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For my part, I've replaced optimism and believing the best of people by default with a grin and the absolute 100% certainty that if they cannot find a pig to fuck, they will buy some bacon and play oinking noises on YouTube.

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I don't know if I should buy these eggs.

Started by Q. G. Pennyworth, April 28, 2016, 12:30:21 PM

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Q. G. Pennyworth

Should I buy these eggs?

Because we don't cook a lot of them
And I don't want them to go to waste
But if we don't have any I skip some foods
That I'd otherwise like to make
And they're not all that expensive
But I'd hate to take them home
Just to rot
And I don't know if I should buy these eggs.

Because there was a car following us
From the office to the store
A black sedan with square-jawed passengers
And when we were in the produce section
One of them got out
Walked over to our car
And stood by it before leaving
And maybe they were just placing a GPS
Or taking one off
But maybe it was something worse
And when we get in the car it will explode
And scatter our corpses and groceries everywhere
And the eggs will splatter dramatically on the pavement
An unintended casualty of our assassination
And these eggs really didn't do anything to deserve that
They deserve to be cooked and eaten
Not b-roll for the 6 o'clock report
But I might want to make omelettes
And are the white ones cheaper?
(Nope, brown is less this week)
And I don't know if I should buy these eggs.

P3nT4gR4m

Hairs on the back of my neck! Somehow reminded me of When the Wind Blows

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Junkenstein

The couple stand in the aisle debating the merits of eggs.
They cannot buy those eggs
They are unethical eggs
Conceived without morals
and no thought for animal welfare.

There are other eggs
Which are happy and ethical
because the chickens involved
must obviously have provided consent.

It is unclear
which eggs represent them best
and they wish to make an informed purchase
so none are bought
Just milk, sugar and other foods
which have horrible production methods
many use slaves
but we don't need to think about them
because they are not made
by friendly birds
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

LMNO

Wow.

If this gets some momentum, I see a new project in the works...

Q. G. Pennyworth

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 29, 2016, 11:34:09 AM
Hairs on the back of my neck! Somehow reminded me of When the Wind Blows

Looks like the kind of movie I have to skip for sanity's sake, but I appreciate the comparison :)

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
We scurry down the trench line
Like rats (and we have many examples to emulate)
Masked, dog-snouted against phosgene
Chlorine, and mustard gas
25% casualties in a daring and successful mission
We get the colonel his eggs for breakfast because
No silly war stops a proper English gentleman from doing so.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO


Q. G. Pennyworth


hooplala

I missed this the first time. Holy shit! Thanks for bumping.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Doktor Howl

Look at these precious eggs
The last of their kind
Extinction is never a happy thought
I should probably buy these eggs
To preserve biodiversity
What the hell is a guinea worm, anyway?
Molon Lube

tyrannosaurus vex

Eggs, eggs,
The magical fruit.
The more you eat,
The fewer potential chickens are born to wrest control of the means of production from the cold, uncaring hands of the ruling class.
The fewer potential chickens are born to wrest control of the means of production from the cold, uncaring hands of the ruling class,
the better you feel.
So let's have eggs
for every meal.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Cramulus


thatsmyapple

Quote from: LMNO on April 29, 2016, 04:10:37 PM
Wow.

If this gets some momentum, I see a new project in the works...

Agreed. Bravo @Q. G. Pennyworth

Doktor Howl

Quoteif eggs = 12 and QGstatus = "purchase" then eggs = 0 else eggs = eggs + 1
get QGstatus
return

Amazing that 3 little lines of code could bring down an advanced civilization.

Molon Lube

Q. G. Pennyworth