It was a dark and stormy night

[Sepia]

It was a stark and dormy night
It was dark stark lark;firewood/fireworks but not in rain

Fuck you thats  what, fuck you. Like that, peeled like a glove or an onion

dubito  cogito


I am the cancer ascended from life/I am the life ascended from cancer/I am in my life the definition of my death/In my death I will live my life/I am the stranger and the one strong of mouth/Shadows and songs is wherein I/


What if I never left the country called chaos? What if I never left the country called order? What if these frames of mind only come when you do not expect it and when you seek the chaos it never is what you imagined, the road through chaos where I drove my mind watching everything, observing, taking notes for future reference, future use when I am no longer in the country chaos, when I have transcended the limitations imposed upon myself by myself and the old whore, nature/nurture, then I will sit in a salon, open-air, smoking the most obscure and esoteric turkish tobacco, in my smokers jacket, twirling my whitening moustache, knowing my crows feet are seen by them all, wearing a pith helmet and welcoming them all to tell them my tale

It smells like saccharine, it feels like plastic as we pick up the pieces of this, the debris, the kipple the ejecta of intermingling realities and as we debate the authenticity of our lives and these realities as they emerge and become the superstructure we all are a voice rings out: Do not fall in love. Love wakes the ancient beast, the yin to its yang, the proper hate, the burning hatred. They've been dormant for so long, both love and hate, I remember them, how they felt before I felt it again now, a sun kissing you as you emerge from the waters, feeling reborn, I remember them, the feeling you get when you did something you knew was wrong but you couldn't help it, you understand why you did it but you hate yourself for it and you diminish yourself, you become nothing and when you know you are nothing, you try to ascend once more

I shouldn't have fallen in love with her, there was no reason to, things were going smoothly and I was detached from their reality but I had to get involved, something inside me that is dead but not sufficiently, not sufficiently stamped out, still there, sleeping in its ancient chamber in that damned city, rearing its head once in a while making me not forget about love or hate, making me think about god, about murder, turning into what I once hated. Is this my ascent, an initiation that never ends? I used to be smart, I used to be so fucking sharp but give it years and it will die and you'll become a whiny fuck yourself unless you stop doing and start thinking, reverse what you did to yourself the last few years, to connect is to sever

I shouldn't have fallen in love with here because I wasn't in love with her, sure, she has a great ass, she's kind and warm and we share some interests but I wasn't in love with her until someone told me I should be in love with her, we'd make a nice couple. That was it, that was the summoning. Envy jealousy greed lust but most of all despair

I shouldn't have fallen in love with her because I'm in no state to love nor hate

not even you

[LMNO]

I missed you, man.

[Sepia]

Thanks, I'll probably always be here, I really should write more.


Updated and finished the piece