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Started by FailedAI, January 14, 2016, 05:45:28 PM

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Junkenstein

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

Obligatory Sapolsky. If the lecture isn't useful, the soothing voice is.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Junkenstein on January 15, 2016, 09:25:08 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

Obligatory Sapolsky. If the lecture isn't useful, the soothing voice is.

GOD I LOVE THAT MAN.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


FailedAI

Ok, so first, I want to thank everyone for their responses, and apologize if I made anyone worry. I was panicking pretty hard.

This 'thing' that happens to me comes in waves, and it seems to have passed. Normally, when it finally blows over, I pretend it never happened and I try to get on with things. The problem with that is that it invariably comes back, and I am then unprepared to deal with it.

This time, however, I created a public account of the incident, meaning that I have a reminder that this happened, and I cannot ignore it, even after it has blown over.

I think what is happening is called "double depression." I have been affected by dysthymia for over 20yrs, and I think I have developed Seasonal Affective Disorder. However, I am affected by this twice a year, once in the summer, and once in the winter. I believe this happened because those seasons are the off-times for school, and during those times that I wasn't working on school stuff, I had nothing to work on to make myself feel useful, and I would not see many people, because I saw most of my friends at school. So, basically, twice a year I get an extra serving of bad-times dumped on top of a persistent, low-level depression.

Anyhow, since I have graduated, I forgot that I was entering the next loop, and even kind of assumed that it wouldn't happen this time around because I am no longer in school, but apparently I was very wrong. Oops.

While it is true that I should probably seek some professional help, I do not currently have access to the type of help I would need. So, while I am trying to get that set up, I also need to have a plan for the next time this happens. Finding support from those that I know IRL has been incredibly difficult, but, even though it was embarrassing to post about this on a public forum, everybody's support here was helpful enough to get through it. Of course, I know that posting here is not a solution, nor does it eliminate the root cause for the problem. But, while I am working towards a solution, this thread can help me by being a kind of safety net if shit gets really bad again.

Thanks again to everyone, next time I will be more prepared, and I will also know that I have support here. I promise you all, I will not let this defeat me. Thank you all so much.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: FailedAI on January 17, 2016, 07:15:03 PM
Ok, so first, I want to thank everyone for their responses, and apologize if I made anyone worry. I was panicking pretty hard.

This 'thing' that happens to me comes in waves, and it seems to have passed. Normally, when it finally blows over, I pretend it never happened and I try to get on with things. The problem with that is that it invariably comes back, and I am then unprepared to deal with it.

This time, however, I created a public account of the incident, meaning that I have a reminder that this happened, and I cannot ignore it, even after it has blown over.

I think what is happening is called "double depression." I have been affected by dysthymia for over 20yrs, and I think I have developed Seasonal Affective Disorder. However, I am affected by this twice a year, once in the summer, and once in the winter. I believe this happened because those seasons are the off-times for school, and during those times that I wasn't working on school stuff, I had nothing to work on to make myself feel useful, and I would not see many people, because I saw most of my friends at school. So, basically, twice a year I get an extra serving of bad-times dumped on top of a persistent, low-level depression.

Anyhow, since I have graduated, I forgot that I was entering the next loop, and even kind of assumed that it wouldn't happen this time around because I am no longer in school, but apparently I was very wrong. Oops.

While it is true that I should probably seek some professional help, I do not currently have access to the type of help I would need. So, while I am trying to get that set up, I also need to have a plan for the next time this happens. Finding support from those that I know IRL has been incredibly difficult, but, even though it was embarrassing to post about this on a public forum, everybody's support here was helpful enough to get through it. Of course, I know that posting here is not a solution, nor does it eliminate the root cause for the problem. But, while I am working towards a solution, this thread can help me by being a kind of safety net if shit gets really bad again.

Thanks again to everyone, next time I will be more prepared, and I will also know that I have support here. I promise you all, I will not let this defeat me. Thank you all so much.

I get seasonal affective disorder, sometimes pretty bad (I basically just lose all motivation to get things done and want to sleep all the time) but I do find that a SAD lamp helps a fair amount. You might give that a shot, because especially with the fact that you get it in the summer too, what may be happening is that the extremely long/short days may be fucking with the timing of your pineal gland's release of melatonin, thereby starting a cascade effect that throws off your whole system and results in depression. If so, using the SAD lamp in the mornings in the winter and melatonin supplements in the evenings in the summer may help regulate your mood.

