News:

PD.com - you don't even believe in nihilism anymore

Main Menu

Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, February 05, 2016, 04:32:25 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2 3 4
User actions

The Good Reverend Roger

February 05, 2016, 04:32:25 PM Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 05:50:42 PM by The Good Reverend Roger
I don't rightly recall what year this was, but it happened about the time Henry the Fifth (so-named on account of he always seemed to be finishing one) got killed mansplaining to Big Ma about the difference between chances and odds.  You do that, your chances of making it thought the day face some pretty long odds.

Anyway, Richter and I had been running a protection racket, taking the top 10% of everyone's privilege.  Didn't matter what kind of privilege, but we liked the white male sort the best.  This was Richter's idea, and the sheer genius of it was that if the cops tumbled us, we had all that extra privilege and we got let off with a warning. Of course, this meant everyone else got beaten up or shot more often, but it's a rum old world and you have to look out for yourself.

It all went fine until we came back around to shake Nephew Twidddington and Villager down for the third time.  Richter had been into the stuff, and kept making comments about how we should have people to do this for us, right until we parked the Flivver in front of Twiddington's Green Grocers/Bait & Tackle/Methamphetamine shop.  This was the Irish kind of privilege, but it was the end of the week and you take what you can get.

As we're getting out of the car, a cop walks up on us.  A new guy, I don't know him.  As I start to tell him that we're the reason he and the boys have an extra $20 in their envelope each week, I see that he's staring at Richter.  Who is blowing a line of privilege as long as your arm, right there on the dash of the Flivver.  The cop opens his mouth to bellow something, and Richter pulls out his heater and plugs the guy right there.  The he drops the gat and hauls out the heavy artillery, the Thompson we kept around just in case LMNO's boys tried making a move on our turf.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I screamed, but Richter just stared at me and smiled, the barrel of the trench broom wandering in the general direction of my chest.  He'd overdosed, and was in the throes of affluenza. 

"Bitches ain't nothing but hos," he mumbled.

"Put the gun down, okay?  It's me, Sam."

"And these hos..."

"Come ON, man, we gotta get out of here!"

"These hos..."  He seemed confused, like he was waking up from a bad dream .  Good.  Maybe the stuff was wearing off.  But just as I was thinking that, two nuns from the convent of Saint Mary I Told You So's came around the corner.

"...THESE HOS AIN'T LOYAL!" Richter roared, his eyes bugging out of his head.  I hit the dirt like I was back in the trenches, as Richter emptied his typewriter into the nuns, Twiddington's place, the corpse of the cop, and that stupid one-eyed dog that the orphans over on Bleak Street used to have.  I mean, used to have right up until then. I popped back up while Richter was changing magazines, and bopped him one on the head with my gat.  He fell back into the car, and I drove off. 

Which made us late on our pick ups, but I'll get to that after I've had some more bathtub gin.

to be continued



 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#1
February 05, 2016, 05:18:09 PM
Damn that Richter! Can I get a deduction on my next shakedown? I mean, just look at the place!
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
February 05, 2016, 05:18:40 PM
Quote from: Legate Gene O'Mick, PhD on February 05, 2016, 05:18:09 PM
Damn that Richter! Can I get a deduction on my next shakedown? I mean, just look at the place!

It's only going to get worse, of course.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#3
February 05, 2016, 05:31:26 PM
Now's our chance, when their guard is down! #hashtagjihad #whiteriot #occupytucson

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
February 05, 2016, 05:32:34 PM
Next chapter in an hour or so.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
February 05, 2016, 05:50:00 PM
(Or hell, right now)

Less cagey mooks might have waited until the heat died down before getting back to the rackets, but Richter and I have made our name by doing things in an unorthodox manner.  The moment he sobered up, we were back in the Chrysler Imperial, on our way back around to collect from the bog-hopper and his girlfriend.

But as we pulled up, a bunch of hoods were getting out of their car.  They all had scraggly beards and stained undershirts, which were emblazoned with the initials "RoK".  Their leader looked at me and said, "You must be Sam."

"Maybe I am.  Who's asking?"

"The RoK, chump.  This here is our turf, see?"

