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Author Topic: Offical betting thread  (Read 18429 times)

Junkenstein

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Offical betting thread
« on: November 15, 2016, 02:17:10 am »
Giving you the best odds around with Payouts SO YUGE you look at my hands and say "These payouts are huge, and the odds, the odds are overwhelming" The Officially Stamped Betting Cabal is taking bets large and small on any and all forthcoming bullshit.

Think Alex Jones might be trump's press secretary? Hey, the breitbart guy is in so I'd throw a piranha on it.

Shkreli for the new FBI head? Two monkeys, just for fun. A banana for getting something.

Guessing the next front opens in Africa and not the middle east? Surely worth two donkeys and a chisel.

Palin for state secretary? No? Supreme court judge material you say? Then quit after two weeks? Well, throw a wheelbarrow on it and let's see.

You see, dear friends, that we are firmly in the grip of the strange times. And we shall fight this, like we fight everything else (often each-other), but that is just one part of it all. The other, the much more important, is to LAUGH at it all. You know i'm not always talking about that happy or healthy laugh either. But laugh we must, and what better laughter comes than from a horrible notion plucked from the air AND THEN LAND A PAYOUT THAT YOU WOULD NEVER OF CONCEIVED OF. OH GODS I PROMISE YOU, SHOULD YOU WIN YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE PAYOUT THAT SHALL BE INFLICTED GRIEVOUSLY UPON THEE GENEROUSLY REWARDED BEYOND REASON. Really, you just won't believe it. If you're struggling to start, look at that picture of trump/farage in front of the GOLD(bronze) door and repeat the holy mantra:

"This represents the underprivileged white underclass". Enlightenment and the urge to gamble shall follow.


So step right up, prove your prophecy skills, predict comical nominations, resignations, quiet marginalisations, outright failures and WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE comes to mind. We're covering all bets until bankruptcy, going hoarse, or it just stops being funny.


And remember before you bet, I've just had a daughter literally today. The last few months have fucking crept by, the weeks moreso, and now, I have a kid. A tiny ball of innocence that I shall be dragging through this era and having to explain so much bullshit as it already stands, I can barely conceive of it. If you saw that ever happening you're a better fucking man than I. 

Well then, Taking all bets.


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Bruno

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2016, 05:03:21 am »
Scott Baio appointed to the Supreme Court. No doubt whether Charles is really in charge, then.  I got 1 petrified toad on that one.

Ted Nugent: Chairman for the National Endowment for the arts. Grants strictly limited to rock operas about Donald Trump. An autographed copy of The Zen of Nose Hair Weaving, and the Issue of Mad Magazine where they spoof the movie Schindler's List, respectively.




« Last Edit: November 15, 2016, 05:09:10 am by Emo Howard »
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The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2016, 05:22:12 am »
I'm betting that the "Truthers" that just all got seats that they don't even slightly qualify for in a government that they previously believed inimical and totalitarian are in for some mind-rending revelations beyond the petty fantasies they've been slinging since Bill Cooper died shortly after predicting 9-11 with the help of his caji friends.

Betting also that they're just going to do as their masters say anyway.

Betting most of the world will never know the difference because nothing really changes.

For my part all bets are in and I'm just getting warmed up for round 1 of the new normal. Maybe one day you'll find yourself placing a few wagers on me, but for now I've got to get my qualification back and get ready for the real fights coming up all too soon.

Also congratulations on the birth of your daughter!  :)
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2016, 07:51:42 pm »
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.
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Junkenstein

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2016, 08:13:47 pm »
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 15, 2016, 07:51:42 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2016, 08:16:01 pm »
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 08:13:47 pm
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 15, 2016, 07:51:42 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.

Paul Ryan, of course.
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2016, 08:21:57 pm »
HA. HA. HA.

3 pies on when Obama leaves the whitehouse he leaves behind a pile of practical jokes that make Andrew Jackson's cheese stunt look tame. 1 pie on this being a map to Lincoln's gold which trump destroys the place to find.
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Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2016, 11:27:13 pm »
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 08:21:57 pm
HA. HA. HA.

3 pies on when Obama leaves the whitehouse he leaves behind a pile of practical jokes that make Andrew Jackson's cheese stunt look tame.

I don't recall that one.

I remember Bill Clinton's staff removing all the "w"s from the computers though
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It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft
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Junkenstein

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2016, 11:48:11 pm »
Google it.

There's a distinct chance of duelling being brought back into fashion to settle disputes.
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The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2016, 12:17:44 am »
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 15, 2016, 08:13:47 pm
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 15, 2016, 07:51:42 pm
Trump signs the more odious legislation on Ryan's desk.
GOP is then shocked to learn that Trump has evaded taxes, impeaches him.
President Pence, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Paul Ryan.

Remind me, who takes over if pence snuffs it or has other issues? That guy needs watching because he's got some serious incentives to fuck the pair of them.


And thanks joe, 2 mules says you're an elected official in 3 years.

 :crankey: Well those mules are full of shit! Don't listen to them!!! They can't make be and I ain't voluntary! I know that's not what you meant!! I'm just so fucking triggered by the very idea!! DAMMIT JUNKENSTEIN! DAMMIT TO HECK!
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You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2016, 01:59:31 am »
I predict the democrats bringing in Jerry Springer as their candidate in 2020
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Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.
a plague on both your houses -Mercutio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8
It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft
He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q
You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata
Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

Junkenstein

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2016, 02:10:20 am »
Further bets without a stake will assume the entirety of the bettors wealth is the stake, and this stake is valued at 1£ 1$ 1E 1 rusty nail.

My lawyers indicate that this is legit.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2016, 02:51:12 am »
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2016, 06:05:19 am »
I predict that Discordianism will have an unprecedented surge in popularity, bringing it into the public eye at the same level of publicity enjoyed by the Quakers and Mennonnites.

Also, this thread is currently my favorite thing on earth. Way to horrormirth!  :lulz:

Bet you an apple pie.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2016, 06:07:12 am by Mesozoic Mister Nigel »
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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Offical betting thread
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2016, 06:06:16 am »
Plus, congratulations on the kid! Teach her how to kill people with her hands.
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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

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