I wish you luck with this.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


FailedAI

I'll definitely look into a SAD lamp. I've also started efforts to visit a doctor. Considering how long it's been since my last checkup, I wouldn't be surprised if there were health issues making things worse. Other than that, I'm focusing mainly on diet. It's a little tough, as a single person it can be difficult to keep the right amount of food around; too much and it'll go bad before I finish it, too little and, well, you know.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Brother Mythos

Quote from: FailedAI on January 18, 2016, 06:57:46 PM
I'll definitely look into a SAD lamp. I've also started efforts to visit a doctor. Considering how long it's been since my last checkup, I wouldn't be surprised if there were health issues making things worse. Other than that, I'm focusing mainly on diet. It's a little tough, as a single person it can be difficult to keep the right amount of food around; too much and it'll go bad before I finish it, too little and, well, you know.

It's good to read that you're feeling better.

I can't offer any advice on dealing with SAD from personal experience, but a friend with the disorder tells me the lamps do help.

A visit to a M.D. for a checkup is a good move. In truth, I'm pretty bad about having regular checkups myself. I do, however, keep my appointments with my friendly neighborhood headshrinker, even though I'm down to once a year, five minute visits. As I've written before, dysthymia does get easier to deal with as you get older.

Hang in there. I'm sure, with a little help, you'll figure it all out. 

Discordianism is fundamentally mischievous irreverence.

Ziegejunge

I appreciate the update, and the fact that you seem to be honest with yourself, and with us, about this.

I also tend to experience waves of depression during the Summer months. I've always assumed this was a symptom of my childhood: I was an only child in a rural area (no nearby neighbors), so once school let out I because somewhat isolated, socially. It was very odd to realize this was still affecting me into adulthood, after finishing school.

Good food for thought. Thank you for reminding me of this element during my "off-season." Hopefully it will help me prepare for the months ahead, as well.

ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. 🙂

I just wanted to leave this here for you: www.meetup.com.

It's a great way to learn about novel topics and meet interesting people.
P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

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Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 15, 2016, 04:48:25 AMThe second thing I wanted to say is that academically, that ship will never sail. I know people who have gone back to school for an advanced degree in their 50's. My stepmom got her PhD in her 50's. I'm 44 and just now applying to grad school. I have professors who got their PhD later in life. Taking time off to work before applying to grad school is perfectly normal. You can, and it sounds like you should, plan on going back. It's NOT too late. It really isn't.

My ma didn't finish her master's degree until the year before she retired and it still helped her career (because it was the last thing she needed to qualify for a raise which positively impacted her pension)
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Freeky

I'm glad it passed.  This kind of shit sucks hard. 

P3nT4gR4m

From my own personal depression toolkit...

Indulge in physical fitness and improvement - Exercise releases feelgood chemicals in the brain that help make me less depressed. Join a gym, take up martial arts, jogging, skateboarding... Track improvements and set goals, work to improve lap times, new moves, whatever. This will feel like progress which counters that - "I'm getting fucking nowhere" - thing that gets stuck in my head when I'm down.

Learn to cook good food using fresh ingredients. This will help with the physical improvement, since your body will be getting a steady supply of actual nutrients as opposed to mostly sugar and preservatives which don't have a massively beneficial effect on your bio and neurochemistry. Go nuts and practice cooking new dishes. More progress...

Drink a lot of water. Dehydration is the baseline normal for most of western civilisation. Dehydration causes all sorts of bad shit and prolly doesn't help with depression either.

Just say "yes". Say someone invites me to do something. Go for a coffee, visit the zoo, skydive... A depressed person's default answer is "No. [insert lame excuse here]" or "I'll think about it. [excuse pending]" Change that default answer to "Okay" and the hard bit is done in a split second.

After that I might spend the rest of the time dreading it and running over worst case scenarios in my head but who cares, the decision is made, it's out of my hands now. Most of the time I'll find I actually have fun cos, I end up outside, with my friends doing some stuff instead of lying on the floor of a darkened room, in the fetal position, hating my life.




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Dr. Cow Ass

Good advice has been posted here. It may be helpful to keep in mind that one cannot think their way out of bad thinking, they can only act their way out of it. Nearly all therapy or advice that doesn't address behavior is useless.
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The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Dr. Cow Ass on February 09, 2016, 04:44:48 AM
Good advice has been posted here. It may be helpful to keep in mind that one cannot think their way out of bad thinking, they can only act their way out of it. Nearly all therapy or advice that doesn't address behavior is useless.

:lulz:
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