goddamn day.

A possibly related anecdotal observation: I find it much easier to teach women than men in the kitchen. My impression is that they're less likely to approach a genuine teaching moment (in a context in which I am above them in the professional chain of command) with the mindset that they already know better than I do what I'm trying to show or tell them. If all the line cooks were women, chefs wouldn't NEED to yell other than to be heard during service over the sounds of a busy kitchen.

That is interesting, but not especially surprising. My dad says that women are easier to teach to shoot, too, for similar reasons.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And now I just realized that you have me questioning how much of that is just a side effect of negative social conditioning due to constant mansplaining. Goddammit.

It's probably part of the same social conditioning that leads to mansplaining.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel, to be honest, your derisive tone is actually pretty hurtful.

You and Chelagoras mansplaining in the mansplaining thread is hilarious, though.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Hey I'm not gonna read or think about what you wrote, I'm just gonna respond to what I think you wrote, tell you you're wrong, too aggressive, too patronizing, unclear in your wording, and give you an irrelevant answer to a question you didn't ask, and act butthurt when you point it out."

I hope you're able, at some point, to recognize that pain as cognitive dissonance, because it will help you a lot if you figure it out.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think that a major clue might be the part where you looked at this thread and somehow decided it must be an advice thread, in which Nigel is asking for advice on handling mansplainers in her personal life, because I asked the question about whether I should tell my friend he's mansplaining. You see, if I tell my friend he is mansplaining, odds are very high that he will react exactly as you are, complete with "why did you ask if you don't want to hear the solution?" defensiveness that totally misconstrues the context and misses the point.

[Nast]

"Hey I'm not gonna read or think about what you wrote, I'm just gonna respond to what I think you wrote, tell you you're wrong, too aggressive, too patronizing, unclear in your wording, and give you an irrelevant answer to a question you didn't ask, and act butthurt when you point it out."

I hope you're able, at some point, to recognize that pain as cognitive dissonance, because it will help you a lot if you figure it out.

I really do apologize for misconstruing what you wanted from this thread. I'm not upset at you pointing it out, but rather your tone and sarcasm, which I think is unduly combative. It's painful to me because you're someone that I like and respect, and was not expecting to receive such harsh opprobrium.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Hey I'm not gonna read or think about what you wrote, I'm just gonna respond to what I think you wrote, tell you you're wrong, too aggressive, too patronizing, unclear in your wording, and give you an irrelevant answer to a question you didn't ask, and act butthurt when you point it out."

I hope you're able, at some point, to recognize that pain as cognitive dissonance, because it will help you a lot if you figure it out.

I really do apologize for misconstruing what you wanted from this thread. I'm not upset at you pointing it out, but rather your tone and sarcasm, which I think is unduly combative. It's painful to me because you're someone that I like and respect, and was not expecting to receive such harsh opprobrium.

Well, I appreciate that you like and respect me, and thanks for the open-faced compliment sandwich, but I also think you're being patronizing and a little bit stereotypically manipulative, via telling me that I am being "harsh", "unduly combative", "...assertive", and "vitriolic" in order to shut me down when I pointed out actual mansplaining taking place in the mansplaining thread.

Seriously, Chelagoras pointing out that men and women have different communication styles was classic.

It actually is funny as hell, when you see it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

For the record, I am not mad, Just kind of bemused. I expected much better from you.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I find myself doing this as well, and i think it has to do with the way men socialize as opposed to women. if a women brings up a subject to other women, the social assumption seems to be for the other woman to listen attentively. Whereas when a man brings up a topic to another man, the assumption tends to be that the issue is a "problem" that needs to be "solved". I remember hearing about this in a communications class once, but it has to do with the different genders having different social "languages". The pofessor also said that the kinds of things men and women value in friendships are different too. WOmen tend to value fidelity (hence all the listening and empathy) whereas men tend to value loyalty (the being willing to step in and help out if a problem DOES need solving)

That, or we all have tiny penises and were just not okay with it. who knows?

Yes, I think we have all been exposed to the "men and women have different communication styles" trope by this point. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, right? Except that of course outside of pop psychology and self-help books, it's not that simple. Socialization definitely plays a role, and the concept of gender-based communication styles is itself a form of social conditioning. We (should) all know that by now.

Nigel, I think you're being too quick to dismiss what Chelagoras is saying. Don't you think there's an appreciable difference between how men and women are conditioned to communicate, and also how men are conditioned to communicate with women, that contributes to the phenomenon of mainsplaining?

Seriously, Nast. Just what were you thinking? "Oh, she's wrong, she doesn't know this incredibly obvious thing which is an implicit part of the backdrop for mansplaining, I must mansplain it to her some more so she will come back and acknowledge Chelagoras' important contribution to this thread"

Or wait

no

no, there was no actual thinking going on there at all, was there?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, Chelagoras, seriously? What you said boils down to "I think mansplaining comes down to men and women being socialized to communicate differently".

YA THINK?

Jesus fuck, guys, how can you NOT SEE THE HILARIOUS IRONY IN THIS EXCHANGE? 

Everyone else posting has made totally thoughtful contributions to the thread, but you two seem hell-bent on illustrating its reason for existing in the first place.

[Nast]

"Hey I'm not gonna read or think about what you wrote, I'm just gonna respond to what I think you wrote, tell you you're wrong, too aggressive, too patronizing, unclear in your wording, and give you an irrelevant answer to a question you didn't ask, and act butthurt when you point it out."

I hope you're able, at some point, to recognize that pain as cognitive dissonance, because it will help you a lot if you figure it out.

I really do apologize for misconstruing what you wanted from this thread. I'm not upset at you pointing it out, but rather your tone and sarcasm, which I think is unduly combative. It's painful to me because you're someone that I like and respect, and was not expecting to receive such harsh opprobrium.

Well, I appreciate that you like and respect me, and thanks for the open-faced compliment sandwich, but I also think you're being patronizing and a little bit stereotypically manipulative, via telling me that I am being "harsh", "unduly combative", "...assertive", and "vitriolic" in order to shut me down when I pointed out actual mansplaining taking place in the mansplaining thread.

Seriously, Chelagoras pointing out that men and women have different communication styles was classic.

It actually is funny as hell, when you see it.

Wow, I really regret having ever posted in this thread. If what I write is going to continue to be taken in the absolute worst light possible, then I see no reason for further discussion.