"Republic of Korea?" Richter asked.

"No.  R...o...K.  You've heard of us.  We're taking this city over."

"Revenge of Khan?"

"No, idiot.  We're the boys who tell the dames what's what."

"Return of Kong?"  Richter was grinning now.  Which is like watching a shark pucker up for a kiss.

"NO!  RETURN OF KINGS!  We're the most feared gang this side of Chi-Town."

I started smiling then, too.  I'd heard of these guys.  I reached into my pocket and folded my hand around my brass knuckles.  I was just about to send this guy to bed when the front door of Twiddington's shop flew open, and his moll came out.  She looked pissed.

The bearded twerp backed up a step.  "We might have to cancel this event," he began, "on account of threats to my gang..."

Twiddinton's moll hit him in the face with a postbox.  "AYE, LIKE!"  She screamed.

Richter and I winced and looked away.  A man smashed under a postbox is not a pretty sight.  The RoK jerks started backing up, but it was too late.  There were more cries of "AYE, LIKE", and the horrible noise of people being compacted under a steel post office fixture.

Richter and I looked at each other.  Maybe it was time to eat some lunch.  Work later.  Tomorrow, maybe.  Yes, definitely tomorrow.

To be continued.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

#6
February 05, 2016, 06:17:28 PM
 :lulz:

I love the idea of Richter ODing on lines of privilege.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
February 05, 2016, 06:18:27 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 05, 2016, 06:17:28 PM
:lulz:

I love the idea of Richter ODing on lines of privilege.

Next up, we have to put the gang back together to get some of that sweet, sweet Irish privilege.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#8
February 05, 2016, 06:23:39 PM
 :lulz:

That's my wan, sure!
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

LMNO

#9
February 05, 2016, 06:35:08 PM
That must have been very satisfying to write.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
February 05, 2016, 08:21:47 PM
Quote from: LMNO on February 05, 2016, 06:35:08 PM
That must have been very satisfying to write.

Well, two things:

1.  I'm not done, and
2.  I'm a bit of a cunt.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
February 05, 2016, 08:41:50 PM
Richter and I sat in the bar, strategizin'.  We had decided, after a few rounds of rot gut, to bring the old gang together.  Even now, EoC - the best getaway driver ever - was walking in the door.  Past him, through the window, I could see the meter maid sticking a ticket under his windshield wiper.

Oblivious to that, he walked up smiling.  "What's up guys?  We have a job?"

"Indeed we do," I replied, "But we're having trouble rounding up the rest of the boys.  You been keeping track?"

"More or less."

"Okay, we can't reach Paesor."

"That's because he's doing a stretch at Sing Sing for pronoun abuse."

"Aw, hell," Richter groaned, "Was he doing that 'ze' thing again?"

"No, he decided that his gender was 'Immaculate 57 Chevy'."

"Ouch.  How long did he get?"

"Five to seven.  No parole board is even gonna talk to him."

"Well, shit.  How about Cain?"

"He's recovering from a near-fatal dose of lead-poisoning."

"What, the thin privilege guys get him?  I thought they were getting big for their britches.  HAR HAR!"  I winced at the pun, but Richter showed no shame.

"No, he was on holiday in Flint, MI."

I guess we'll have to call ECH," I said to both of them.

"Oh, bugger."  Richter grimaced.

"He takes a big bite," EoC added, "But if there's anyone who can face down an angry Irish woman, it's him."

"I don't see that we have much choice."

Richter, grumbling under his breath, walked over to the bar phone.

to be continued.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#12
February 05, 2016, 08:58:49 PM
Oh dear. ECH vs Villager
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
February 05, 2016, 08:59:37 PM
Quote from: Legate Gene O'Mick, PhD on February 05, 2016, 08:58:49 PM
Oh dear. ECH vs Villager

The world may never be the same.

On the other hand, I'm sitting here shitting myself while I'm planning out how it goes down.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

#14
February 06, 2016, 12:12:51 AM
I am sorry for nothing.  Blitzed on privilege it would be irresponsible to NOT shoddily imitate the tropes of gangster hop-hop.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat
Print
Go Up Pages1 2 3 4
User actions